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Ouroboros001
Ouroboros001Lv124yr
2021-04-08 22:39

The yaoi vibes clash with the tags that are claiming an R-18 Harem. The protag is dumb and the plot is ridiculous. Filled with unnatural cliche moments that immediately break you out of the story. At one point some random rich dude that has his figure explained in detail is flirting with the protag in a cab after he stole it. Now that does nothing for me as a straight man secure in my sexuality, I don't care if a character is that way, but at the same time, I'm looking at the tags confused about how I got to this point. Know what I mean? The author said it was supposed to be funny. This was just one of the events like that. Then there are the over-the-top cliches. The phone thing was where I dropped it. I'm not gonna bother going into them though. Just don't waste your time if you're bothered by any of this. Do not go in expecting the plot to move towards what the tags claim anytime soon. It's very boring even if you ignore what I've pointed out.

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Goham
GohamAuthor

Thanks for the critique.

Other Reviews
NotYourCat
NotYourCatLv11

read till the latest chapter... and I have many problem with this story and how the author wrote it... okay, first let's start with something that I like about this story 1. I like the concept about combined story of culinary world and underground world 2. I like the harem development 3. Ming Ming is cute and here is what I didn't like about the story 1. story development, till the latest chapter I read (title:dummy daddy) I barely see any development of the story on the area of cooking or the underground. on the chef or cooking plot, we only read about how MC can cooking a really good food, luckily got rich friend that let him "borrow" the restaurant, and sell the food there, and conveniently his rich friend have rich uncle that help MC promote his restaurant... he want to expand his restaurant so buying few store, and currently randomly got selected to participate in cooking competition... there is barely any development, morever it lack on the food department, the variety of the food, the description, and the feeling of passion in cooking... I think author need to read more about cooking story so that he know what I mean... for the part of underground, the development is a bit better, I'll talk what I hate in this part on point 2. 2. the MC is stupid and all the character here is stupid. on the underground part, the MC already got harassed and attacked many time by Houzi Gang, and he did nothing to protect his business and close one, whrn he is close with the girls, finally he think about protecting them and suddenly he want to control the leader of the gang, like... WTF, I got really irritated by this because of MC stupidity, he doesn't have anything he can do to control the gang boss, how? and he really acted on it, and a stupid plot that made me want to throw my phone happen... sigh... finally he got lucky shot and killed the boss and this shit "snake without head" got mentioned a lot, is the MC really think that metaphor is a real thing? till one of his girlfriend got kidnapped and almost got raped by those "snake without head"... 3. the plot that the author wrote for the face slapping element is really bad... it feels forced and unrealisric and the ending/conclusions/punishment is not satisfying... 4. I feel really uncomfortable when reading the story, the plot is too thick and there is a little room for reader to rest... 5. I hate when author randomly put torture scene here is what I yhink you should do author: 1. made the characters less stupid, you can start it by thinking "will people in real life do it" 2. you should do more research on cooking story, not about the cooling but how the author of cooking story convey things and how they made their story insteresting 3. when you want to write face slap, make the conclusion or punishment satisfying. when someone slap you, you want to slap the one that slapped you harder right? so you should made the conclussion or punishment bigger than the set up... 4. make a space... make the story in arc so that the plot is not a mess right now, this is really important so the plot in your story will not be extra tick like now, so your reader can have a time to rest... for example in arc 1, make the set up, make the problem, and make the problem bigger, a solustion and ths conclusion and repeat it on arc 2, 3, 4, 5..... 5. convey feelings, not telling plots. you need to know what feeling you want to convey in each word, sentence, paragraph, and chapter, and also think will your reader feel the same or not... 6. understand your target reader, wrote what they like and don't wrote what they hate, you can research this by reading story of the same genre. btw this point is not absolute, you can adapt it into what you want to write and combine it with what your reader like and dislike to make your own decision...

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