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Noken
NokenLv134yr
2020-09-18 02:35

Reading this just feels like the whole story is pointless. The MC is an overpowered psychopath that has no feelings and gets everything he wants without struggle. All of the good stories have a goal that drives the MC forward and gives him strengh to overcome the obstacles, and there’s no such thing here. He wants power, but why? He doesn’t seem to care about anything, there’s no romance, he doesn’t have friends, no family, it doesn’t matter who lives or dies. Overall, the MC just feels empty, like he’s not even a person, and this is so boring to read. Then the author uses the excuse of being “evil” to justify the MC’s lack of personality... I like evil characters, and I love to read things from the villain’s perspective, but this was not the case here. There’s no character development, he’s just a bland character without emotions. Enough about the MC, now let’s talk a bit about the story itself. It’s clear that the author has a lot of knowledge about Hunter x Hunter, the grammar is good, and these are definitely good points in any fanfiction. The abilities he came up for the MC are very original and it made a cool image in my head. The pace is definitely a problem... It starts slow, then we have massive timeskip and suddenly the MC abused the hell out of his ability and he’s now the strongest being on the continent. Like, wtf? I almost dropped it there. I understand that some people find “training arcs” boring, and it must be even worse to write one, but this is simply ridiculous. It feels like he didn’t even have to work for it. Now the MC is extremely overpowered, more powerful than any character in the anime/manga, and the only “goal” he has is to get even more powerful... All the action we got so far is he beating people that are a thousand times weaker than himself. There’s no one who can challenge or be a threat to him. And this is not fun to read at all. Author, all of this is simply my opinion, and I believe that constructive criticism is the key to improve at everything we do. I’ve read your Naruto story too, and if I were to review it, my feedback would be basically the same.

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Replies7
HolyJoker
HolyJokerAuthor

I understand where you are coming from. I wrote this story when I was a new author and the time skips were definitely sh*t, and I wanted to drop it many times, but in the end I decided against it due to simple principles. Because I am afraid that once I drop a story I will keep dropping every story I work on.🤣 Welp, if you see me in the future and like one of my stories leave a nice review.😁👍 P.S: I didn't develop these MC's too much because they already had a first life and their personalities were developed, there. But I will definitely try to fix this, I have been especially trying this with some new stories I started. Thx for the advice. I know in the beginning I just did research on the Canon information and none on how to develop characters. Again thanks for the criticism and next time when you decide to leave a nice review at one of my stories and just say something like Hey HolyJoker, ya finally improved.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Dr_Chad
Dr_ChadLv13

yaah bro, try making MC with heroic, perverted, and many kinds of personality besides the one your using now😂😂. To have a change of pace...🤗

HolyJoker:I understand where you are coming from. I wrote this story when I was a new author and the time skips were definitely sh*t, and I wanted to drop it many times, but in the end I decided against it due to simple principles. Because I am afraid that once I drop a story I will keep dropping every story I work on.🤣 Welp, if you see me in the future and like one of my stories leave a nice review.😁👍 P.S: I didn't develop these MC's too much because they already had a first life and their personalities were developed, there. But I will definitely try to fix this, I have been especially trying this with some new stories I started. Thx for the advice. I know in the beginning I just did research on the Canon information and none on how to develop characters. Again thanks for the criticism and next time when you decide to leave a nice review at one of my stories and just say something like Hey HolyJoker, ya finally improved.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
AcOu0KinG
AcOu0KinGLv4

good review bro , your analyse is perfect , i want to point to the same isdues but considering my broken language i can't make a proper one anyway as an ******* writer i respect your courage author! u can write things that you feel uncomfortable with besides being scolded by peopke who doesn't understand how difficult is to write a novel i also want to write, but the problem of language , grammar , limited english vocabulary ....hinder my progress , so don't even think about givin up writting because of others opiniones , there is people who can't even move their hands and yet manged to achieve great resultes ... this speech is to remind you and myself ...to write,write what u imagine , what you belive in , what you like. goodbye

Azert_Hypez
Azert_HypezLv3

every one of his characters are emotionless psychos. no matter how many women they **** or kids they have they are always just a means to an end.

Dr_Chad:yaah bro, try making MC with heroic, perverted, and many kinds of personality besides the one your using now😂😂. To have a change of pace...🤗
Azert_Hypez
Azert_HypezLv3

i respect u as an author but i had to cancel patreon cause none of the stories were going a way that i’d actually wanna pay for and keep up with

HolyJoker:I understand where you are coming from. I wrote this story when I was a new author and the time skips were definitely sh*t, and I wanted to drop it many times, but in the end I decided against it due to simple principles. Because I am afraid that once I drop a story I will keep dropping every story I work on.🤣 Welp, if you see me in the future and like one of my stories leave a nice review.😁👍 P.S: I didn't develop these MC's too much because they already had a first life and their personalities were developed, there. But I will definitely try to fix this, I have been especially trying this with some new stories I started. Thx for the advice. I know in the beginning I just did research on the Canon information and none on how to develop characters. Again thanks for the criticism and next time when you decide to leave a nice review at one of my stories and just say something like Hey HolyJoker, ya finally improved.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
josuemandrak
josuemandrakLv2

For a reason his name is HolyJoker

Azert_Hypez:every one of his characters are emotionless psychos. no matter how many women they **** or kids they have they are always just a means to an end.
Cheezzzzz
CheezzzzzLv10

Its probably sad that even tho this review degrades the book, it actually made me add it to my library. All because it has no romance. I mean honestly how hard is it to write a story without romance :,( they’re like needles in haystack istg

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DaoOfCulture
DaoOfCultureLv14

Grammar: 4.69 Uploading Speed: 5 Story Development: 5 Character Design: 5 World Background: 5 Uploading Speed and World Background I don't think I really have to explain these two. The uploading Speed is relatively stable at 1 chap/day. The world background is pretty self explanatory, Hunter x Hunter. Though I do want to praise the author for adding the "valley of death", an imaginary place that did not exist in canon. It was smoothly integrated into the story which I like. Grammar The grammar is pretty "bormal", meaning it's pretty good, so I have no problems there. The Author just tends to be lazy from time to time... Like a "bormal" person. Story Development I think the story development is pretty good, the pacing is neither too fast that the readers can't catch up nor too slow that the readers get bored in 5 seconds. The increase/decrease in strength of the MC seems pretty logical and well thought out (to me at least). Character Design Ohh~ Now we are getting to the part I like. The main character is smart which is proven by how he is in college at the mere age of 15. The main character doesn't show much of a "bond" with his parents which is giving me Yami vibes and apparently also has a large junk COUGH* COUGH* Kona... He is also pretty ruthless which is shown by how he kills some hunters with no hesitation for the continuation of science! (lol no, he was just experimenting)Overall, I am getting Yami vibes so I like it. Personal Thoughts Although it is quite a pity the mc doesn't have much talent for nen as a child, I like how the MC opened up a path for himself to get stronger exponentially. The "system" ability is pretty broken but it also has its own limitations which I do think will lead to him losing a limb one day. Alluka is apparently a guy so my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. Lastly, BEGONE YOU COMPUTER SIMPS!

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