webnovel
TomGutshall
TomGutshallLv14yr
2020-06-04 09:22

Your story is a bit generic. However there were some fun scenes. The biggest flaw is that you seem to be rushing from one action scene to the next. If the story took place in the modern world, this would be fine. However there is not enough exposition for us to figure out what is going on. Your story is mediocre at best, and unreadable at the very worst.

dust to dust ashes to ashes this is dropped sigh

Lazy_leon
4.5
76 Chs

Liked it!

LIKE
Replies2
TomGutshall
TomGutshallLv1

You can't really expect someone to read more than 2 or 3 chapters of a so-so story before giving up and reading something else. Polish your beginning. Polish until you think you couldn't possibly continue to polish, (even though you probably still could)

The content has been deleted
4yr
TomGutshall
TomGutshallLv1

No, I read about the first 15 chapters, because that's what I had time for. I also really enjoyed most of what I did read. I'm just saying that there are parts that were hard to get through, and if you cleaned those up you would have a better retention rate.

4yr
1
Other Reviews
Ghost_Playing
Ghost_PlayingLv15

Find it Hella sus that both Crimson_Ink and Lazy_Leon send (multiple) magic castles to DurcalAka AND to each others novels (btw, durcalaka has a very "similar" writing style as Crimson_Ink, same with LMHnovels and Lazy_Leon) and both of them then proceed to give this story a review and each others story a review too, and both of them stop writing anything at exactly 6 months ago at the same time, and then LMHnovels goes offline one month later (so 5 months ago), I'm 99% sure that Crimson_Ink, LMHnovels and DurcalAka, are all the same person. This Person, keeps starting new stories (and new accounts, faking reviews and gifts) and dropping them midway to make quick bucks before dropping them, by making a rushed ending in 1 chapter. (Not only that, but under these peoples novels, most of the reviews are HIM. What a manipulative b@$t@rd, I don’t like this person at all.

14d

ExilePath
ExilePathLv2

This story has a steady chapter release, with very throughout idea's plots as well, you can tell that the author is trying to take this story somewhere, and he's trying his best, the writing style isn't unique but that doesn't mean its bad either, would love go see how far this novel could go in the future.

4yr
BaeVida
BaeVidaLv15

Okay, simple synopsis. Your usual eastern fantasy rebirth and cultivation. Some grammatical errors, need to work on your narration. All in all nice story, reborn only to stand at death's door again and to a ****y person's low level cultivation body. For a first writing, you did well. Kip it up.

4yr
panren_soul
panren_soulLv1

Hey Webnovelist! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to email bishop_white@outlook.com We are mainly looking for adventurous novels (Fantasy, Sci-fi, Paranormal Urban, Action, Thriller/Suspense, Game Fiction). A brief introduction along with a few samples or links will be appreciated when reaching out. You might be our next top writer!

4yr
Glory_of_Shadows
Glory_of_ShadowsLv13

From what I have read and its synopsis, I conclude that: 1. This will be a long ride 2. Although the grammar is not perfect, it is good enough 3. The story will be leveling up, gain manual from roulette, fight enemies, travel multiverse (I only read until Chapter 2) 4. As the synopsis said that, there will be a conspiracy, maybe there will be plot twist at the very end, for example, the system was made by powerhouse who want to control multiverse, or the system was a reincarnation of a powerhouse and want to control the host to revive 5. Until chapter 2, the MC gives me an impression that, first, he is not smart mc, second, he is easy-going, third, he is not an experienced MC, fourth, he might be killed for a woman 6. All in all, this is a pretty good novel for people who like mysterious and unpredictable endings while it is not serious all times.

4yr
Kiiara
KiiaraLv12

You got your way with words, author! I was already hooked by your synopsis and then as I read through the first chapter, I couldn’t help but laugh several times. This is a really funny and engaging story. The MC seems fun. I can’t wait for him to cultivate his way to the top! Writing wise, though there r some room for improvement, it is already quite nicely written. The plot is intriguing and the world building is described in details. I love how author don’t just dumb the information for the ranking and stuff into one chapter. Author shares a little as the story goes on. In short, this story is worth to bookmark. Keep up the good work, author!

4yr
ruffatorres
ruffatorresLv13

This story has an amazing plot line. I love how the story progress, it makes the reader want to know more about the next happening in the story. This novel possess a lot of potential! Salute to the author.

4yr
Eternal_Demon
Eternal_DemonLv12

Good work keeps it up, I have given this novel 5 stars because I really like the way he describes everything. 1234 rock on the dance floor. Damn 140 words required.

4yr
NotUse
NotUseLv4

Writing Quality -Creative -Unique -The use of uncommon descriptive words is profound Update -I'll rate it five stars cause why not? Story Development -The pace is perfect -Keeps the readers captivated to yearn for more chapters Character Development -The characters are described realistically and vividly. World Background -5 stars for this as well cause why not? -The story is interesting -world background was described vividly. Overall 5 out 5. Both novels published by the author are amazing. Keep it up👍👍👍

4yr
Jay_y
Jay_yLv2

Lazy_leon you have caught my attention. This is a really good book. I usually don't read rebirth but can I say that this is amazing. Good work👍

4yr
Related Stories

My Werewolf System

What would you do if you were to wake up one day to the message? [You have 5 days until the next full moon] [Your bloodlust is increasing] Gary Dem is a person with a secret. While coming back to school appearing as a whole new person, he does everything he can to keep this from the people he cares about. For his path is one that led him to become part of the underworld. The world has changed, and gangs rule the streets sponsoring big corporations. Bribing politicians behind the scenes and controlling the decisions people make without them knowing it. Using a new breed of humans called the Altered, a mixture of man and beast. It was only meant to be a side job, he was never meant to dig in too deep, but on a mission for his gang, something went wrong, something changed him. [You have 5 days until the next full moon] [Your bloodlust is increasing] The lone wolf... is about to go on a hunt!

JKSManga · Fantasy
4.4
1255 Chs

Lust System: Monster girl Harem

Rated +18 Ethan (unlike many unlucky protagonists) was doing pretty well, he had just graduated from high school, he isn't a straight A student but he isn't so bad either. He was very popular in his high school days, with short black curly hair, average height and build, and a face any girl would die for, Ethan navigated through high school like a breeze. But before he could leave for college he was diagnosed with a strange illness and was told he had only six months to live. The news was devastating to Ethan but it was true, four months had gone in the blink of an eye and Ethan had only two left, he started trying things he hadn't done before. After getting a recommendation from a friend he bought a virtual reality game called Harem Online. Before he could play the game it glitched and was isekaied into a fantasy world where magic and women reigned supreme. Follow Ethan on his adventure as he navigates through a world dominated by women with his lust system. The early chapters might be a little clumsy but it gets really good, oh and lots of lemon, I mean like a lot of lemons. Additional Tags: Adventure - Action - R18 - Isekai - System - Harem - Weak to Strong - Handsome ML - Beautiful FLs - Smut - Elves - Vampires - Demons - Monster Girls. 100 power stones for 1 bonus chapter. 1 Magic castle for 5 bonus chapters. Check out my other work Lust System: Sword Genius in Women's World

Crimson_Blue · Fantasy
4.2
309 Chs

Re-Awakening: I Ascend with a Legendary class

Almond Crowshade was the last surviving human in a dying world whose people failed to conquer the Grand Abyss Labyrinth's 30th floor in time. The world was getting destroyed, and Almond was the last one challenging the 30th Floor multiple times despite the imminent destruction of the planet. He ultimately defeated the Floor Boss on his dying breath by achieving a true awakening, acquiring an X-rank Trait that signified limitless potential. Alas, he won but there was no home or future for what he fought. But a mysterious figure arrived there, feeling pity and amusement. "This is too precious and fun of a toy to let it rot here. You shall reincarnate and climb up to make things interesting." [Transfer to another world commencing…] [Your memories will be sealed, and you will reincarnate in another world that has welcomed Grimworld’s tutorial like this one. Clearing each floor of the Grand Abyss Labyrinth will unlock a portion of your memories, until the 10th Floor, upon which you will gain your full memories.] ‘I’m giving you a second chance. This time, you must clear the Grimworld’s tutorial and step onto the big game to make things interesting and entertaining.’ [Good luck.] Discord: -- https://discord.gg/MSM9Gp3Jxz

I_Cook_Limitlessly · Fantasy
4.7
389 Chs

Supreme Magus

Derek McCoy was a man who spent his entire life facing adversity and injustice. After being forced to settle with surviving rather than living, he had finally found his place in the world, until everything was taken from him one last time. After losing his life to avenge his murdered brother, he reincarnates until he finds a world worth living in, a world filled with magic and monsters. Follow him along his journey, from grieving brother to alien soldier. From infant to Supreme Magus. ------------------------------------------- Tags: Transmigration, Male MC, Western Fantasy Schedule: 12 chapters/week (unless I'm ill or stuff happens) Chapter Lenght: 1200 - 1400 words Warning: The MC is not a hero nor an anti-hero. He is a broken, cynic and misanthropic person looking only for his own gain. If you are looking for a forgiving, nice, MC that goes around saving people in distress, this is not your cup of tea. Same if you want an unchanging MC with no character development. ------------------------------------------- Discord Server: https://discord.gg/suprememagus ---------------------------------------- Cover of Tiamat form Lith Verhen by josh groban aka manohar aka Animustw. My new Pfp was made by Josh (same as above). Visit the official discord for his official portraits of the characters.

Legion20 · Fantasy
4.8
3614 Chs

The Epic Tale of Chaos vs Order

Thousands of years ago, humankind left the Old World. We enter a new age where science and magic are no longer opposing concepts. With these new opportunities came danger in the form of the Dark Races and the ones that named themselves Gods. However, if there was one thing humans were good at was their ability to destroy. Humankind fought and carved a bloody path into the new world. Cain's luck had never been good, but his destiny changed forever once he decided to harden his heart and face the world without fear or hesitation. --Godslayer Humankind's motto.-- We can comprehend the supernatural. We can dominate the supernatural. We can kill the supernatural - Adam, Emperor of Godslayer Humankind, The First Titan. Current schedule: 21 chapters a week. Bonus chapters: Over 600 power stones: 3 extra chapters. Over 800 power stones: 6 extra chapters. Over 1200 power stones: 9 extra chapters. Discord channel: https://discord.gg/R666sNEdrU

Redsunworld · Fantasy
4.5
1654 Chs
Login