webnovel
Worn_out_by
Worn_out_byLv154yr
2020-09-13 11:32

Honestly its one Cliche after another even after only reading for a short time. To make things worse though is this guy is weak, dumb, cowardly and all around hes terrible in any and every way. So much so that it was hard to even read 3 to 4 chapters without wanting to pull my hair out

Liked by 10 people

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Replies3
PatternWolfComrade
PatternWolfComradeLv11

Then stop reading the book if you don't like it, but don't you dare complain about an author actually making his MC go from weak and stupid, to smart and strong.

akserhy
akserhyLv14

dude read past chapter 30 he will no longer be a cry baby. And the story improves a lot. Its totally worth reading.

SorcererCat
SorcererCatLv5

The biggest problem for me is the 8th grade syndrome comedy it has going on in it chapter after chapter after chapter... On top of this if he is supposed to be going to school to become a blacksmith then why hasn't the author written about the blacksmithing stuff and just jumps into a random adventure before even establishing his life as a blacksmith in training in the new school?

Other Reviews
Chryiss
ChryissLv5

To be bluntly honest and direct, the rating of 3 about sums up my opinion of this story—it’s average. After reading through 9 chapters, I wasn’t impressed nor was I repulsed. Just neutral. This story is like a skeleton that has a lot of room for improvement. It’s the basic litrpg story notion without much differentiation from any other litrpg’s. Writing Quality: Average Update Stability: Great Story Development: Below Average Character Design: Below Average World Background: Average Firstly, writing. Your English grammar is actually quite fair. No obvious awkward phrasings to note with verb tenses mainly correct. My only qualm is the punctuation. Several sentences need commas badly to make the syntax correct. And the spaces before and after commas and quotations is seriously bugging me. This is a personal little “itch” of mine whenever I see those incorrect spaces. It just doesn’t make for a pleasant reading experience. Writing style wise, it’s basically nonexistent. But as I’ve said to others, writing style is a work in a progress that develops the more you write. But your story can definitely benefit from more detail, emotion, and vocabulary. Currently, this is written as a basic web serial. Story development and character design. The first chapter was confusing. I think you made a typo with Mark Edwinson instead of Max. The repeated going to the awakening ceremony was confusing and not very engaging. It didn’t add anything to the story when you could’ve jumped right to the issuing of the gene system. All that failed awakening info can just be part of the background story for the MC. The story also drags with no much interesting conflict. I can’t see where the plot is going except for getting stronger. I understand many litrpgs are like this, but usually there is still some motivating goal for the MC to become powerful. So far, the MC doesn’t demonstrate any individuality or personality. This is further emphasized by the first person narrative. Stay away from first person narrative. It can easily get messy and confusing if you ever switch perspectives. And the principle reason for using first person is to deliver any in-depth view or insight into the speaker. This was not accomplished. In fact, you could’ve easily made this story in third person, and nothing would be lost. If you want first person, then you’ll need to improve on the narrative thought process. What does the MC feel and think? How does his actions confirm or contradict his inner thoughts? What’s his inner perspective that might not be outwardly expressed? This is what first person narrative should be used for conveying. A short bit to add onto character and writing. Instead of using caps to convey shouting, just use regular text and say that he’s shouting, like: “Damn it!” He/I shouted vehemently. Caps is unnerving and not pleasant to read. Only save caps for crucial moments and not for general shouting or cursing. Some story dialogue is unnecessary. Only include what is integral to the plot and reader’s comprehension. Not every spoken word by every character is needed. Think plot-first, what does this dialogue achieve for the story? Does it convey more of a character’s personality is besides what’s know? Does it spur forth anything conflict or reveal something important? World background is okay. Not much is described of the settings; the system details in place are sufficient though. Be careful of having too many numbers where your story becomes mainly stat screens and skills information. Plot first, always. In short, you have a lot of room for improvement, but you have the necessary English skills to back up what could become a very good story. Keep writing~!

Reached_The_Apex_
Reached_The_Apex_Lv10
LordInsanity
LordInsanityLv5
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