Review Detail of phoenix_8888 in Romance Of Flame And Ice
Review detail
At the request of the dear author - prettydimples, I have added this book in my library and checked it out for a review. Here's my take on your first work. Long comment below. Overall its a decent novel with some slice of life with the leads that would transfer to another world. However, for me who do not care for too much details thinks that the chapters could be shorter and details reduced. Reason, I speed read/skip the details and get bored easily when I do not think it adds to the chapter or the story. A reader must feel entertained, I'm reading the chapter but as it get longer - I'm wondering when does it end or what's the aim. e.g. The other world - there is the backgrouind in which- there are 4 kingdoms, fire being the weakest, the queen gave birth to twins one being more powerful than the other, only the mother has the ability to withstand her power. To protect his kingdom & people the fire king made a deal with the wind kingdom with the more powerful twin being a hostage. The wind kingdom found out to their demise her power and negotiated a new deal with fire kingdom that the child would stay with her family until she reaches 5 years with her mother to guide her. The girl at age 5 was imprisoned in a cave by the wind kingdom. The FL somehow has a connection with this twin from the other world. That's a quick summary of what I got from the chapter which was pretty long. The aim of the author is to give the reader a background introduction of what is to come. There is also grammar issues with redundant sentences, but I'm uusally light on that because as long as I understand the gist of it, I'll brush it off. But these sentences add to the unnecessary lengthening & no value of the chapter. Am I into the novel - I would say no but thats not because it lacks potential, its just that I'm not invested in the characters as yet and its too early to say. The story does have potential, but its not that entertaining so far, my emotions are not there, I read it because its okay. Would I recommend this story to others - I'm not sure, its a matter of personal taste, but this story will remain in my library for now. I may give a 2nd review after reading more. My disappoitnment is that at the end of each chapter prettydimples is sincerely requesting that readers and reviewers give their comments on the chapters or paragraphs as its a way to encourage her become a better writer and gets none. That's not right, especially if you review it and gave it 4+ stars. I say to be sincere - do that as a form of thank you. If you found the chapter fun - say so, boring - say why, actions of certain characters- questionable - respond. Prettydimples cannot write in solo as she need the support of her readers to show sincerity/courtesy. Its your duty as readers to talk to the author - even with a thanks for the chapter when you have nothing much to say or have language issues. I make it a point to give comment to a story that I've reviewed, even a chapter or paragraph. If I don't like the story - I would say so in both the review or the chapter and my intentions to keep or dump. For stories that I review, I try to be objective and honest as possible to the author as a form of sincerity. Prettydimples, this is your first novel so your efforts although presently seem thankless and frustrating will make you stronger if it is your goal to become a better writer and its what you love to do. Think about what is it you want to tell the reader about yourself as an author in your story, what makes you laugh, would it make others laugh with you or be entertained. If its a yes, then write it. Do mot follow the status quo in telling the typical translated novels with 1000+ chapters of copy and paste and a whole lot of tropes out there. Be original in telling your story. By the way, I rarely complete those stories unless I am having fun at each chapter which is not often. There are a lot of newbie writers here who go through what you do. It a journey that each of you have to take. You are in the discovery and learning mode. With your first novel just have fun and learn with it. After that, anything is possible. Take care.
Romance Of Flame And Ice
prettydimple
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Refer to Chap 3-4 (slice of life, too long could be combined if unnecessary chapters were taken out, as a reader all I need to know is that YY has a stable home life- not too much details & good friends), 6 -7(sim. to 3-4 on relationship background, all we need to know is that LC likes for a while AK who has friendzone him, AK sees a prospective boyfriend; Xiaomeng hates YY because her "fiance" likes her & told Meng that nothing happening with them, parents against relationship with YY & tries to prevent it with no success, YY & CK are serious about each other- in distance relationship now), 8 (too long, redundant paragraphs). From my general observation, your style is "explaining with backgrounds" for the chapters. As a reader, I do not need too much explanation nor background to understand that or if there is an issue or of their lives. That makes me skip the content because I already got the point and I'm not entertained by it. It feels like an essay is being done instead of a story being told. I'm still reading it, however as earlier stated you need to factor in fluidity, relevance and substance to the story. My bosses and people I write letters/briefs to hate long documents, they will rip it to shreds so although this is a novel you still have to keep those "3" in mind. With a novel #4 is keeping the reader interested/entertained. Check out Power up, Artist Yang - its free and Anjeerku's novels - they are good examples. They entertain and the contents make sense for each chapter. Take care
prettydimple:I would like to know what chapter you have read it to so I can use those mistakes as reference to my new chapters
Thank you very much although i might not be able to remove the unnecessary details in the old chapters, i will take your advice for my new chapters
phoenix_8888:Refer to Chap 3-4 (slice of life, too long could be combined if unnecessary chapters were taken out, as a reader all I need to know is that YY has a stable home life- not too much details & good friends), 6 -7(sim. to 3-4 on relationship background, all we need to know is that LC likes for a while AK who has friendzone him, AK sees a prospective boyfriend; Xiaomeng hates YY because her "fiance" likes her & told Meng that nothing happening with them, parents against relationship with YY & tries to prevent it with no success, YY & CK are serious about each other- in distance relationship now), 8 (too long, redundant paragraphs). From my general observation, your style is "explaining with backgrounds" for the chapters. As a reader, I do not need too much explanation nor background to understand that or if there is an issue or of their lives. That makes me skip the content because I already got the point and I'm not entertained by it. It feels like an essay is being done instead of a story being told. I'm still reading it, however as earlier stated you need to factor in fluidity, relevance and substance to the story. My bosses and people I write letters/briefs to hate long documents, they will rip it to shreds so although this is a novel you still have to keep those "3" in mind. With a novel #4 is keeping the reader interested/entertained. Check out Power up, Artist Yang - its free and Anjeerku's novels - they are good examples. They entertain and the contents make sense for each chapter. Take care
According to your profile, it seems that you have 4 novels out. Which one you want me to check out? I'll see what I can do.
miyukii:hi, can you please check my novel out and point out my flaws as well..... thank you
phoenix_8888:According to your profile, it seems that you have 4 novels out. Which one you want me to check out? I'll see what I can do.