webnovel
Sangabriel
SangabrielLv54yr
2020-02-26 04:04

I'll try to explain the most i can't without it looking like i'm dissing the story. First, i need to say that the premise it's a bit of a rip off from Tales of Demons and Gods, i need to say too, that the author changed it and gave his personal touch, so it's not much of a problem. Truth be told i like those changes, like the stories about the Spirit World. Now, my major problem is the author has a lot of difficulties with the lines of his story, i mean, they're enclosed on a finite place, it's undestable that resources and more specifically land are really valuable, then we get that each member of the genius class get a radius of 75 miles or 150 miles of diameter. My country has provincies a lot smaller than that. It's hard for me to undestand the limits of the knights on the history, the core of it. 13 years old children with punchs of 8 tons, ok, then the MC need to get out of the safe area, at 200 meters of the wall, the find a diamond storm, but they're super away to get back to the wall and be safe. Man... I'm not exactly atletic and can do that 200 meters in 15? 20 seconds? If the knight are so strong i think they're quick at the same proportion, being atleast between 10-100 faster than a normal person, but they prefer look around for a cave than go back 200 meters with this superspeed. Author you need to look at the number better, maybe 20 o 30 km or even more will be a lot more understable on this plot. Characters are lot better truth be told, they're are a few of the good points of the story, and then he ****ed it when he lost everything he had of the novel and thought why can i not change this in first person? Then the MC changed from an ancient protector to a warmonger arrogant child. The last thing and what i love the most of this type of novels, reincarnation type i mean, are the details of the world, things that the people doesnt know, because it's something extremely ancient or special that they think it's simple or simply didnt undestand. At first this was a strong point here and then it simply stopped, where was everything? I liked that a lot. I'll not say much about the fault of editing everything in the last 30-40 chapters but, yeah, that's a big "-" on my eyes too. With some work this can be remade on a good novel. Good luck

Liked by 12 people

LIKE
Replies1
Hateful_Fellow
Hateful_FellowAuthor

Thanks for sharing your insights, this will surely help me get better at writing. I'll try to fix the problems you pointed out so that I could make sure my novel gets better. Thanks again.

Other Reviews
Parag0n1
Parag0n1Lv4

This review is based on what the author wrote. The criticism would be purely constructive and does not intend to discourage anyone from reading the novel. Worldbuilding- 3/5 The shallowness of the description of the world is so apparent. I get it that they are living in a confined space right now, but it would be better if you try to be wordy on this case since a lot chapter will happen on this 'Place' on the upcoming episodes. There are a lot of places that are mentioned in the earlier chapters, as well. It will be technically competent if you mention it one at a time. In this case, your novel is a reincarnation genre where it would go wrong unless you can describe those places in a bit descriptive way in the following chapter. Character- The people around the lead exists just for the convenience of the story - without deepness - you can make your characters carry some emotions, not only acting like a predictable robot. Please make them a real human being. Sentence structure- 2/5 A lot of paragraphs are so badly transitioned. It is making your lead looks like a multi-tasker. I rarely encounter grammatical errors and typos, as well. Which is good. Some punctuations are necessary for the readers to understand what is going on with the situations, and we can understand them clearly. Overall- 2/5 I love this kind of novel; I guess it all matters how the authors writes it. For me, it would be a good read if you don't have stories to enjoy anymore. What can I say is, this story has a lot of potentials. Just read a lot of popular books out there and particularly learn how they transition every paragraph. I wish you all the best.

YesEvil
YesEvilLv15

Writing Quality: There are a lot of mistakes in any given chapter which greatly hinders the flow of reading. The most blatant mistakes are missing words or incorrect words such as "tales" instead of 'tails' or "of" instead of 'if'. Stability of Updates: I've powered through 50 chapters so I am not up to the update waiting part yet, don't think I will get there though. Checking the history shows it started off daily but has switched to a weekly mass update. Mostly reliable so far. Story Dev: Nothing really stands out, a bit forceful in moving the story along. Still in a stage where it feels like the story is in it's infancy which is fair for only having read 50 chapters. Character Design: Cliche? But at the same time it only feels like we have gotten to know two characters, the MC and romantic interest. A lot of the characters are just there and they don't feel "alive". Just being there for the sake of needing to be there. I will admit I was happy that the MC showed glimpses of quality from his youth, however it just makes it seem like he never changed even with the reincarnation. World Background: Nothing special, but it is early days. A lot to learn about the author's world in the future releases. I am a fan of the 'last bastion' start. Overall I don't really find anything special about this title. My best way to explain how I feel is that I would not use SS or FP to read this novel. My advice to the author would be to improve their writing via properly editing their work and to flesh out characters so the readers will actually care about what happens with them.

TheTrueGilgamesh
TheTrueGilgameshLv6
Related Stories

Talent Awakening: Draconic Overlord Of The Apocalypse

"Level up? Dragons?" Eighteen. The age of Awakening. An important moment where every human in the desolate maga-cities unlocks their Talent, a unique ability to carve a path in this monster-plagued apocalyptic world. Alister Hazenworth, a graduating student, and a rising star at the prestigious Aegis Academy, was destined for greatness. His exceptional athleticism and magical aptitude promise a powerful Talent – a guarantee for a secure life and social status. But fate had different plans. During Alister's Awakening ceremony, it's revealed that he's a Summoner. Instead of admiration, he faces mockery. His once bright future turns bleak as his "friends" desert him for Talents they see as more "useful." left alone, Alister awakens a system. [Host found, system binding...] [System binded successfully.] [Congrats, you have gain the status of 'player'.] [Ding!! Congrats to the player for awakening The Dragonforge - an overlord system.] [Ding!! it has been detected that the player possesses a latent draconic aspect, and as such will only be able to summon dragons!!] [Will the player like to proceed with their first summoning?] Cast aside and underestimated, Alister becomes a force to be reckoned with. He embarks on a journey, building his own dragon army – a crew of majestic wyverns, fearsome drakes, and ancient wyrms. He raids the wastelands, reclaims lost resources, and dismantles the prejudice against summoners. Every day, his power grows, his bond with his dragons deepens, and his legend spreads like wildfire. [A/N: This is a slow paced novel, don't expect the protagonist to suddenly start out overpowered and start dominating left and right, he will become an overlord of dragons, yes, but it will take time. (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)] Cover made by me /⁠ᐠ⁠。⁠ꞈ⁠。⁠ᐟ⁠\ [WSA 2024]

Zurbluris · Fantasy
4.4
290 Chs