webnovel
Ouroboros001
Ouroboros001Lv123yr
2022-01-30 22:27

Writing Quality 🌟 The first ten chapters were great. If it would have kept the same non-serious Slice of Life story going out would have been a great story. The syntax and spelling is some of the best in this platform. So much so that at first I was confused by the mixed reviews and wondering why it wasn't on a more mainstream platform like Royal Roads rising stars or trending. As it turns out the reason is that start is just a catfish for a dark fantasy romance story that lurks right around the corner. A style that's much more dower and depressing. A real chore to read. It never recovers its tone and style at the start. Slowly it eats away at what you liked about it in the start until you look up, metaphorically speaking, and wonder how you got here from there. Truly a shame. But the depictions of torture and mind control of the love interest. For over thirty chapters as it amateurishly throws female leads at you left and right in total chaos best represents this series and why it isn't going to be going mainstream anytime soon. What on Earth were you thinking? You had such a good plot going. This is what creative writing does when you don't sit in the driver's seat doing outlines for the chapters and the arcs themselves. Storyboarding a chapter before and after you write it to make sure that it's not just enjoyable to read, but you got the tone across you wanted. And doing drafts so the overall product doesn't suck. A comedy of poor writer decisions. Sigh... Story Development 🌟 I don't think I need to say more there, do I? Character Design 🌟 🌟 🌟 They were well put together at first. Update Stability 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 There's over 400 chapters somehow. Probably because you skipped doing quality assurance writing? World Background 🌟 🌟 🌟 That lack of planning really shows here. The world-building can be said to be banal and likely written chapter to chapter. When normally you're supposed to write this first. I'll still rate it middling, because most amateur writers have no idea what a Literature Bible is anyway. Even if you pointed them at the Fallout Bible for instance? Some of them might even argue it overkill. 😆

Liked by 6 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
1996611q
1996611qLv12
Relhak
RelhakLv12

If you came here for a JP-like fluffy, comedy, slice-of-life novel about a random dude living with a hot elf, then look no further, cause that's exactly what you'll get....... for a couple of chapters - and then it'll go all in on grim-dark despair. Overall, Elf-story (shortform for this novel's long ass title), is really well written. It has good humor, narration, exposition, pacing, witty dialogue, and multi-dimensional characters with fleshed out backgrounds. So, all's well that ends well? Unfortunately, and this is my personal opinion, the story just got too dark too quickly - and theres too much of it without any sunshine (read:fluff/romance/light heartedness/happy moments/etc). This, combined with a beta, spineless, and indecisive MC (who we never get to know the name of), simply began to annoy me more and more. I came here for a fluffy elf-chan comedy story, then I was pleasantly surprised with deeper and darker plot, but then it became tedious reading about a never evolving relationship, pitifully spineless MC, and constant dark-upon-dark developments, where the story is going from one crisis to another. I hope that in the future plot can include some more romance, where Ash (elf-chan) and MC kiss, make up, do gf+bf stuff - and no, don't tear them apart with some stupid deus-ex machina plot machinations the next chapter to prove their love or some other random bullshit reasoning. Keep them together, and have them develop together for the fluff in the dark. In short, fluff is good, but lately too much dark and crisis combined with a constantly spineless MC is becoming tedious to read.

Gehirn_Dabraine
Gehirn_DabraineLv15

Slightly confused at what im reading. Im at chapter 205 and literally the world building of this novel leaves much to desire. The premise of the book definitely starts off on a high note but at some point as a reader you literally say aloud “wtf is going on?!”. Theres no foreshadowing to speak of, the mc deviates between natural speech to prim and proper “ye old english” with bits of slang thrown in here and there and to cap it all of… the MC Is the stereotypical beta character who is 90% of his time thinking self deprecating thoughts but “some how” will pull the occasional confidence out nowhere. I find myself asking myself is he weak, irresponsible, secretly clever or just dense. i understand the mechanics of how a flawed character should behave as there are plenty of light novels that have this character motif of weak to strong (i.e second coming of Gluttony, Devils Son in Law, etc) but this MC leaves me literally flabbergasted. Its not a bad novel per se but i feel the MC is tryibg hard at being something he isnt. Eventually i will come back to this book perhaps but for me personally i just think unless you can deal with a typical beta MC who maybe through some past life act of valor (saving a universe, stopping Thanos’s snap, or defeating truck-kun) somehow ended up in a harem but not a harem (as some of the characters are plainly disrespectful or love him for absolutely no reason that can be found at all) that maybe this book isnt for you. Apologies to the author if this criticism is too harsh but im actually trying to temain objective about the failing points while remaining polite. TYVM.

Related Stories

What Do You Mean There Are Other Transmigrators In My Harem Fantasy?

In the most cliched fashion, a giant truck-kun smashed into my World, killing everyone with it. And in the next most cliched event, I was given a second chance in life by the gods to live another life in a world of swords, magic and dragons! It’s literally a dream come true! Be a hero? Who has the time?! Conquer the world? Like hell I’ll do something so troublesome! Diving into dungeons, exploring ancient ruins and meeting all the weirdos of the world? Sign me right up!! I’m only interested in travelling the world to find the most interesting materials I can use to write the best story I can! I’ll show you my creativity and dazzle this new world with the stories I’ll write! I’ll fight with dragons, swim with krakens, wrestle giants, eat all the cakes and bed the beauties! Time to live this life however I want! Eh? A psycho is running around the world saying that they are the hero who will slay the demon lord? Why is there such a crazy person? There’s someone out there threatening the world with nukes? How did they even find out how to make those? Some crazy hobo is going into other people’s houses to smash pots to look for money? That guy really must be crazy. What Do You Mean There Are Other Transmigrators In My Harem Fantasy? ----- [Character Creation:] [Gender:] [Male] [Female] >[Futa] *** Notes: Any R-rated scenes will be denoted by a '*' followed by an 'R' with the number of 'R's showing how much of it is R-rated. '*R' would be around 25%, '*RR' would be about 50% and '*RRR' would most likely be the entire chapter. You can join our discord through this link: https://discord.gg/CRrb56c

Draekai · Fantasy
4.2
1032 Chs