Review Detail of gracewolf8759 in Lesbian Romance

Ooookay well I only made it to part 1 and okay hon this would be a great story but I want to give ya a tip and after this you can choose to ignore or whatever you want. When writing a novel just keep writing till you get done with that chapter. But then go back and re-read it out loud, normally that helps with some Grammer issues, and once you've done that, get someone else to read it out loud. Also when a character it speaking always use proper dialogue. For example: Clouda's beauty still took my breath away, though my longing to be with her could never be fulfilled. "Hey! Are you even listening to me? I swear!" Grace huffed a sigh. "It's her again huh? You're thinking about her aren't you?" I tore my eyes away from Clouda and stared at Grace. "I can't help it, I'm sorry" she groaned and took my hand dragging me away from the courtyard....(end of example) See hon? I hope you'll understand my meaning but I will continue reading your novel because I know that you have great potential.