webnovel
Aeternabilis
AeternabilisLv144yr
2021-03-09 03:35

Wayyy to much babble. The whole story is like a quarter plot and three-quarters of him talking to himself, acting like a chuni, talking complete nonsense to himself. I honestly cannot stand these types of characters. To me, they are just a waste of time. I don't even know what's going on half the time because it keeps mentioning random-ass sht all the time. Like I would rather spend my time reading a story with a good plot, an interesting mc and just an interesting story rly. Not a story where the mc talks to himself for all of it.

The Second Demon

TediousHamster
4.7
20 Chs

Liked by 5 people

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Replies3
TediousHamster
TediousHamsterAuthor

Well I can't really blame you cause that's quite true, but these are only the early chaps where I'm trying to set up what kind of person the Mc has. Just stick around for a while, volume 2 will have less monologue...i hope, also I'm hoping to fix the pov, the only reason why there's so many monologue is because majority of the story is heavily driven by the mc's pov

4yr
1
Aeternabilis
AeternabilisLv14

I will try it again in the future then. Maybe once you have written more and gotten more of an idea of how you want it to be with the right style in place to clean up these early chapters as they may put people off as they did me? I'm glad you can see where I am coming from thou ^^ I get trying to set up the personality of the mc however, I guess you are rushing it? It's something we get an idea of at the start and then see it grow. I feel you're trying to fit everything in to quickly? I mean for me it is mainly that he is talking to himself for three-quarters of a chapter that I can't stand. Cause I feel the story isnt going anywhere and it just purely makes me fed up with the mc. Going onto like I don't even care what he is talking about. Hope this makes sense?

TediousHamster:Well I can't really blame you cause that's quite true, but these are only the early chaps where I'm trying to set up what kind of person the Mc has. Just stick around for a while, volume 2 will have less monologue...i hope, also I'm hoping to fix the pov, the only reason why there's so many monologue is because majority of the story is heavily driven by the mc's pov
4yr
2
TediousHamster
TediousHamsterAuthor

Yeah...I'm rushing too much and adding to much monologue from the mc, also the mc is indeed putting some people off from reading it, I can see some of them talking about it in the comments. But I'm actually building up this annoying persona, a so called talkative Mc that monologue a lot...I just hope I can pull it off. Yeah, thanks for the help man, appreciate it, I hope you'll re-review it again after I added more chapters and fixed the problem you've adressed

Aeternabilis:I will try it again in the future then. Maybe once you have written more and gotten more of an idea of how you want it to be with the right style in place to clean up these early chapters as they may put people off as they did me? I'm glad you can see where I am coming from thou ^^ I get trying to set up the personality of the mc however, I guess you are rushing it? It's something we get an idea of at the start and then see it grow. I feel you're trying to fit everything in to quickly? I mean for me it is mainly that he is talking to himself for three-quarters of a chapter that I can't stand. Cause I feel the story isnt going anywhere and it just purely makes me fed up with the mc. Going onto like I don't even care what he is talking about. Hope this makes sense?
4yr
Other Reviews
M1XALI0
M1XALI0Lv14

a five stars for you author-san. i just hope the MC acts like an wise person because of his age and this book doesn't turn into a shitty harem story. also a way to be unique and differ from other fan fics is for the MC to use a spear. hope this helps

4yr

GQuasar
GQuasarLv4

This us going good so far, keep it up! . . . Don't mind me, just trying to reach 140 characters.

4yr
YorumeSensei00
YorumeSensei00Lv4

Reveal spoiler

4yr
AnimeReader_player
AnimeReader_playerLv5

Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting Im waiting.

4yr
Phantom_Zero_v2
Phantom_Zero_v2Lv5

I'm gonna give you 5 star to motivate you! You need it bro. Because, the idea of the MC being centuries old character had never arrived in my mind... Okay, maybe I did cuz my "The Saiyan God" MC is a thousand years old lol

4yr
TediousHamster
TediousHamsterAuthor

Yo! Shameless Author here giving my own novel quite the high stars but not 5 since its not perfect and nothing is perfect.. Before you dive into this novel.. This won't be a harem, he won't receive a system and won't be as op as Yuiichiro, the OG sun breath demon slayer...though he will be powerful as ****! The world is already there and the characters are already set, it's a fanfic, what do you expect.. Although, many things will change in the canon due to our mc's action And the moon demons will be my oc's..some of them, not all of them.. Do give constructive reviews and comments bout the story and please go easy on me, my heart is soft and weak...your choice tho Alright enough reading my review, go read the fanfic now and enjoy it

4yr
MilkMan
MilkManLv10

So far so good could use some more frequent updates tho 🍕

3yr
InnocentThoughts
InnocentThoughtsLv4

.......................................................................................................................................................

3yr
DaoistcBAt6L
DaoistcBAt6LLv1

really good, I never thought a story with a concept like this could exist. I have to take some points off for the cringe tho. I hope the cringe ends. you also don't update often so points taken from that too.

3yr
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