I love the concept of the story but there are certain factors that could be slowing you down, I'll try to be descriptive on each one. 1. Pacing. You need to add elements on your story that gives a faster pace, it's understandable when the first chapters are slow paced because you're trying to set foundations for the plot, but we still can't ignore that it's slowing down your potential. Aim to replace small talks with something that will force readers to hold their breath, short said, your first chapter is a good example of writing drastic content. Of course you can't go around killing everyone in the first chapters, but try to replace small talk with something heavier. 2. References and name tags. Overall, I found a vast majority of your sentence structure amazing, but here there are name tags that can put the reader off the mood. A good example is, over using "said". It's truly an eye sore but it's an easy fix. Google "100 ways to say "said". There you can find a lot of words you can use instead, like: Interjected, portrayed, muffled, weighed in, etc. All of which share the same understanding as "said". Apart from those problems, I think your story is golden. I encourage you to stick with it and hope to see you on the top 10s one day.
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