webnovel
Blueman97
Blueman97Lv153yr
2021-02-05 00:59

This is a good hentai fanfiction, but the author needs to get better with story telling since sometimes the mc is doing something and on the next paragraph its starts with another event and author won't mention or describe the passage of time between events and starts making things confusing. Story i don't expect much since is hentai and a fanfic, character design, the originals are meh and mc switching bodies and names sometimes confuses me. World building, there is almost no need for it since is fanfiction and the mc is still on the original world aka og earth. All in all updates are good enough.

Liked by 7 people

LIKE
Replies1
Tento
TentoAuthor

Yeah this my first long novel. I usually write short stories and I’m not used to writing a long novel

Other Reviews
Photosphere
PhotosphereLv14

It is hard to make a review of this novel as there are as many bad things on it as there are good. Whatever, Let's get on with it. Writing Quality: There are many typos scattered all around the chapters, there is no chapter that has at least one, the delivery is average and nothing particularly outstanding, yet it can be considered decent to others I have read on this site so, 3 stars. Stability of Updates: So far, there are plenty of chapters so, good. Story Development: There is quite a bit of development in this novel, MC kind of grows up to a certain extent, I liked the whole Mahouka arc as it wasn't just MC throwing OP spells left and right, MC genuinely worked hard to marry Maya and I like it. Character Design: MC's character although I didn't like it at the beginning for being too much of a bastard and not one of my tastes. I kind of understand his behavior I mean we're talking about girls that made his life hell, so it is understandable in a big scope, after his revenge is done, he tones it down. I consider Shiori, Aimi, Ichinose, and Ryouka (?) good OCs I would have liked further development with Risa, but that's good as well. As for the fictional characters, some are loyal to their personalities, some aren't but the characters are likable regardless. World Background: Good enough, nothing really important to distinguish here. As for my personal opinion: Well, I believe this novel could have had a better path than the one it took, at the beginning, I didn't like it as my type of Smut is Vanilla, maybe that's why I liked Mahouka Arc. That mini-series of vengeance against the wife that was cheating on the husband was probably the closest you got to what you wanted to be accomplished in this series. Just as NTR is painfull, there is nothing better than the retribution. And I'm sure that what most people hate about NTR is not the actual NTR but the fact that MC doesn't do FK ALL about it when most readers if put in his position would be out for blood. You have the perfect chance for that here, it is good doing stories like Mahouka and all that but I believe the objective of this fanfic should be something like: 'Make MC reincarnate into the body of Otome Dori's MC after he saw the videos and plan his vengeance. First, retrieve the girl with most ******** *** possible. Second get in touch with all those bastards' wives and daughters, destroy their businesses etc etc...' If you did something like with all those hentai that have left people frustrated, you would have a masterpiece here, and you don't even need to keep the girls in the harem as he will be ejected from the world he was in, so it is more like mini-stories. Well, best regards.

Related Stories

Pokemon Alternate Universe Adventures

A man from an Earth gets the choice to start over in any Universe and chooses an Alternate Pokemon Universe. Let us see if his journey to the top is succesful and the impact he will have on his new world. Pokemon is owned by Nintendo, Game Freak and Creatures Inc. I just use their sandbox for the plot of my MC and my OCs. This will be a "slow" paced story, in fact it's "super slow paced", so please don't expect the MC to directly start his journey in 20 chapters or so, actually multiply that by like 15. A lot is going to happen before that happens. The first 10-20 chapters or so are information heavy, depending on what kind of reader you are. I try to keep my chapter length between 2000 and 3000 words per chapter. My release rate is 4 chapter/week for now. I have a patre*n for those that want to support me with access to some advance chapters as a thank you. patre*n.com/Azrail93 This is an alternate pokemon universe so there will be differences to the games, manga and anime. So if something in the story is different it is most likely on purpose. The original sources are seen as suggestions not laws. Differences can be: Type variants, evolution conditions, strength mechanics, world building and more. If I am at some point asking for reader input I will do so but otherwise I will ignore most suggestions. So please don't spam things like catch this pokemon or do that next. I have my plot planned and external input will be considered when asked for. If I see a suggestion that I believe fit my plot flow I will use it and will credit the commentor. Comments on spelling and grammar mistakes are welcome. I will try to correct said mistakes with time. Constructive criticism will be read and considered. Insult and hate comments will be ignored or deleted depending on severity. Readers naturally can comment their dislike but one worders will be ignored. If the reason for the dislike is explained I will read it. Like previously mentioned pure insults and hate comments will be ignored or deleted. The same is true for simple hate reviews or insulting ones. Reviews complaining about something I warned about, such as the slow pace, will be deleted as well.

Azrail93 · Anime & Comics
4.6
826 Chs