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KannySenpai
KannySenpaiLv24yr
2020-12-14 22:03

The first thing I notice when reading this Novel, is that the first few chapters of the story introduce a lot of characters at once, which was a little overwhelming at the moment, but slowly you start to get who is who from the abundance of dialogue. The characters do need some development with descriptions, but other than that, fun to imagine what they look like! Same goes for the background of the scenario, more describing but has a general idea on where the story is taking place. The grammar in this story and the overall structure needs some work, but the Author does have a compelling hook that draws the reader into a festive atmosphere. It looks like the Author has a reasonable amount of dialogue between the characters. Dialogue is important to a story and this book has it down! I encourage the Author to practice editing the chapters before releasing them to lessen grammatical errors and possibly filling the chapters a bit more with description. Other than that, I wish them luck with future chaps and votes!

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Replies2
Sasheena_Lewis_2348
Sasheena_Lewis_2348Author

Smile thanks hun I really appreciate your honest opinion, I will be working on my grammatical errors tonight and I'll take you advise😊😊

KannySenpai
KannySenpaiLv2

No problem! I can't wait what you do with this story. [img=recommend]

Sasheena_Lewis_2348:Smile thanks hun I really appreciate your honest opinion, I will be working on my grammatical errors tonight and I'll take you advise😊😊
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