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donschmiddy
donschmiddyLv134yr
2021-02-11 06:50

I only managed to get through the first 6 chapters.... The grammar and syntax are beyond bad. The author miss-uses tenses a lot. Infact he interchangeably uses them in every other sentence. Even the average 6th grader should have a better grasp on atleast the 4 simplest and when to use them: Simple past/past progressive and simple present/present progressive. To the author: I am not trying to disparage your work but you are honestly not that gifted when it comes to grammar, either study up or get an editor to do the work for you. One last thing: even in the earlier chapter you are artificially inflating your wordcount. You are creating needlessly complicated sentences that no one understands and break syntax. Keep the sentences short, it will improve flow, you'll make less mistakes and the reader will in no way be confused.

Liked by 10 people

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Replies2
A_Plane
A_PlaneLv3

Dont worry, the story is so bad that the grammer and word count is the least important concern.

JOSH_ONE
JOSH_ONELv2

read Power Level : Immortals. you won't be disappointed

Other Reviews
Suiyan
SuiyanAuthor

Hi guys, this is the very first chapter, and I would like to make some things clear. 1- There will be romance? Well, a little, but I'm not a romanticist. Hence, this will take place 'SUPER FU***NG LATE' in the story. So don't worry about Feifei for now. She isn't the main point here, Krune's life as a wisp is. 2- If you haven't noticed the spaceship yet, you better know that this is a novel where technology exists. Still, it is mostly used for convenience. It takes almost no part in the cultivators' strength, so don't expect super mechas or spiritual armors or whatever. Think about this universe as if our nowadays technology meets the ancient cultivation world and they just get well together. It also helps to create a lot of funny events, so... 3- The first 20 chapters or so doesn't picture it well. Still, like a wisp, Krune only has the little knowledge that he learned in the forest and by secretly visiting the nearby villages. He knows about the technological world but had barely involved himself with it before leaving the Katiu Forest. 4- As a nonhuman, Krune has no EQ when considering the humans' culture and habits. It is definitely one of the top trends of this novel, so you can expect a lot of 'smashing my face against the common sense wall' after chapter 20 more or less. 5- Will there be harem in this novel? No, there won't be any, be it Krune or any other character in the entire story. 'Sorry, Mario, but your princess is in another castle.' I'm the type of person that can't accept a world where a man having several wives is okay. Still, a woman having more than one man is considered a betrayal, this is BS! I have no problem with novels where both genres have the same rights, though. 6-The book is now passing through a re-edition. The story won't change anywhere, just the grammar will be fixed. You will notice that the grammar will turn bad at some point, and then it will come back to normal after chapter 100. Thanks to my editor for all the work on the existing chapters so far. o/

AlienTurkey9958
AlienTurkey9958Lv11

The quality of the writing is over all alright there are a few spelling mistakes here and there but nothing that can't be over looked. The stability of the updates is pretty consistent so not much to complain about. The real downfall of this story is the characters and their development, and by development I mean the lack of it. The characters frankly are boring and very 2d most of their personalities can be described with a few words such as, mean and money hungry, talented and ignorant, genius and quiet, and for Ao he has nothing other than being the only other guy in the story. The story development is also very bad it is mostly the same over used jokes and the protagonist getting bullied by his so called friends. The Mc is supposed to be smart but then makes the same mistakes over and over again, and then it is just labeled as a joke. The one thing that makes the Mc unique, other than his race, is almost instantly given to his friends and they are only slightly slower than the "genius" mc. This story had so much potential, and I really enjoyed it at the stat but then the repetition of the same thing made the story get old real quick. As a suggestion to the author pleased do not keep forcing the same jokes, build on the characters more, give something to make the mc unique again, other than his race, allow the mc to grow and learn from his mistakes instead of repeating them. These are just a few things that could be done to improve the over story. Once again I love the concept of the story and the beginning was great, it just never let the characters to be built cause it to get boring really quickly.

Tortul
TortulLv12
Kannan768
Kannan768Lv3
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