Item: The League of Nightmares (Dropped)
Rating: 4.8
Author: Alpha_Medic

Alpha_MedicLv24yr

2020-11-01 03:08

I was drawn in from the first paragraph. The direct addressing of the readership caught my attention, which is a definite plus! After that, the story felt a bit disjointed, however. I'm not sure if this is because of the circumstances of the MC, or merely accidental, but I choose to believe the former. Keep up the good work, as it seems like you've got a gem on your hands! A bit more polish, and I have no doubt it's going to shine brilliantly. Good work, Author!

The League of Nightmares (Dropped)

ThePotatoKing

4.8

16 Chs

Liked by 1 people

Replies4

ThePotatoKingAuthor

Can you tell me where exactly did the disjointed feeling come, I am currently making the character go through a development arc (ch9 - ch 13/14). That should fix most of his self-contradictory behavior. If that was the source of disjointedness then don't worry it will be fixed soon, if it was something else do tell me I will try to fix it!

4yr

Alpha_MedicLv2

It was actually the first few chapters. It felt like things were rushed at some points, while drawn out at others. I couldn't get a grasp of the pacing of the storytelling, but it also felt right because it (possibly unintentionally) mimicked the MC's panicked state. I hope that helps clear things up? I don't want to get too specific with examples for fear of spoiling the story before people can read it!

ThePotatoKing:Can you tell me where exactly did the disjointed feeling come, I am currently making the character go through a development arc (ch9 - ch 13/14). That should fix most of his self-contradictory behavior. If that was the source of disjointedness then don't worry it will be fixed soon, if it was something else do tell me I will try to fix it!

4yr

ThePotatoKingAuthor

Thanks! That helped. Since the MC is kind of an 'unreliable' narrator, the pacing and everything else about the story directly results in the MC's mental state. Which is frankly crazy and inconsistent. He himself doesn't know why is he doing what he is doing. He is fickle, sometimes he just goes with the flow at times he just flips the table. Another thing might be that I am trying to mix the slow growth of a web novel with the fast-paced action of a real novel, it might take me some time to get a consistent pace. Most of these problems should go away after the current arc. Once he resolves his internal issues, the narration and his actions will get more consistent and reliable. However, his snarky attitude and madness will probably stay. I hope you will give the story a chance and enjoy it. Thanks for the review again. Knowing where to improve is really helpful.

Alpha_Medic:It was actually the first few chapters. It felt like things were rushed at some points, while drawn out at others. I couldn't get a grasp of the pacing of the storytelling, but it also felt right because it (possibly unintentionally) mimicked the MC's panicked state. I hope that helps clear things up? I don't want to get too specific with examples for fear of spoiling the story before people can read it!

4yr

Alpha_MedicLv2

You're welcome! I hope I was a bit if help, and I am excited to see where the story goes from here!!!

ThePotatoKing:Thanks! That helped. Since the MC is kind of an 'unreliable' narrator, the pacing and everything else about the story directly results in the MC's mental state. Which is frankly crazy and inconsistent. He himself doesn't know why is he doing what he is doing. He is fickle, sometimes he just goes with the flow at times he just flips the table. Another thing might be that I am trying to mix the slow growth of a web novel with the fast-paced action of a real novel, it might take me some time to get a consistent pace. Most of these problems should go away after the current arc. Once he resolves his internal issues, the narration and his actions will get more consistent and reliable. However, his snarky attitude and madness will probably stay. I hope you will give the story a chance and enjoy it. Thanks for the review again. Knowing where to improve is really helpful.

4yr

Other Reviews

mssuigenerisLv3

Gotta review this now to show my initial support in this rare find of mine! You've gotta be kidding me if you're not gonna love this book. Writing & Development- I've been amazed at the quality of this writing. The grammar is so fine and the vocabulary of the author is immense. I might even take inspiration from this. I absolutely enjoy the style - the POV used alongside the humor is a banger and it makes the story very fun to read. The pacing is also good and it makes the plot flow seemingly. Characters - oh well, that ensemble from the support group meeting hooked me to continue. I seriously like the way they were all described. And the girl, damn author you made me laugh out loud at her imagery (and the MC's ridiculous thoughts) hahaha the crack 😂 Hope you update soon! I think I'll wait for a week before I read this again because I want to immerse myself here once more when you've got more released chapters. Keep it going! And if you're reading this, you've gotta give this a go. Rare to find an interesting, horrific novel filled with this much dark humor🤘

4yr

ThePotatoKingAuthor

Self-review by the author here, just following web novel traditions, nothing special. So if I could make my story better I would, I will just do some promotion here. Guys go and read my novel, its gonna be totally awesome. The MC is a master of sarcasm and deadpan humor. He has an interesting cast of supporting characters, And his girlfriend is going to be a yandere. It's a bloody yandere, what more could you possibly want in life. So without wasting a single second go and check it out. Pls at least finish the first 5 chapters. Leaves some comments, It is a fun thing to do, Also do leave behind some reviews. I promise I wont complain even if they are bad as long as I can learn from it. Ok signing off, your legendary author here The Potato King Keep Photosynthesizing!

4yr

JustLikeWriting777Lv1

Yay! This is a thriller book and I'm ADDICTED to that genre! The synopsis is written so plainly by the character that it almost makes me wanna laugh at it! I also adore the plot a- and of course the main character who does seem the most interesting. I wonder what's he gonna do next? Keep on writing!

4yr

Kystal88Lv2

Interesting start, the writing is better than most in terms of grammar and spelling. You're drawn into the main character's story quickly, and side characters come across as just that- auxiliary parts of the story. This comes across as well planned and cohesive. Keep it up, author!

4yr

Dare43564Lv1

Your writing is exceptional good and well groomed. I like your story and the way your background is set. Good work on the book and i hope it goes far.

4yr

TheElisseLv2

I love me some good thriller. The MC is as funny and sarcastic as you have promised. I couldn't find any grammar mistakes and overall its a great book.

4yr

_AiRen_Lv10

Come'on give this book a read guys! With such amazingly described sequences of events, I'm both thrilled and excited. I love all types whether it be horror & thriller romance, fantasy ,action so I'm happy to stumble across a gem! I'm looking forward for more! Best wishes author ~

4yr

zekiringdomLv1

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact zekiringdom@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.

4yr

devilDestroyer22Lv2

The premise is interesting, and shows how the MC takes it upon himself to investigate what happened. I look forward to seeing how you develop your book author 👍

4yr

Dead Mode: The Meta Zombie

Jiho, a flimsy and unremarkable 17-year-old, is betrayed by his closest friends, Eunhee and Daniel, who had been in a secret relationship. He only discovers the truth after confessing his feelings to Eunhee. Heartbroken and humiliated when Daniel mocks him in front of the entire class, Jiho runs away from the school. But before he can process the betrayal, a zombie outbreak erupts. In the chaos, Jiho is bitten. Just as he thinks death is inevitable, something unexpected happens...

Hazy_0832 · Horror

Not enough ratings

49 Chs

The Mafia king

Daniele, Gianni, Armani, Santino Robustelli are the sons of Valerio Robustelli A well known business man in Italy with many contacts Gianni is set to take over his fathers business with his at enty o the only catch is he has to find a wife. He has just the girl in mind Alora Benson who he met almost eight years ago when they moved to the U.K. they were good friends well a lot more than good friends she was his first love but due to family circumstances his family had to leave and move back to Italy. Now he’s back in the U.K to find her and take her back to Italy with him for their wedding. He has no idea of his Italian life of what his family were they were ordinary people to her, will she realise that he is intact the Mafia king and their marriage will seal a lot of business deals within the Mafia circle.

EmmaLouise · Horror

Not enough ratings

57 Chs

A Serenade for the Innocent

A series of short stories about the horrors of the material world, the fear of the unknown, and a general glimpse of the fragility of the human psyche. Witness the tales of several people as they face adversaries beyond human comprehension. Where does the monster truly lies: inside or outside? If two worlds collide, both will reign in each other's chaos. Do you place your trust in your own understanding of the world? Welcome dear visitor, welcome to a spectacle you never know of. ---- "And then I saw it. Taking his phone is not a wise decision after all. Even my jaw dropped and my brows furrowed after seeing it. I understand. The hasty beating of my heart fills my body with unfathomable chill because I completely understand now." - a short excerpt from Vol. 1, A Serenade for the Innocent

blairehawthorne · Horror

4.8

135 Chs

DEATHLY APP

Hastin was running out of ideas for his horror novel. By chance, he comes across an app which gives him ideas for his story. In the beginning, everything was smooth flowing. But later he finds out that whoever reads his story disappears and becomes the story character themselves...

Darlene_Virginia · Horror

4.7

109 Chs

Diary of the Dead

[125chaps only] [Completed] Death is such a simple and yet so complicated phenomenon. We spent all our lives trying to avoid death but eventually succumbing to it. But then what? Is everything over? Is it really the end as we imagine or all the stories about reincarnation, about ghosts are true? What happens when someone dies? There are many stories which end at death and some that extend beyond death. But my story... It begins at death. Hey everyone! I'm Chloe. I've recently become a ghost and I have no memories of my human life. Join me in my adventure where I discover my past and my future together. The adventure of a "Life" that exists beyond "Death." *PS: The cover picture is not mine, and I'll take it down if the original owner wants me to.* Check out my other story, "Across the Galaxy (Sci-fi)" I would like to thank AMRITA CHOUDHURY, A friend and a dear sister to me who helps me improve the grammar in the chapters. If you want to connect with me: Feel free to message me in:- 1.Discord. ID: sillymlk#8687 2. Instagram ID: @silly.mlk or @zuozhe_jiemei 3.Discord group: https://discord.gg/rJPDJQA join discord to connect with other fans

sillymlk · Horror

4.8

125 Chs

Who?¿

Jason, Bianca, Simon, Lily, Leilani, Shyla, and Jake- students of different background with nothing in common but the fact that they all had secrets they were trying to keep and they had all sinned against a person, were tricked into a room that gave their life a different direction. Simon died in the room, Shyla went missing immediately they got out, leaving the rest of them as suspects. They became less suspicious as they were being murdered one after the other and more suspicious as every one of their hidden secrets were no longer hidden and no longer secrets. The last two survivors figured out that things didn't look as it seems, but the real culprit was always around-The culprit wouldn't want them getting away with the truth though Follow these students on their journey and discover how one's life can change overnight, how sweet or bad love can be, lots of secrets untold, And also discover who the last survivor(s) would be or maybe there is none. You like my book? Kindly comment Add to your library Send power stones Send gifts Share with your friends I'm asking too much (winks) Please do all if you can STAY SAFE AND HAPPY READING. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: THIS BOOK IS TOTALLY A WORK OF MY IMAGINATION, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING MIGHT BE A COINCIDENCE OR WHERE I GOT MY INSPIRATION FROM. THE BOOK COVER WAS DESIGNED BY ME BUT, THE MAIN PICTURE WAS DOWNLOADED FROM GEULGRAM

Khenny_Esther · Horror

4.8

56 Chs

Beatrice The Queen

Beatrice Regio, is the Owner of the Moon group of companies . One of the most successful company of the world. Behind this successful company she runs an assassin agency The Queen's . No one know about it even her own assassins . 10 years ago she was taken from her family by her mother .After living in "hell" for eight years she ends up in orphanage . After 2 years in orphanage she gets adopted by her brothers . She has her own demons and secrets Her brothers has her own secrets... But What if those secrets aren't secret for her....

Zhalia · Horror

Not enough ratings

29 Chs