webnovel
Dyrem
DyremAuthor4yr
2020-09-20 17:01

Another Review from the Author. This time this is not as shameless as the first one since I will address complaints the readers pointed out. I know everyone wouldn't be pleased by this work of mine, however before going in, please read this first. This novel is written in First Person Perspective and with only one perspective which is the MC's. So everything you will be reading here were all taken from the MC's own eyes. His thoughts, what he experienced, everything. He's the source. I also took it upon myself to write while keeping in mind not to self-project myself in the novel. His thinking will all stem from the 16-year old mind who because of a sudden increase in clarity or intelligence or anything you could call it, tends to overthink most of the time. And well, there's also his adaptability so he won't react as you expected on something where one should start asking questions or be surprised instead he will fall into his overthinking habit. This is where the first complaint will be addressed. 'I am weak.' You will be seeing him thinking like this at the earlier parts of the story. He's an overthinker and whenever something happened that's out of his grasp, he will immediately lean on that thought. Of course along the way he will outgrew that thought but yeah, some dropped this before that happened. He started from the bottom and I wanted to show what's going on inside his mind so his mindset at the earlier chapters will stay like that. For the second and third complaints, the Harem and the Side-characters . This is clearly tagged as a harem novel so expect the harem members will be introduced. 'They were introduced but there's no substance in them. What are they thinking? Why did they do that? Why did they fall for him? etc.' As this is a FPP novel, of course, you wouldn't be privy to what the other characters in the novel are thinking most of the time. That's unless they pointed it out or explained it themselves. Though they're introduced, the times they interact with the MC were all situational and most of the time their real thoughts were still not showing on the surface. They're all moving and thinking by themselves in the background even without the MC looking at them, so the next time they will show up in his perspective, bits of pieces of what they're thinking and their personality will be exposed. I used this kind of writing on my first novel as well, slowly unraveling the personalities of the characters introduced. But since some of the characters will be left behind on their worlds and it's still unsure when they will show up again, they will feel flat. I understand that point but that's just how it is. Characters will not immediately open up to him but as their interaction with each other increased, you'll see the sides of them that's not shown during the first time they were introduced. 'Not detailed enough. The description is too bland.' As this is something even I am not confident at. You will feel that his environment were not described properly. I suck at describing things and people but I'm trying to improve it through continuous writing and reading. I think this is everything. For the typo and grammatical errors, I can only ask you readers to point it out for me to fix. I only use Grammarly and Docs to correct the mistakes and surely they're not perfect. If I still missed a point that you feel like its a blunder of the novel, feel free to comment it below and I will answer them to the best of my understanding of my own work. Thanks for reading. :)

Liked by 151 people

LIKE
Replies56
imperialdramon
imperialdramonLv12

keep on the good dude/dudet nice explanation and I really don't see the problem with your writing some people complain to much if you ask me there are books wich are now sold on amazon wich are way way worse so yea

Lonely_Paradox
Lonely_ParadoxLv4

A suggestion how about the next time you write a review try by writing it in a pro and cons style where identify and specify the pros and cons of the novel then reveal why should we read it... It works every time... For Reference Go to Guild Wars Read Kota and Devils advocate reviews you'll understand...

Dyrem
DyremAuthor

Will do when I reached a certain point in the story. As of now, we're still at the earlier stages so it's better to point out the pros and cons when the story progressed further.

Lonely_Paradox:A suggestion how about the next time you write a review try by writing it in a pro and cons style where identify and specify the pros and cons of the novel then reveal why should we read it... It works every time... For Reference Go to Guild Wars Read Kota and Devils advocate reviews you'll understand...
Sage_HiddenBear
Sage_HiddenBearLv6

A big suggestion I have for you, as it will assist in getting around 2 out of the three issues you mentioned: Interludes. I think writing orher xharacter interkudes, even if short, will give a chance to see the perspective and opinions of characters in other positions. I would keep it to ones of higher authority or importance to the MC storywise. While the MC himself can be an unreliable narrator, interludes will help put his actions and choices as well as other peoples choices into perspective allowing the reader a more well rounded view in things.

Dyrem
DyremAuthor

Thanks for the great suggestion! I'll consider this. However, I might not put it in the main book if I ever make one which shows a perspective of another character. I really wanted to make this work in entirely one perspective while keeping the mysteries to be solved one by one. I might write some and put it in another title as some kind of side stories.

Sage_HiddenBear:A big suggestion I have for you, as it will assist in getting around 2 out of the three issues you mentioned: Interludes. I think writing orher xharacter interkudes, even if short, will give a chance to see the perspective and opinions of characters in other positions. I would keep it to ones of higher authority or importance to the MC storywise. While the MC himself can be an unreliable narrator, interludes will help put his actions and choices as well as other peoples choices into perspective allowing the reader a more well rounded view in things.
SerBlueom
SerBlueomLv5

it's a great book, but I dislike harems, nevertheless I'll try to read, some harems can actually be pretty good

MonJoe
MonJoeLv4

I like it when authors are active and address the problems they have with honesty like that. Your novel is now in my library. As it’s only 80-something chapters at the moment I’ll set it aside for now as I don’t like it when my reading is cut short but I do expect a nice a read when you finally accumulate enough chapters. -Hope you all the best.

LongSlumber
LongSlumberLv15

its great to see an author that is actively addressing the issues with their works. the only way to get better is to accept where you are then move on in a positive direction. I will keep reading if you keep working. looking forward to seeing you become GREAT!!

frelvic
frelvicLv3

I agree totally

MonJoe:I like it when authors are active and address the problems they have with honesty like that. Your novel is now in my library. As it’s only 80-something chapters at the moment I’ll set it aside for now as I don’t like it when my reading is cut short but I do expect a nice a read when you finally accumulate enough chapters. -Hope you all the best.
Da_Duck
Da_DuckLv10

Yep

Da_Duck
Da_DuckLv10

Ty

Chris_Ross_6186
Chris_Ross_6186Lv15

Author, this is just an idea (may not be feasible due to time constraints or readily available people) but maybe looking into getting another author to proof read your work, share tips and feedback, and a basic editing. It may not work if you are pushing out 2+ chapters a day depending on the other person but it is a possibility. I know this because I used to be an avid writer on another site before I slowly drifted into becoming more of an editor. Now, I've taken a liking to branching out into the Eastern culture of writing and came to this site to read and understand better. I'd give it a thought but I'm not sure how feasible it may be for you in particular. -Hope you have a good day and keep on writing.

Dyrem
DyremAuthor

thanks. I will consider that

Chris_Ross_6186:Author, this is just an idea (may not be feasible due to time constraints or readily available people) but maybe looking into getting another author to proof read your work, share tips and feedback, and a basic editing. It may not work if you are pushing out 2+ chapters a day depending on the other person but it is a possibility. I know this because I used to be an avid writer on another site before I slowly drifted into becoming more of an editor. Now, I've taken a liking to branching out into the Eastern culture of writing and came to this site to read and understand better. I'd give it a thought but I'm not sure how feasible it may be for you in particular. -Hope you have a good day and keep on writing.
Michael_S_Dahan
Michael_S_DahanLv14

you book popped up in an add and even tho I mainly play support characters I wasn't interested until your comment to read your review. and man I support you 150% ill read your novel and help show some differences. I wish I could write. I and in my head but not on paper it all flies out when I go to write it down so grats on making past that seriously I read a lot and love to watch new writers grow so ill leave at this thank you for your review and I am going to enjoy your novel even more now

Dyrem
DyremAuthor

thank you! hope you liked it. it might look like a rough start but that's because I'm setting it up for something which will be revealed later in the story

Michael_S_Dahan:you book popped up in an add and even tho I mainly play support characters I wasn't interested until your comment to read your review. and man I support you 150% ill read your novel and help show some differences. I wish I could write. I and in my head but not on paper it all flies out when I go to write it down so grats on making past that seriously I read a lot and love to watch new writers grow so ill leave at this thank you for your review and I am going to enjoy your novel even more now
OtherworldlyEggy
OtherworldlyEggyLv3

It’s rare for an author to admit his works shortcomings

Michael_S_Dahan
Michael_S_DahanLv14

I just wanted to say thank again and was curious if there is a one time fee thing that I can pay to get all of you chapter sand the new ones or is it really day by day?

Dyrem
DyremAuthor

I am updating the novel everyday. Currently it's 2 chapters per day since I don't have any stockpiled chapters to increase the release rate.

Michael_S_Dahan:I just wanted to say thank again and was curious if there is a one time fee thing that I can pay to get all of you chapter sand the new ones or is it really day by day?
Michael_S_Dahan
Michael_S_DahanLv14

nw i was just curious it seems expensive to go chapter by chapter i am only one working in my family i went ahead and did the membership to buy the next 40 chapters so I can get to 125 currently.

Dyrem:I am updating the novel everyday. Currently it's 2 chapters per day since I don't have any stockpiled chapters to increase the release rate.
Dyrem
DyremAuthor

I see. thank you for your purchase. However, I can't do anything about it. Every locked chapter will cost coins. you can use fast passes though. you can get at least 3 fast pass per day by signing in, giving power stone and voting on new novels. Though I won't get anything from fast pass, at least you can continue your reading using it without needing to spend more.

Michael_S_Dahan:nw i was just curious it seems expensive to go chapter by chapter i am only one working in my family i went ahead and did the membership to buy the next 40 chapters so I can get to 125 currently.
Other Reviews
Dyrem
DyremAuthor

After around more than half a year of writing this novel, I'm still at Volume 2 of what I planned to do in this novel. That's why to ease those who are still on the fence whether to pick this up or not, I will be listing the Pros and Cons of what you should expect if you ever decide to try or pick this book up. Cons -Harem(This is a Pro and Con. Why did I list it here? Because some will surely see it as rushed since some information about the Harem Members weren't revealed until later in the story. Though you can spoil yourself at one of the auxiliary chapters.) -One Perspective. (Everything will be in the MC's perspective. Like I've written in my not-so-shameless review months ago. You might find it limited since you can only see the world as it unravels before MC's eyes and you will only be privy to his thoughts and guesses about the other characters. I never switched perspective and it will stay that way until I finish this) -Confusing First Chapters? (I don't think this as a con really. But if you start reading, you'll see numerous comments about readers who thought they already know the entire story from the decision the MC did or how the characters interacted with him. There isn't a established world yet so don't expect everything will be explained in it. If that puts you off as well, then this is in the right category. Anyways…) Pros -Harem (As I have said, this is also a pro. None of those who joined his harem will be forgotten and they are all important to the story. They will grow along the MC and the ones he will mainly support.) -Weak to Strong (You will see how he grows from the bottom up to the point that he's already stronger than most of the Heroes, not only through the stats but also for his versatility. Still he will stick to his role most of the time as the Ultimate Support but if it comes to it, he could step up and try to end the battle as soon as possible or drag it until his opponent reveals a weakness. He's not someone who will fight a losing battle when he's already strong enough. So expect that he'd only either win a fight or retreat when things will not result in a win after a dragged out battle.) -Well-structured Power Levels (I can say that I put a lot of thought to every world's Cultivation Pathway. Each of them are detailed enough to stand on their own for someone to reach the Transcendent Realm but at the same time, they're all closely related. As of the current chapter, there are five established Pathways and you will see the MC cultivate each of them from scratch or at least until the 3rd one.) -MC's Mysterious Identity (You wouldn't see him as someone who has a grand goal of becoming the strongest in the whole universe, his goals might seem unclear for now because of his identity being an ongoing mystery. And that will be slowly unraveled throughout the story. You will probably read some of the theories put out by readers if you delve deep enough in the story. And of course, it will not stay that way. His real identity will soon be revealed before the step up to the next stage of the story.) I guess this is all for now. I will add more if I see that I missed something but I still have more chapters to write so, you can be the judge of your own. Hate or Like the story and the characters, I will give you that judgement. Just don't start attacking an author personally if you don't like what you read. It's easy to drop a book and not be a prick. Constructive criticisms are welcome and I will answer to them if they're reasonable enough. When this novel reached one year old, I will create another review.

LollypopChainsaw
LollypopChainsawLv5

This limit thing is dumb, really makes spam be the more likely approach, anyway. The writing in itself is not bad, didn't see many mistakes if any, the rest is the problem, relationships turn from 0 to 100 real fast, a few hours change everything, didn't help to give depth to characters or make said relationships compelling. The Story is somewhat awkward, the development until the point I read didn't appeal to me and was kind of beaten down by how poorly I felt the relationships developed. The characters seem one dimensional, without depth and completely passive to the world around them, "Oh okay I accept being the support of thirty different people in a setting with real danger and with little to no real benefit besides getting a fiance that fell in love with me at first sight." c'mon, I know how plagued by such things the Isekai genre is, but generally, the typical protagonist is not given a choice he's just suddenly in another world and is screwed, this one made a choice, for me it was the wrong one. Finally, the world or worlds were simply not described, left entirely to the imagination of the reader, it'll already be a challenge in and of itself to make dozens of legitimately compelling worlds, not even bothering to describe them will not help. This story is clearly being written by a beginner author, so let me give a little advice, plan a little ahead, give time to your characters to develop themselves and their relationships, and invest in the world you are creating if you want people to like your story. You don't need to describe the texture of the pebble by the side of the road, but what I'd like to know is, how is the school, how do the characters look, do they have a uniform, does the clairvoyant old man have a huge beard, does the bro-con princess have amber eyes?

Daoist21616161
Daoist21616161Lv4

Straight to the point. The story is interesting and raises the idea of ​​an MC that will serve as support for the "heroes" to save worlds in order to save their own. Nothing more than mere survival, but it is unlikely that they would risk their necks on other worlds (maybe just the "hero complex") Here we start with the first "stumble" for me. The MC looked promising, logical and conservative asking why would he want to risk his life? That dialogue came from logic, it seemed perfect to me until the "director" gives his daughter to be his fiancée (No money, resources, skills, NOTHING) and the MC accepts ... sigh. Second "stumble" the MC is drugged (actually unconscious) to do a test of who knows what and there they discover his potential for support and kindly ask him (they force him) to accept. Not so bad, right? Well, the relationship with the first heroine has to do with this because she somehow falls in love with the MC at that time. (MC with blocked memories). The MC as a normal human feels uncomfortable with this but lets it pass because she is his "fiancee" ... Third "stumble" MC and his relationships go from 0 to 100, too fast and forced. It is also kind of simple because as long as you are a woman he will not do anything to you. (A princess is constantly insulting and denigrating him and his fiancee who is the heroine who owns the party lets it pass as if nothing happened) I'm sure that if the princess was a prince they would have already eliminated him. (This is the problem of the Harem in general and although I like the harem I have always found this annoying so it does not even serve to justify it) Conclusion: Disappointed. I couldn't get past a certain chapter and therefore the bugs that I found can be fixed later but all of the above made me quit. I consider his other novel much better than irony that it has a better romance and even more logical than this.

Casus11
Casus11Lv1

Cringe. Cringe is the word that can best describe the feelings I have after reading 18 chapters of this webnovel. This story has an interesting premise, with a lot of potential, and it's clear that author has put a lot of effort and thoughts in his novel. At first, I wanted to read all the unlocked chapters before writing a review but I could not get past the 18 chapter, seeing that at the moment there are almost 300 chapters in this story, there is a chance that this story got better, but I have no desire, nor any patience to read further, still anyone should make their own opinion by giving this story a try, what I'm writing here is just my subjective opinion and the description of my experience reading only 18 chapters, take it with a grain of salt. The novel is written in the first person, we as readers explore the world from the MC point of view, and have the same knowledge about the world as the MC. I've read a lot of SI fanfics that are written in the similar style as this novel, and never did I have this kind of experience reading a novel from the first person, I had to put a lot of effort to get to 18 chapter, and it's not like it's written in a complex style, or use some sophisticated terms, it also does not have ideas that require some intellectual effort to make a pause to think about them, no, it should be an easy story and an easy read, yet I had to put more effort into reading this story than writing my thesis. A strange experience. The world is poorly described, we see it from the MC point of view, and he does not show any interest in it, not how it looks, not it's history, not the present situation of the war, not even more details about the enemies. So we get a poorly described world and also can make a conclusion about MC personality, from his lack of interest and curiosity, he thinks a lot but does not make any action to explore what is new. I don't know what to say about story development, 2 days are described in 18 chapters, well there is a 3 day timeskip, but only 2 days are described. So in two days, he was forced to become a support for 30 hero kids, got a fiancée(also imposed), went to another world with his fiancée, fought the enemies of that world, got another lover, felt in love with the imposed fiancée and she put the idea of the harem and accepted the second girl. So in short, a lot of action and development, the problem is that I can't really call it development, it felt rushed, illogical and superficial, not a great foundation for a story. Character design, oh... all I can say about other characters is they are one dimensional. We see them from the MC's pov, so all I know about them is all the MC's knows about them, and he does not know a lot about them, I perceive them as caricatures, without any essence only a pretty form, yet MC, somehow, in two days, fell in love with a girl that was forced upon him to be his fiancée, also got romantic feelings for another girl, and also easily accepted the idea of a harem, I know that there is a harem tag and I don't have anything against it but damn is it forced. The MC has improved intelligence, is described as having a clear mind, also he is "thinking" a lot, however his actions does not corelate with his "improved" mind. At this point MC is more of a caricature than the other characters even though he is the character that should have some depth at this stage of the story. The interactions between characters, is the most cringiest element in the story. The dialogue between the protagonist and his imposed fiancée is infantile, maybe because they are teenagers but damn is it uncomfortable to read, it's like the stories and movies with second rate romance that can only make you cringe. Maybe it was author goal to make the interactions, between characters,(especially romantic ones), at the level of a fairy tale, if so than author achieved his/her purpose. The dialogue between the enemies and our protagonists can be described in one word-chuunibyou. It's really just a story about some infantile kids on a hero journey, with unreasonable development. So in conclusion, all my words are just my subjective opinion based on my experience reading 18 chapters, I will repeat take it with a grain of salt and try reading it for yourself. In no way I want to offend the author, it's clear to me that you are working hard for this novel and I wish you all the best, these words are only my feelings after reading so little, I feel that the potential is there, but I can't stay to read further when, the foundation is so superficial and shallow. Good luck to you and I wish to all the readers a enjoyable read!

Related Stories

Talent Awakening: Draconic Overlord Of The Apocalypse

"Level up? Dragons?" Eighteen. The age of Awakening. An important moment where every human in the desolate maga-cities unlocks their Talent, a unique ability to carve a path in this monster-plagued apocalyptic world. Alister Hazenworth, a graduating student, and a rising star at the prestigious Aegis Academy, was destined for greatness. His exceptional athleticism and magical aptitude promise a powerful Talent – a guarantee for a secure life and social status. But fate had different plans. During Alister's Awakening ceremony, it's revealed that he's a Summoner. Instead of admiration, he faces mockery. His once bright future turns bleak as his "friends" desert him for Talents they see as more "useful." left alone, Alister awakens a system. [Host found, system binding...] [System binded successfully.] [Congrats, you have gain the status of 'player'.] [Ding!! Congrats to the player for awakening The Dragonforge - an overlord system.] [Ding!! it has been detected that the player possesses a latent draconic aspect, and as such will only be able to summon dragons!!] [Will the player like to proceed with their first summoning?] Cast aside and underestimated, Alister becomes a force to be reckoned with. He embarks on a journey, building his own dragon army – a crew of majestic wyverns, fearsome drakes, and ancient wyrms. He raids the wastelands, reclaims lost resources, and dismantles the prejudice against summoners. Every day, his power grows, his bond with his dragons deepens, and his legend spreads like wildfire. Discord server: https://discord.gg/zbQwWCSCrn [A/N: This is a slow paced novel, don't expect the protagonist to suddenly start out overpowered and start dominating left and right, he will become an overlord of dragons, yes, but it will take time. (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)] Cover made by me /⁠ᐠ⁠。⁠ꞈ⁠。⁠ᐟ⁠\

Zurbluris · Fantasy
4.4
415 Chs