Review Detail of LordInsanity in Vector Control in MHA [COMPLETED]

DJDAN:Sorry, it's my first one. Any tips?

LordInsanity:The dialogue like I said before, it just seems lazy. I can get over the fact that it is NOT accelerator in the multiverse, but just some weeb with his powers doing whatever he wants, but you implied that the MC would have his thinking patterns or whatever, he just seems the same to me. The whole age thing being one year older and in 2A just felt unnecessary, I can't really give pointers since I just skimmed over that since I got bored. The constant use of references to other media, a few times is fine, but man chill a bit, references are a good way to get those sheep weebs to leave a "haha jojo" comment or whatever, but it really gets repetitive to anyone without dementia. The whole character development felt lackluster, with usagi girl being mentioned a few times and that's it. Please elaborate on that, you literally had given Izuku more screen time than Usagi girl, fine I get that he is the MC, but you introduced Usagi as a close friend or elder sister or whatever, then mentioned being invited for some thing then I dropped. The whole butting into Izuku and Allmights life seemed a bit forced, it's something someone would do if they were very bored and didn't care about their saftey. Honestly do you believe that whole encounter between the MC and allmight you made seemed reasonable? I get it that it's a fanfic, but it seemed forced. Just fix dialogues in you next novel or future chapters, then elaborate more on the MCs personality, and other possible main characters personalities. A Fanfic is something you make to change canon, in this all you did so far was just make MC but into Izuku's life, and made him a bit stronger. The whole iron man shabam felt unnecessary too, I get that you might find it cool and all, however is MC going to continue with it or is he just going to use it as a hobby and drop it forever? In conclusion just fix dialogues and focus on character development, people read fanfics for wish fulfillment, or because the canon is bull crap. You're doing just fine it's just that it's boring, nothings happened besides MC becoming richer, stronger, and "friends" with Izuku. Good Luck on your future novels, it's way better than others that I've seen believe me, your grammar and spelling, although isn't the best compared to published books, it's hundreds of times better than the mass produced crap I see on this site.

LordInsanity:The dialogue like I said before, it just seems lazy. I can get over the fact that it is NOT accelerator in the multiverse, but just some weeb with his powers doing whatever he wants, but you implied that the MC would have his thinking patterns or whatever, he just seems the same to me. The whole age thing being one year older and in 2A just felt unnecessary, I can't really give pointers since I just skimmed over that since I got bored. The constant use of references to other media, a few times is fine, but man chill a bit, references are a good way to get those sheep weebs to leave a "haha jojo" comment or whatever, but it really gets repetitive to anyone without dementia. The whole character development felt lackluster, with usagi girl being mentioned a few times and that's it. Please elaborate on that, you literally had given Izuku more screen time than Usagi girl, fine I get that he is the MC, but you introduced Usagi as a close friend or elder sister or whatever, then mentioned being invited for some thing then I dropped. The whole butting into Izuku and Allmights life seemed a bit forced, it's something someone would do if they were very bored and didn't care about their saftey. Honestly do you believe that whole encounter between the MC and allmight you made seemed reasonable? I get it that it's a fanfic, but it seemed forced. Just fix dialogues in you next novel or future chapters, then elaborate more on the MCs personality, and other possible main characters personalities. A Fanfic is something you make to change canon, in this all you did so far was just make MC but into Izuku's life, and made him a bit stronger. The whole iron man shabam felt unnecessary too, I get that you might find it cool and all, however is MC going to continue with it or is he just going to use it as a hobby and drop it forever? In conclusion just fix dialogues and focus on character development, people read fanfics for wish fulfillment, or because the canon is bull crap. You're doing just fine it's just that it's boring, nothings happened besides MC becoming richer, stronger, and "friends" with Izuku. Good Luck on your future novels, it's way better than others that I've seen believe me, your grammar and spelling, although isn't the best compared to published books, it's hundreds of times better than the mass produced crap I see on this site.

JoshsDragon:more words than most novels 🤣

lJeDl:I also agree on that but give the man some slack because when writing your first novel or fanfic it is pretty hard and stress full when you run out of ideas. but yeah it definitely feels as if he just gave up halfway through.

Alfiemooon:some leeway can always be given for first time writers, but this is inexcusable. Frankly, if I wrote this in year 5/5th grade, I would the lowest grade there was- it's just shocking how people's reading and writing levels are so low when it's a common basic skill that's needed in life.

k_ziggy:its funny how you messed up wrighting there lol should really fix that 🤔 😂

Alfiemooon:"wrighting". People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.