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Fex
FexLv44yr
2020-10-05 05:13

please don't fall you're one of my favorites with The Gamer's system please don't fall please don't fall please don't fall please don't fall

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Other Reviews
Uterus
UterusLv1

A horribly written first-person story. Writing Quality: 2/5 It left nothing to be desired. The story is written like we're on the MC minds. Constants ramblings and random thoughts appeared out of nowhere some of them basically gave no relevance to the story. The author gave information about some characters that probably will have a minor role. While he gave some information about the characters, he forgot to gave crucial information to certain things (continued on the world background). Some words are misspelled, which ruins your immersion. Mind you this is a first-person story. A point of view that is synonymous with self-inserts where immersion is an important factor. The grammar is well enough, that I don't have a brain freeze while reading it. Updates: 5/5 nothing to say. Story: 3 So far, there's nothing going on yet. MC's ambition vaguely described. As of writing this, MC literally cause chaos without any total reason. The build-up of the next probable events is meh. We know that he will be confronted by the mutants. But the way it was made. It's just... I don't know. Basically, the latest chapter intervenes the fight the X-Men and the Brotherhood of Mutants. Mind you for no reason at all. There are multiple possibilities on how the author could handle this. Kurt (Nightcrawler) could watch the MC due to Kurt thought the MC was a robot. Then he combines clues together regarding the weird behavior of the MC. Remember! The MC is only Kurt's friend. That reason is enough for someone to be curious to investigate the MC. Galactus is already mentioned in the story, everyone knew omnipotent beings and aliens exists. Even if the mc wants to cause some chaos. He could just do it once and then leave. Character: 3 Pretty much the MC is mentally retarded or autistic. Or both. Or mentally unstable. That much is to say. A teenager won't act like that. Discovering that your body works like a game? He pierced his body. PIERCED. NOT STAB OR CUT. PIERCE. A KNIFE GOES THROUGH HIS HAND. A normal teenager won't do that unless they have a special 'past'. If he cut his hand it would be understandable. Some of his actions are incomprehensible or illogical. Of course, you could just have it off teenager 'things'. One of his actions that are absolutely dumb. MC uses a skill on a tree in a public space. We don't know where he uses it because the author didn't describe the place. There are no mentions regarding his family or backstory. We only know his grandma. Even then we don't know his relation. The author just assumes we know everything. Probably going to pull a surprise regarding MC background. Family is one of the most to build someone's personality. You can't just make an edge lord with a happy loving family. A past that is fully described would clarify the MC personality greatly. The side characters aren't explored yet. I don't have a hope the author would develop the character greatly. Then again the author described side characters with details. Which I would guess from the wiki. But the characters most likely have personality and won't be developed. Some problems I have regarding Jean and Scott's relationship are that the author could be explained why she is mad at Scott. Since Jean is probably a candidate for the female lead. World background: 2 The author just assume we know everything. It's fine if you don't describe the world really detailed. But places that have high importance has none. The school that the MC attends literally just being described as a school. No names, buildings shape, and so on. It has characters that are important in the Marvel world. Literally, some of the X-Men are there and the Brotherhood of Mutants too. Also Kamar-Taj, another major point of the story, that isn't described. Places such as ID or Instant Dungeon could also be described vaguely. A story that you read on from the perspective of the protagonist without any details is simply mind-boggling to read. Stop assuming your readers know everything.

Lordmoonlight
LordmoonlightLv5
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