webnovel
ThePotatoKing
ThePotatoKingLv144yr
2020-04-29 14:39

The story is nice, can be better. Also try to rewrite the first few chapters As the flow isn't that smooth. The transition from life to accident to suicide is too quick. Give us more time to feel connected with the protagonist and his girlfriend. Write about their date. Just when they are at the most hearteary moment hit him over the head. He then wakes and panics. Describe his dread in more details. Write his walk to the bank. How he contemplates life and chooses to jump. Ultimately try to make the scenes more gripping so we can relate with the protagonist. So far the story is good, has potential, can be much better. Do check out my story too and leave a review.

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Naash
NaashAuthor

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