webnovel
neobenmike
neobenmikeLv54yr
2020-05-28 21:32

Writing quality is good, fast paced. Story is soft at the earlier chapters Some parts are a bit forced as some paragraphs does not really have a smooth flow - the flow somewhat smooths out around chapter 20 Characters are OOC, some are cringey in their dialogues Plot holes are not plenty but there's a lot World background is good This: Tyrian Callows: AAAGGGHHHH!!! DAMN IT!!!!! Should be changed with this: "AAAGGGHHHH!!! DAMN IT!!!!!" Why? Because this is not a script It also becomes redundant as the next paragraph has the identifier for the dialogue. It will also help smooth out the flow further

The Doom Slayer in a Different Universe

Cruddiest_Spider
Not enough ratings
12 Chs

Liked by 3 people

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Replies3
Cruddiest_Spider
Cruddiest_SpiderAuthor

I used the dialogue like that mainly because I wanted to try out different writing styles, however if it sometimes halts the reading flow then I’ll change it. I appreciate your honest feedback, thank you very much!!

4yr
7
Cruddiest_Spider
Cruddiest_SpiderAuthor

Now I won’t lie, I’m very weak on the character’s dialogue. And to be honest I don’t think I can change that unless I put more time into the dialogue. So I think that the dialogue will change only with time...

4yr
9
KD_Link17
KD_Link17Lv1

Tbh the dialouges just really sounds like a Play...while om the other hand its like when you interact with a NPC.

4yr
1
Other Reviews
EkOmkar
EkOmkarLv10

Reveal spoiler

4yr

Source_of_Chaos
Source_of_ChaosLv4

I think that this story is very good and that the author deserves many props for making it. As a new author myself I salute this guy for being able to do what he does. One piece of advice is that if you make another fan-fiction try RWBY x God Eater (tv show)

4yr
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