webnovel
Thereviewer48
Thereviewer48Lv14yr
2020-11-16 12:41

Writing Quality: 3.5/5 (rounds to 4) Your writing is not made, there are a few mistakes and the wording is either too much added words or worded weirdly. Update Stability: 5/5 I give that too everyone Story Development: 4/5 Not bad; the pacing and plotline is good. Your story is very interesting, and the first chapter is hookable which is important. Character Design: 4/5 I like your MC, but I still feel a disconnect to him. World Background 3.5/5 (rounds to four) I like the world behind your story, but I feel like I don't know much pertaining to your story; especially with the game.

Pentakill: Rebirth of the Legend

Tangerqueen
4.6
26 Chs

Liked by 1 people

LIKE
Replies5
Tangerqueen
TangerqueenAuthor

Thanks for the review! I just wanted to address somethings I guess. 1. In terms of writing style, I tend to be pretty wordy lolol. I was super curious as to what you meant by "not made? (never really heard the term before sorry ;-;). I try to reread most of the chapters at least three times to check for grammatical mistakes and wording issues, so I was just curious as to what I could improve upon. 2. The world background is supposed to be quite literally the world that we are living in. There's nothing super special about it rip, and the game is based very loosely on League of Legends. I'm guessing you haven't really played before, so I was curious as to how confusing the first chapter was from a non-player perspective. Thank you so much!

4yr
Thereviewer48
Thereviewer48Lv1

*not bad (sorry writing in comments in WN is terrible) I play videosgames, I'm a gamer, but I never played LoL. And so could other people who read your story. You have to add more descriptions for people to know about the games background; not everyone who read gaming novels play games. That is why I put that. (I hope I didn't sound mean).

4yr
2
Thereviewer48
Thereviewer48Lv1

And you are too wordy on some sentences, that don't need it, so it can be clearer for readers. Maybe try grammarly? It is a good helper, our eyes do not catch everything like other people's eyes.

4yr
1
Thereviewer48
Thereviewer48Lv1

*videogames

4yr
1
Tangerqueen
TangerqueenAuthor

Nah, your review was great! I just was really confused for a second about what that meant ripriprip. I have the general description of the game around like chapter four I think? I just didn't really want to describe what the game was in the first chapter since I didn't think it would be super interesting lolol ;-; But tbh now thinking back on it, I don't know how confusing it is for other people. I do currently use Grammarly to catch mistakes, but usually, I tend to go for a more wordy way of describing thing ahahahah. I think it's honestly because I used to write historical romance a lot, so it's just become like my token of writing now ;-;

Thereviewer48:*not bad (sorry writing in comments in WN is terrible) I play videosgames, I'm a gamer, but I never played LoL. And so could other people who read your story. You have to add more descriptions for people to know about the games background; not everyone who read gaming novels play games. That is why I put that. (I hope I didn't sound mean).
4yr
1
Other Reviews
Tangerqueen
TangerqueenAuthor

Hi there! Thank you for even making it this far! This is my attempt at a holistic breakdown of this work, but please keep in mind that it is my first time writing a story of this genre. TLDR: Not a typical OP ML who levels up in a game. More of the journey (both mental and in-game) of a top eSports player. Inspired by actual eSports players and discusses their struggles, games, and career. Writing Quality: Clear and understandable writing with minimal grammatical errors. Generally reread and edited at least twice before publishing. I personally pride myself on vivid descriptions of scenery and emotion and try to add small Easter eggs or foreshadowing, but it might read a bit wordier than most works of this genre. Stability of Updates: Pushing for an update at least once every two days. I am a current student, so please excuse me if I disappear for a few days. That being said, if you vote and comment, chances of me updating or even giving a mass release are very high :3 Story Development: Will be a moderately paced story, roughly divided into four quarters that mirror the ML's place in life: 1. Casual Play 2. Rise of eSports 3. Height of eSports Career 4. Forced towards Retirement/New Commercialization Trends *A lot of the plot drivers will be personal growth, both career-wise and interpersonal relationship-wise, so do not head into this story expecting a straight leveling up story.* Character Design: Very realistic character designs, with each person complete with their own strengths and flaws. More importantly, there will be character growth and development. World Background: Realistic setting that mirrors the history of eSports. The game, Kings of Valor, is loosely based on popular MOBAs such as League of Legends, except with different names, champions, and champion skills. (And yes I play League a lot ;-; Tbh wayyy more than I should for my own good) Warnings: Not the typical videogame story that focused on the game itself or the somehow OP ML but instead centers around character development, gamers' relationships to family and friends, societal expectations, and choosing between dreams and reality. Disclaimer: All coincidences with real life names and events are not intentional and are not intended to offend anyone. Enjoy! To see if people actually read through these reviews...if you play League, attach a GIF of your main! Also, if you wanna support me through Ko-Fi for the new Diana Ultimate skin, I swear I'll update ;-;

4yr

Shionokami
ShionokamiLv1

Well, I don't know if there are a lot of stories about Esports, and to be honest what I usualy read that has anything to do with gaming are stories like Shield hero or overlord that has rpg elements. So this is my first time reading something like this, and truth be told I loved it, for how original and difrent it is! Well review time! First the setting, really original it takes, for me the hat with how difrent it is, and how it aproaches the concept where usualy it's "you died, you go to the world of the game" or "life is bad, you go to the world of the game" but we don't get that here, this is about a gamer, that gets a second chance to either change his life or do it all again so he can finally become the best! This brings us to the MC, Yu Pengaki, and to be honest in the first few chapters, I felt for him and man it was too relatable, and after reading all the chapters, I can't wait to see what will happen next! Now the writting it's really good, no mistakes whatsoever, the way everything is described is really well done, with props to the moments where Yu is playing, reminds me of my days playing league. Now to warp it all up, you can see that the author has put a lot of love and effort into this story and we can see his love for these type of games! So to everyone that loves video games like League of Legends or Dota, give this a go you won't regret it! As for me I will keep a close look on this one here! P.S: If this all sounds too vague it's on purpose as I want you to read this story. P.P.S: And now thanks to it, I also want to play Legue again...

4yr
AuHNG
AuHNGLv4

Good novel, compelling. Suggestion: Make sure to flesh out who teleported him back in time later on. You could introduce a bit of fantasy or magic realism/sci fi into the novel. It would help your novel be way more compelling than all the stories in where this happens for no reason. Please try to think of an overarching plot that includes this. Overall 5/5 for now. enough said, added to library.

4yr
StrawberrySpecial
StrawberrySpecialLv2

Great story! I enjoyed the first few chapters the book had to offer. Looking forward to future chapters and how the plot progresses! 😀😀😀😀

4yr
MyLovely
MyLovelyLv4

I had read quite a few chapters and also played this type of game on phone it.gets very boring after.some time ... so not much to read here plus the updating time interval is way too unstable

3yr
sirphish
sirphishLv11

Overall from what published so far this is really well written. It reflects really well how addictive some games can be. I really hope that this will continue to be updated sometime in the future.

3yr
XPrint
XPrintLv4

What do you think? The guy tried nine times, each time he had a full year to prepare, Would going back in time really change anything? He may be able to win the first time because he knows the competitions game better than they know themselves, assuming he's smart enough to remember, but after that?

3yr
Jason_Boyce
Jason_BoyceLv10

The few errors noted were a slight hindrance to the reading fun but the story is great. Check out The Christmas Darling!

4yr
Always2nd
Always2ndLv4

a story about a game addict who destroyed his life for the game yet never won a tournament despite being a proplayer. He is randomly given a second chance and spends the first 20 chapters acting like he is going to give up the game only to act like the addict he is and get drawn back into it by what seems to be equally obsessed background characters.

4yr
xx_Amaterasu_xx
xx_Amaterasu_xxLv4

great light novel love it good story as well as character good player but to not the best or him being op. only thing that's not good is its like 1 chapter a month

4yr
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