webnovel
Penemue
PenemueLv43yr
2021-03-11 17:23

Spoiler for future chapters. First time reviewing so bare with me. I thought the start of the fic was okay. I generally don't like too many mixed world's in one but I stuck through. It was enjoyable enough. The system in the fic was okay, but why didn't the MC just max all his skills is beyond me. Now what I'm gonna say are just what I personally didn't like. Chapters 68 and up. I was already getting a headache when you told us(the readers) to go read an NTR doujin to understand the future chapters for one character. Putting Saki from 'that' doujin was already pushing it for me, but also adding characters from series that relies on action and super powers was also another petty bit I didn't like. Don't get me wrong I like DxD but just adding them for the sake of making the MC's harem bigger is just what?, also the first lemon wasn't with his official girlfriend of a few days bugged me. Hurdur you saw my dildo, I am horny, let's ****. What??. Also to add that Sakura has no idea about the other girls that he'll eventually add to the harem apart from Saki because of the Karaoke chapters. Now to continue, chapter 68 and up, I personally don't like body swapping. Idk where the hell this plot point came from? Maybe you discussed it on your discord or whatever but it seemed forced as hell. But I still forced myself to read it. But after getting through those gruelling chapters I just lost motivation on reading. Especially when the body swapping is going to be a reoccurring thing. I stopped at chapter 77. Lastly, this is just me being nit-picky but there's too many A/N and E/N through the chapters. It broke my immersion, like a lot.

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Replies2
AmongGoose
AmongGooseLv4

it's 'your name' anime, the body swapping

GupGodLicker
GupGodLickerLv4

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Other Reviews
AbyssalHeaven1313
AbyssalHeaven1313Lv11

Ok I'm just gonna write a short nothing fancy simple review... So..... writing quality as I've seen in the story has been good as of lately especially with the ED doing editing and what not and the occasional mini banter between the Author is quite hilarious as well. ______________________________________ Now the story itself developes quite well despite the fact that's it's completely mashed together...and not in a bad way. I say I mean it completely works out with all the events that happen with the MC's involvement. So that's pretty great itself. ________________________________________ Ok so like I said for the story dev. the MC blending in with all the fanfic characters is great and to be completely honest some of these characters from other fabrics/novel etc. completely fit in well with the story . Which can sometimes be a bit hard for some authors to write and concentrate on all the mashed up parts as well remembering specific plots to story line. ________________________________________ Now I don't really mind how long it takes for a update to come by as I'm a patient fellow...yeah so... you take your time on those. So far the chapter updates are great... you'll get no complaints from me😁👌 whatsoever. With the World Background everything is great, no problems whatsoever, all the plots from separate stories seem to blend in extremely well together 🤔hmm.... ______________________________________ Anyway I give ya full marks for the commitment to write such a complex story. Excellent masterpiece you have done here, I look forward to reading more in the future. Thx for the read 😁😁😁✌️✌️✌️

idle_enthusiast
idle_enthusiastLv14

I think the plot wise is better than your previous work and it is interesting so far. there some part that I think it still can be improved. 1. mc feel like a generic wuxia protagonist. he does many dumbass thinks, like upgrading something to the max like it doesn't matter, think some girl in the series as his own even though he does not even know her yet, provoke whole class, and saying yourself a prodigy is not arrogant but overly stupid what the point provoking teacher, arrogantly said you a prodigy and make a new formula out of nowhere even for anime standard it was over the top, most people will think you weird both in real life and anime. exaggerated flexing maybe your point is for him to gain a surprise point, but he doesn't need to like I say make new equation formula, one side beating a basketball team, if you faintly throwing this kind of events so often it will become dull. some of the interactions with other characters feel like a textbook answer of being an overall nice guy, there a little no his own personality on it and feel forced on the other character. 2.system is as bad as a wuxia-made system, you just gain normal skill by just thinking or desire it is still acceptable but you can make at least he has experienced it beforehand. and upgrade skill albeit normal skill so easy to prodigy level or monster level like point doesn't matter is bad, the mc feel no struggle form the system, he can gain anything And master anything just like that can make the story boring in long run, at least show how expensive or hard to get a prodigy level so is not like seeing people play which cheat code, is fun at first but boring after that. make him struggle to gain something to make it interesting. 3. the detail, many people say detail is not important or is just a fiction, but some case like this it is important. first, he can learn the skill to monsters level but making equation out of nowhere was too exaggerated, the fact that no reference or even mention of what kind is it make it faint and forced. same with a shonen jump, first you need at least know how is work you can just search by googling it doesn't need to be detailed at least show your mc know something, I know most fiction fill with made-up stuff but don't just make stuff that feels false outright, don't try over the top thing like explaining how good your drawing of demon slayer, you can say more detailed or something like that but don't say your detail on characters like tanjirou and nezuko, is showing your mc barely know anything. the detail is important when you make a story about someone of a certain job or fieldwork so you can show that your mc has the characteristic, skill and give the story more spice. like anime about novelist and mangaka, even the important part is their life and interaction their common knowledge on their field make it's more interesting.

R4IN
R4INLv4
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