Review Detail of Aaron313 in Deleted Novel

In my opinion this could have been a great novel it was pretty funny in the beginning you just made some (in my opinion) silly mistakes.1 like a lot of other dxd novels you introduced too many powers from different universes which makes it hard to understand and accept where the mc stands power wise. 2 Idk what you where thinking of doing with his parents but but in the story his mother came off as a s*** lusting after her own son(and others when she was younger) which you tried to kind of playoff as not being a very big thing but that's not a conversation that a mother would ever have with her son. And if this wasn't bad enough this was our as readers first impression of said parent. Now I know all of this was kind of a side conversation with the main point being an explanation of his bloodline which which also doesn't make sense because if father was a devil and mother was a Yokai there was no way he should have ever been normal in his first 15 years of life because these were two completely different species with totally different powers which means he should have had some type of Awakening or incident with said Powers (considering he's a hybrid) basically his bloodline is too special for him to be normal for those first 15 years of life which they didn't tell him anything about himself or the supernatural World which is reckless dangerous and neglectful considering how dangerous is. 3 the system was totally unnecessary there are literally tons of powers and ways especially considering his bloodline in the DxD world for him to grow stronger. Because of it you were forced to go on boring and unnecessary arcs to make the MC look cool and build his strength in an orthodox and weird way a0 consequence of limiting your story with a "system". DxD light novel has plenty of material for you to make a bunch of arcs with plenty of opportunities for character interaction and enough time for you to properly flesh his parents and his relationships with everyone else without making it look like the main character's personality is doing backflips because he went from being this absolutely normal **** into this trihard badass that he portrays himself to be( even with Sherlock's home intelligence no matter how hard you try you can't change a personality that you forged for 15 years in a single day just because a system awakened if he had trained and actually did some hard work in those 15 years it would be different because you forged a whole new personality from being reborn as a baby in an entirely new and dangerous world. another thing is your MC came off as a try hard because in every Ark he would have a recording device or Magic whichever playing with the characters in the background commenting on his every action and saying how they would never be as smart as him or be able to do the things he does which comes off as narcissistic and unrealistic of course the different factions would have anti spy Magic in all important strongholds otherwise wouldn't all their secrets B up for grabs for any opposing faction? again this comes back to the system of course they would never be able to do the things he does because the system he has brings powers from an entirely different different universes which makes no sense in this universe. The last thing being him talking and interacting with different characters from different universes and even considering bringing them into the DxD world which would be so cringe all in all it just looks like you didn't put enough thought and planning into this story which would make sense considering you were in the middle of of a entirely different story when you decided to pull this one out of the attic now I know all of this sounds like I'm bashing but what I'm trying to say is next time you do a fanfic about a story try to keep other universes out of it and do proper background story about the MC family so that is so that so that it doesn't sound like an ass pull. Good luck on your next story