Marston Jones has quite the bargaining skills, if I may say. Just please give him that Omni Laser 2. I am quite saddened by the fact that Magni's death was quite hurried and not elaborated, I guess? His errand was quite a significant one, so I thought I would be able to read his struggles a bit more. However, I'm not gonna complain further since you've narrated it fairly well. I can't quite get a grasp of Ozen? She serves as a major catalyst to Marston's reincarnation, so in the future, I hope that you can establish her character! Looking forward to it. The setting was a tad novel to me. Thus, I was roped in while reading the 8 chapters. Is the current setting still in the black eye galaxy? Just asking. [If you read this, you're going to get mad at me, so please don't] In terms of the technicalities in the writing itself, I've noticed a lot of misuse and absence of punctuation marks, also capitalizations. I have no qualms on the phrasing. However, properly placed punctations will give your sentences better transitions. For the passages inside the parenthesis, I want to suggest that you take them out. They are related to the topic, so there's no need to enclose them. You can list out related clauses with some semi-colons. Adding to this, the lengthy paragraph regarding the information about the weapons was quite difficult to peruse over. I think that you could put each item in a separate line, instead of condensing them in one paragraph for easier reading. Please be more descriptive with your work, as if you're letting the readers know of the actual picture inside your head. You're doing good with this, just supplement it a little more! Sorry for my lengthy critique. This was not out of spite, but merely constructive. You are a great writer! I'll be cheering you on in the future and let's improve together!
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