webnovel
Throdan
ThrodanLv154yr
2020-08-27 06:29

So ill start with the postives and ill work into the things i think need work You have a good system style for the system genre i like the style of rapid growth with small bonuses collected from multiple worlds style I love your world building so far you could probably be a very talented DM for dungeons and dragons and i respect the quality Your male characters overwhelmingly are well written and varied even the assholeish Second hero Cons- mostly just to deal with the AMOUNT of harem girls you seem to have planned its overwhelming and itll be impossible to even remeber their names i think if you are seriously planning for 60 girls And this brings up the other topics even the “main Wife” vibe character just screams generic harem fodder your female characters need some variance because even the stealth girl in the second world i literally saw the begrudging attraction first chapter after their meeting i can accept fate makes these girls fall for protagonist but it needs some more finesse to not just have the worst self fulfillment fanfic vibe

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Replies2
Dyrem
DyremAuthor

Don't worry it won't be as large as that. lol And yeah I see the flaw how the relationships looks forced. I read enough complaints about it. I'll try to improve it in the future chapters.

Throdan
ThrodanLv15

Its overall good though i enjoy It do far keep it up but if you cant find a way to make it less.... (Self Insert vibed) you should make it less overall

Dyrem:Don't worry it won't be as large as that. lol And yeah I see the flaw how the relationships looks forced. I read enough complaints about it. I'll try to improve it in the future chapters.
Other Reviews
Dyrem
DyremAuthor

After around more than half a year of writing this novel, I'm still at Volume 2 of what I planned to do in this novel. That's why to ease those who are still on the fence whether to pick this up or not, I will be listing the Pros and Cons of what you should expect if you ever decide to try or pick this book up. Cons -Harem(This is a Pro and Con. Why did I list it here? Because some will surely see it as rushed since some information about the Harem Members weren't revealed until later in the story. Though you can spoil yourself at one of the auxiliary chapters.) -One Perspective. (Everything will be in the MC's perspective. Like I've written in my not-so-shameless review months ago. You might find it limited since you can only see the world as it unravels before MC's eyes and you will only be privy to his thoughts and guesses about the other characters. I never switched perspective and it will stay that way until I finish this) -Confusing First Chapters? (I don't think this as a con really. But if you start reading, you'll see numerous comments about readers who thought they already know the entire story from the decision the MC did or how the characters interacted with him. There isn't a established world yet so don't expect everything will be explained in it. If that puts you off as well, then this is in the right category. Anyways…) Pros -Harem (As I have said, this is also a pro. None of those who joined his harem will be forgotten and they are all important to the story. They will grow along the MC and the ones he will mainly support.) -Weak to Strong (You will see how he grows from the bottom up to the point that he's already stronger than most of the Heroes, not only through the stats but also for his versatility. Still he will stick to his role most of the time as the Ultimate Support but if it comes to it, he could step up and try to end the battle as soon as possible or drag it until his opponent reveals a weakness. He's not someone who will fight a losing battle when he's already strong enough. So expect that he'd only either win a fight or retreat when things will not result in a win after a dragged out battle.) -Well-structured Power Levels (I can say that I put a lot of thought to every world's Cultivation Pathway. Each of them are detailed enough to stand on their own for someone to reach the Transcendent Realm but at the same time, they're all closely related. As of the current chapter, there are five established Pathways and you will see the MC cultivate each of them from scratch or at least until the 3rd one.) -MC's Mysterious Identity (You wouldn't see him as someone who has a grand goal of becoming the strongest in the whole universe, his goals might seem unclear for now because of his identity being an ongoing mystery. And that will be slowly unraveled throughout the story. You will probably read some of the theories put out by readers if you delve deep enough in the story. And of course, it will not stay that way. His real identity will soon be revealed before the step up to the next stage of the story.) I guess this is all for now. I will add more if I see that I missed something but I still have more chapters to write so, you can be the judge of your own. Hate or Like the story and the characters, I will give you that judgement. Just don't start attacking an author personally if you don't like what you read. It's easy to drop a book and not be a prick. Constructive criticisms are welcome and I will answer to them if they're reasonable enough. When this novel reached one year old, I will create another review.

Dyrem
DyremAuthor

Another Review from the Author. This time this is not as shameless as the first one since I will address complaints the readers pointed out. I know everyone wouldn't be pleased by this work of mine, however before going in, please read this first. This novel is written in First Person Perspective and with only one perspective which is the MC's. So everything you will be reading here were all taken from the MC's own eyes. His thoughts, what he experienced, everything. He's the source. I also took it upon myself to write while keeping in mind not to self-project myself in the novel. His thinking will all stem from the 16-year old mind who because of a sudden increase in clarity or intelligence or anything you could call it, tends to overthink most of the time. And well, there's also his adaptability so he won't react as you expected on something where one should start asking questions or be surprised instead he will fall into his overthinking habit. This is where the first complaint will be addressed. 'I am weak.' You will be seeing him thinking like this at the earlier parts of the story. He's an overthinker and whenever something happened that's out of his grasp, he will immediately lean on that thought. Of course along the way he will outgrew that thought but yeah, some dropped this before that happened. He started from the bottom and I wanted to show what's going on inside his mind so his mindset at the earlier chapters will stay like that. For the second and third complaints, the Harem and the Side-characters . This is clearly tagged as a harem novel so expect the harem members will be introduced. 'They were introduced but there's no substance in them. What are they thinking? Why did they do that? Why did they fall for him? etc.' As this is a FPP novel, of course, you wouldn't be privy to what the other characters in the novel are thinking most of the time. That's unless they pointed it out or explained it themselves. Though they're introduced, the times they interact with the MC were all situational and most of the time their real thoughts were still not showing on the surface. They're all moving and thinking by themselves in the background even without the MC looking at them, so the next time they will show up in his perspective, bits of pieces of what they're thinking and their personality will be exposed. I used this kind of writing on my first novel as well, slowly unraveling the personalities of the characters introduced. But since some of the characters will be left behind on their worlds and it's still unsure when they will show up again, they will feel flat. I understand that point but that's just how it is. Characters will not immediately open up to him but as their interaction with each other increased, you'll see the sides of them that's not shown during the first time they were introduced. 'Not detailed enough. The description is too bland.' As this is something even I am not confident at. You will feel that his environment were not described properly. I suck at describing things and people but I'm trying to improve it through continuous writing and reading. I think this is everything. For the typo and grammatical errors, I can only ask you readers to point it out for me to fix. I only use Grammarly and Docs to correct the mistakes and surely they're not perfect. If I still missed a point that you feel like its a blunder of the novel, feel free to comment it below and I will answer them to the best of my understanding of my own work. Thanks for reading. :)

LollypopChainsaw
LollypopChainsawLv5

This limit thing is dumb, really makes spam be the more likely approach, anyway. The writing in itself is not bad, didn't see many mistakes if any, the rest is the problem, relationships turn from 0 to 100 real fast, a few hours change everything, didn't help to give depth to characters or make said relationships compelling. The Story is somewhat awkward, the development until the point I read didn't appeal to me and was kind of beaten down by how poorly I felt the relationships developed. The characters seem one dimensional, without depth and completely passive to the world around them, "Oh okay I accept being the support of thirty different people in a setting with real danger and with little to no real benefit besides getting a fiance that fell in love with me at first sight." c'mon, I know how plagued by such things the Isekai genre is, but generally, the typical protagonist is not given a choice he's just suddenly in another world and is screwed, this one made a choice, for me it was the wrong one. Finally, the world or worlds were simply not described, left entirely to the imagination of the reader, it'll already be a challenge in and of itself to make dozens of legitimately compelling worlds, not even bothering to describe them will not help. This story is clearly being written by a beginner author, so let me give a little advice, plan a little ahead, give time to your characters to develop themselves and their relationships, and invest in the world you are creating if you want people to like your story. You don't need to describe the texture of the pebble by the side of the road, but what I'd like to know is, how is the school, how do the characters look, do they have a uniform, does the clairvoyant old man have a huge beard, does the bro-con princess have amber eyes?

Daoist21616161
Daoist21616161Lv4

Straight to the point. The story is interesting and raises the idea of ​​an MC that will serve as support for the "heroes" to save worlds in order to save their own. Nothing more than mere survival, but it is unlikely that they would risk their necks on other worlds (maybe just the "hero complex") Here we start with the first "stumble" for me. The MC looked promising, logical and conservative asking why would he want to risk his life? That dialogue came from logic, it seemed perfect to me until the "director" gives his daughter to be his fiancée (No money, resources, skills, NOTHING) and the MC accepts ... sigh. Second "stumble" the MC is drugged (actually unconscious) to do a test of who knows what and there they discover his potential for support and kindly ask him (they force him) to accept. Not so bad, right? Well, the relationship with the first heroine has to do with this because she somehow falls in love with the MC at that time. (MC with blocked memories). The MC as a normal human feels uncomfortable with this but lets it pass because she is his "fiancee" ... Third "stumble" MC and his relationships go from 0 to 100, too fast and forced. It is also kind of simple because as long as you are a woman he will not do anything to you. (A princess is constantly insulting and denigrating him and his fiancee who is the heroine who owns the party lets it pass as if nothing happened) I'm sure that if the princess was a prince they would have already eliminated him. (This is the problem of the Harem in general and although I like the harem I have always found this annoying so it does not even serve to justify it) Conclusion: Disappointed. I couldn't get past a certain chapter and therefore the bugs that I found can be fixed later but all of the above made me quit. I consider his other novel much better than irony that it has a better romance and even more logical than this.

Casus11
Casus11Lv1

Cringe. Cringe is the word that can best describe the feelings I have after reading 18 chapters of this webnovel. This story has an interesting premise, with a lot of potential, and it's clear that author has put a lot of effort and thoughts in his novel. At first, I wanted to read all the unlocked chapters before writing a review but I could not get past the 18 chapter, seeing that at the moment there are almost 300 chapters in this story, there is a chance that this story got better, but I have no desire, nor any patience to read further, still anyone should make their own opinion by giving this story a try, what I'm writing here is just my subjective opinion and the description of my experience reading only 18 chapters, take it with a grain of salt. The novel is written in the first person, we as readers explore the world from the MC point of view, and have the same knowledge about the world as the MC. I've read a lot of SI fanfics that are written in the similar style as this novel, and never did I have this kind of experience reading a novel from the first person, I had to put a lot of effort to get to 18 chapter, and it's not like it's written in a complex style, or use some sophisticated terms, it also does not have ideas that require some intellectual effort to make a pause to think about them, no, it should be an easy story and an easy read, yet I had to put more effort into reading this story than writing my thesis. A strange experience. The world is poorly described, we see it from the MC point of view, and he does not show any interest in it, not how it looks, not it's history, not the present situation of the war, not even more details about the enemies. So we get a poorly described world and also can make a conclusion about MC personality, from his lack of interest and curiosity, he thinks a lot but does not make any action to explore what is new. I don't know what to say about story development, 2 days are described in 18 chapters, well there is a 3 day timeskip, but only 2 days are described. So in two days, he was forced to become a support for 30 hero kids, got a fiancée(also imposed), went to another world with his fiancée, fought the enemies of that world, got another lover, felt in love with the imposed fiancée and she put the idea of the harem and accepted the second girl. So in short, a lot of action and development, the problem is that I can't really call it development, it felt rushed, illogical and superficial, not a great foundation for a story. Character design, oh... all I can say about other characters is they are one dimensional. We see them from the MC's pov, so all I know about them is all the MC's knows about them, and he does not know a lot about them, I perceive them as caricatures, without any essence only a pretty form, yet MC, somehow, in two days, fell in love with a girl that was forced upon him to be his fiancée, also got romantic feelings for another girl, and also easily accepted the idea of a harem, I know that there is a harem tag and I don't have anything against it but damn is it forced. The MC has improved intelligence, is described as having a clear mind, also he is "thinking" a lot, however his actions does not corelate with his "improved" mind. At this point MC is more of a caricature than the other characters even though he is the character that should have some depth at this stage of the story. The interactions between characters, is the most cringiest element in the story. The dialogue between the protagonist and his imposed fiancée is infantile, maybe because they are teenagers but damn is it uncomfortable to read, it's like the stories and movies with second rate romance that can only make you cringe. Maybe it was author goal to make the interactions, between characters,(especially romantic ones), at the level of a fairy tale, if so than author achieved his/her purpose. The dialogue between the enemies and our protagonists can be described in one word-chuunibyou. It's really just a story about some infantile kids on a hero journey, with unreasonable development. So in conclusion, all my words are just my subjective opinion based on my experience reading 18 chapters, I will repeat take it with a grain of salt and try reading it for yourself. In no way I want to offend the author, it's clear to me that you are working hard for this novel and I wish you all the best, these words are only my feelings after reading so little, I feel that the potential is there, but I can't stay to read further when, the foundation is so superficial and shallow. Good luck to you and I wish to all the readers a enjoyable read!

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