webnovel
That1Otaku
That1OtakuLv124yr
2020-06-24 08:16

The story has an interesting plot and the characters so far have been unique. The main issue I have is how the author writes. There's too much explaing of tiny insignificant details and not enough explaining of what the characters are doing. An example would be let's say the main character walking down a hallway and then looks outside a window which would led into a detailed explanation of the architecture of the building. You get what I mean. I as a reader isn't interested in that I would rather know whats going to happen when the mc get to his destination. My advice is to focus on one topic while sprinkling some SIGNIFICANT details that is useful and or will come up later. Besides this I think the story has potentially and will be waiting for more chapters😗.

Liked by 11 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
arya_r_kumar
arya_r_kumarLv11
Miracake
MiracakeLv3
LuluoO
LuluoOLv13
Related Stories

Jock Next Bed (BL)

College was like a wake-up call for most people. Especially the likes of Christopher Owen, who spent the rest of his high school years messing around and pining for the boy he never had. Having had a frustrating high school year, he decided to dedicate himself to his studies in college.   He flew many miles away from home, changed his looks, and hid his real identity from everyone.  His plans were simple: study hard, pass well, no dating. But then he realized two things: life was anything but easy without the backing of his last name. And... he wasn't sure how long he could last before he jumped his roommate, who was obviously not gay. But lust wasn't love, right? Maybe he could indulge a little? Just a little, I promise. ***** EXCERPT: "THAT ARROGANT, GOOD FOR NOTHING, DEMONIC IDIOT! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!" "O-kay... what is going on?" A friend asked him, watching as he paced around the room he just entered. "After battling for a long time. A LONG TIME!" he breathed heavily before continuing, "I... I confessed to him today." The other sat up, eyes wide. "For real?" "And then... with that stupid lollipop in his mouth, he just looked at me and said Okay. OKAY!" Gasps. "I didn't even know people said "okay" to love confessions, but he said "okay" to me!" -- Meanwhile, while he was there panicking, the one who had been confessed to remained seated where he was in the room. He had not moved an inch from that position since he got confessed to. But if one looked closely, they would notice how red his face was, up to the tips of his ears. He suddenly chuckled to himself. "That idiot," he muttered, looking at the door the other had taken.

ThatAmazingGirl · LGBT+
4.7
199 Chs

Crossdressing To Survive An Apocalypse [BL]

Zou Yue jumped to the side, dodging an extended claw of a growling zombie. A pair of warm hands gripped his small waist from behind and pulled him over to a sturdy chest. The same pair of hands slowly groped his chest. “Brother fan w—what are you doing?!” Zou carefully looked up at him. Fan Xui smirked mysteriously at him and removed the huge shades stylishly. A clear pair of eyes met Zou’s challengingly. “since I saved you just now, why don’t you give me a kiss?” “you... you can see!!! Aren’t you blind!!!” Zou Yue glanced in shock. He pushed himself for of his body. Fan Xui laughed out loud, gently caressing Zou’s long black hair. “are you gonna leave me now?,” he continued groping his barely their chest through his girly tank top. “Fuck yeah!! Let go you poser.” he pushed him away and started shooting the zombies outside with renewed passion. Fan suddenly caught his wrist. “You bastard, what are you doing, let go of my hand. The zombies are coming!!!” “Hmm okay,” Fan Xui let go. He swiftly snapped a fluffy handcuff snugly on his wrist, tying them both together. “Now we are tied together for live and death,” “FAN. XUI!! Get this off of me!” Zou growled at him, but the young man just laughed happily. “Sigh, you are beautiful even when you are angry, dear,” Fan Xui whispered and pulled him up for a passionate kiss. He gently bit those soft lips and moaned. “Delicious,” Letting go, he slowly waved his hand towards the upcoming zombies and they are reduced to ashes.

Lullabybao · LGBT+
4.7
433 Chs

The Alpha's Hidden Lover

[Warning: Mature content 18+, BL, Omegaverse] Clyde Aldric would have ascended his throne as the CEO of his family's billion dollars company if it weren't for a Beta falling into his arms begging for a help. Born to a distinguished elite Alpha family as the only surviving male heir, the grave mistake he committed that night with a Beta earned him nothing but a great danger to his own future… However, amidst his hazy vision Clyde found that he wasn't taking any ordinary person to his bed... That golden hair and honey-like eyes…. They sparked the flame of rebellion within his heart! With enemies lurking in the dark trying to prevent him from inheriting the Falcon throne, it wasn't time for him to play around. He should be looking for a powerful Alpha female as a mate, but why couldn't he forget that Beta? His sweet smell, his burning skin, his anger, his dangerous mind... Clyde wanted it all! Now that there’s no going back for everything that happened between them, would he risk his life and everything to keep the fire that continued to burn his passion? *** Ryley was wrong to think that being kind and forgiving would ensure his safety in the modeling world. His sister called him out of the blue, the blond agreed to have a dinner with her thinking it would be a sweet family reunion. But who would have thought that he would find himself waking up in a strange hotel room with all his limbs going numb and someone he didn't know climbing on him! Ryley struggled to escape, and once he managed to get past the door, he unknowingly fell into an Alpha's embrace. All he could remember from that time was how fate pushed them into a bittersweet journey to reveal the truth... He had a secret about his real identity that he had to guard tight especially from Alphas, yet he needed that Alpha to get back at people who hurt him. What should he do? *** Tags: Action, Drama, Revenge, Conspiracy, Mystery, Superpower Get ready to be entangled in the threads of conspiracy, intrigues and betrayals, also a journey of two mortal enemies trying to fight the dire fate that the world forced upon them! *** Join my discord server: https://discord.gg/JU3XsnJzpS *Thank you for reading!*

DrAxy66 · LGBT+
4.8
1031 Chs

The cannon fodder's revenge (BL)

(Completed) This is the first novel I've ever written, please be nice. “Whoever freed me made a mistake, because I'll only bring death and carnage in my wake.” A mysterious voice proposed: “How about we do it together baby?” A-Xuan spent his entire life fighting to be able to live well since he was an orphan with no one at his side. All he did was work and go to school until he got a well-paying job in a famous high-tech company. Just before he could enjoy the fruit of his hard labor, he was abducted and became a slave to a cannon fodder system CF. From then on started his miserable journey. For over 20 000 years he suffered misfortune after misfortune as he traveled from world to world. Each body he inhabited lived a terrible life until its painful end. Between each world, he only had a few moments in the Locus space before he had to move on until it turned into freedom. A-Xuan studied the interface in his forearm, and then looked at his status in the CF system. He smiled and looked around the stary place. He watched as a shooting star passed in front of him. A-Xuan reached out and destroyed the star in pieces with a vicious smile. Now that he is free, he'll use the CF system as it should've been used. He'll cause immeasurable damage and suffering to anyone who had a hand in the extermination of all the bodies he'll inhabit. A-Xuan reached for the nearest star and disappeared with a malicious smile. Arc 01: Modern Era (15 Chapters)✔ Arc 02: Abo (10 Chapters)✔ Arc 03: Actor (13 Chapters)✔ Arc 04: Vampire (13 Chapters)✔ Arc 05: Interstellar (8 Chapters)✔ Arc 06: Mafia (10 Chapters)✔ Arc 07: Ancient Era (8 Chapters)✔ Arc 08: Witch (13 Chapters)✔ Arc 09: Ger (14 Chapters)✔ Arc 10: Fairy (14 Chapters)✔ Arc 11: Origin (16 Chapters)✔ Arc 12: Apocalypse (10 Chapters)✔ Arc 13: Gods Realm (9 Chapters)✔ *********************************

TheEmpressNing · LGBT+
4.6
153 Chs

It's Just A Picture (BL)

(MATURE CONTENT) Threesome arc? - Right here A weak, adorable, and low self-esteemed MC with an awful past, a trauma breaking him down every second and controling his life, just before he meets his 'suns', and later gains confidence and starts loving himself again arc? - Right here. Yeah, you read that right. Twin brothers who radiate like the sun and are very possessive of the MC, putting his happiness above everything arc? Gosh, look no further, you're in the right place. This story is just for you, so open it and read to your heart's content. ****** Synopsis I was just a no-name photographer who was trying hard to make a living, but then I got tangled with 'them'. My life, as it was, had always been nothing but a nightmare, living a cursed life that wasn't fit to be called a life. I had no chances with love, connections, or anything. Nothing! And after drawing my last straw, trying to make a final effort that would maybe lead me somewhere other than dirt, I met them again. They - the twins - were my childhood friends whose lives I had ruined with my presence, and I was scared to ruin it a second time, so I tried to stay away from them but... They had other plans. 'When angels dream.' That was what I called the picture. The beautiful portrait was filled with serenity as that blond Italian man gazed into the distance and was showered with the soft petals of cherry blossom. The beautiful picture I had 'stolen'. Yeah, that's the word. I stole it because I didn't ask for permission first. But this is how it unfolded. At first, I took the picture without asking because I was so mesmerized by the scenery, and completely breathtaking, but then I got caught but it wasn't by the same man. They looked alike and wore the same clothes but I could tell right away that he wasn't him. Nevertheless, I apologized. "I'm deeply sorry." I said but then, the man whom I had stolen a picture from walked up behind me and said, "To think such a day would come." I turned around and blinked, looking at the man in front of me and then at the one behind me. They were identical twins. And not only that ... My heart shook... They looked like the twins I had known back then. "What's the matter?" The one in front asked with a bright smile that I was so compelled to take a picture of him and I did. He blinked at my confused expression and then burst out laughing. A sweet and cheerful laugh that made me blush. he looked really handsome. They both did, with their blonde hair which shone like gold with the suns radiation and a charming smile. I found my heart racing at the mere sight of that smile and almost forgot the situation I was in. "I see you haven't changed at all." He suddenly said, swiped my hair back and added, softly, "Hyung." My eyes widened. These two... It couldn't be... They weren't the twins, right? The twins that I knew. They... How did this happen? I just wanted a picture, that's all. ****** Thank you all for diving into this story. Note, the smut doesn't officially start right away till the later chapters but I didn't leave the readers without some sweet candies either, so along the line, there were a bunch of 'actions' between MC and the twins, huhu. His denial knew no bound but his body still won in the end, haha. Anyway, if you find waiting for updates too long, and you haven't checked out my other books, please do. There's also a threesome arc in the first one below. And it's completed too. What a score! 1) Alpha, Alpha, Beta? I transmigrated into an Omegaverse as a boy? [Completed] Check out the continuation of number one, It's the next generation, that is, their kids 2) To Byul (Omegaverse) [Ongoing ]

Byul_Byre · LGBT+
4.3
379 Chs