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Heretoc
HeretocLv44yr
2020-02-01 23:04

I never rate novels by upcoming ******* authors except, when it's great or very bad. This story is not bad, but the way it's going, it will soon be. Why? 1: Language. I am not expecting perfect grammar, but at least enough to make it readable. Wrong sentence formation, no punctuations, long sentences, lack of conjunctions etc. Have you even ran it on a text editor like Word or on a grammar correcting software like Grammarly? 2: Extremely long paragraphs : After first two chapters I found myself skipping most of the chapters. The language already makes it a burden to read. Add these long paragraphs, you find yourself questioning why? 3: MC : As many people already said, the MC is an idiot. How can someone who is around 18, become an idiot who acts like a kid. Until two or three chapters in, he seem to remember the Canon. Now? He remembers nothing. The best part of it? There seems to be no rhyme or reason behind it. It just is. 4: Story : It's extremely wordy and long drawn. Unnecessary details and over explanation just ruin it for me. All this with poor language and long paragraphs, force you to skip. I have many more things to point out but I am too tired to do so. So sorry, but I am dropping it. This story is not for me. Oh and it's over rated. Why does it even have a 4. Rating when the story is not even around a 3?

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Replies4
Heretoc
HeretocLv4

And QI has censored the word *******. In case this word is censored it's A M A T E U R. Just like this censor.

picaco
picacoAuthor

You gave good points, and i never new about the *******. For the first points. I can agree with you, the first chapter are difficult to digest, i think that for the 30 chapter or something like there, I improved, at least in paragraph and grammar (Yeah I started using grammarly and rereading) For the memories like I always say it has an explanation, it is completely explained at chapter 66,leaving traces in previous chapters. I know that it may not be the best way to put it, but i like the result. For the overrated. In my opinion most stories are overrated, a 5 should be perfection and a very low novel attain it. The system has mostly become do you like it? 5. You don't? 1. Never truly analyzing. If I will rayed truthfully in the fanfic category I will rated for 3,5. The first chapters sucks, only seeing them it would be a 2'5./, At least in that time the releases were fast.

Torafor
ToraforLv4

Author i "beg" you to change it to Mi- *cough* Personality *cough* Separation Control

picaco:You gave good points, and i never new about the *******. For the first points. I can agree with you, the first chapter are difficult to digest, i think that for the 30 chapter or something like there, I improved, at least in paragraph and grammar (Yeah I started using grammarly and rereading) For the memories like I always say it has an explanation, it is completely explained at chapter 66,leaving traces in previous chapters. I know that it may not be the best way to put it, but i like the result. For the overrated. In my opinion most stories are overrated, a 5 should be perfection and a very low novel attain it. The system has mostly become do you like it? 5. You don't? 1. Never truly analyzing. If I will rayed truthfully in the fanfic category I will rated for 3,5. The first chapters sucks, only seeing them it would be a 2'5./, At least in that time the releases were fast.
picaco
picacoAuthor

Mind or Personality it more or less the same and I consider mind to have a better ring, there are also the fact that the mind space is separated in different spaces for each one of the personalities. In my opinion both are correct, I only used mind because it sounded better

Torafor:Author i "beg" you to change it to Mi- *cough* Personality *cough* Separation Control
Other Reviews
picaco
picacoAuthor

Here's the author doing a review of this already finished novel. I started writing this novel as my first time truly writing in English to improve it. The grammar and phrase construction is lacking at first, but as the novel advances, I improved in it, Grammarly was a great help. For the Stability of the updates, I finished writing 256 chapters after 10 months, almost a chapter for day as average. Is already finished so there's nothing much to say. About the story, at first it start with a lax and infantil writing, with a very crude English. The story being written day by day without, always changing what I had thought. This causes some plot holes over the novel that I closed maybe a little forcefully over the novel. What most people complained was about the loss of memory. Yes, there was and in chapter forty-something is explained the why. Read it thinking that he has no memories of the novel after his first ring. People also complained about his style that was control-defense, but why? With a team is a good style, being able to control the team, letting the others finish them. Then as the story advances, entering more the solo player mode, his style changes. Summarizing, I liked to write this story even facing against the hate. It starts a little poor and I am not too proud of it, only considering it as the improvement of the later parts. But, I am proud of the end, really liking how it finished. If you like OP characters that goes facepalming everyone, because it didn't matter anything because they are OP and untouchable, this isn't your novel. He grows stronger than his age, faving greater enemies but always with that might lose.

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