Review Detail of Scarlettbunny in When back in Time
Review detail
Not sure what the significance is for writing Tagalog when your characters understand each other but it is different. As for the story, it would probably flow better if you worked on your grammar, spelling and spacing. In Chapter five you have the god of time saying that the FL ate Clara? Not sure what you were going with that but if she really was going to eat Clara please expand or explain. Cannibalism from someone who tries to help others, wow you got imagination! Never apologize for how short or long your chapters are, you be you and write until you are satisfied. How old is your FL? I know she's in school but I assumed like young... So on to the review. Based on only the first 5 chapters, grammar is mediocre, it disrupts the flow of the story pulling you out of the whatever scene you are picturing. Some spelling mistakes and some paragraphs are mistakenly broken. Characters are still developing, too early to figure out what's going on but this can also be a negative. FL is definitely stubborn, lacks patience and wisdom but is a driven by selflessness. It's a solid foundation and makes you want to read more just so you can see her growth but the time god... Is still a giant question mark, sadistic or bored, read more chapters to find out. World background/development, not a lot to go by but is more then the others I've read, so good effort and keep it up. Time travel, mystery and FL who thinks they can save the world... Why not?
When back in Time
dillydally_girl
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Thank you for your review. Ummmm.... To clear things up, I was supposed to write the story in Filipino but then, I'd entered this contest which required me to use English as my medium in the story. And to be honest, the characters do really need to speak in Tagalog because in the past there is no such language as English in the Philippines. The different usage of language kind of like indicates the past and the present (The people who can speak English must have come from the present or must have traveled in the present and know the English language) (Meanwhile, the people in the Past speaks their mother tongue which is Tagalog) And as for 'ate', I'm sorry I'll edit it out. I was supposed to showcase the culture of Filipino. And the word 'ate' means older sister, or someone who is older than you. I always forgot to indicate the protagonist's age, my bad. I'll surely try to edit my chapters and try to improve. Again, thank you, reader.