webnovel
Andrew_1828
Andrew_1828Lv15yr
2019-05-30 07:51

So far so good, only a few grammatical errors. I do note that you are already in the works of your next chapters which is good. Your story gives good information into the characters even from the start, however I do wish that you can be a bit more vivid with your wording to create better imagery on your characters since you do not have images on your characters as of right now.

The Day I Died.

Lightdragoons
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5 Chs

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Other Reviews
panren_soul
panren_soulLv1

Hey Webnovelist! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to email bishop_white@outlook.com We are mainly looking for adventurous novels (Fantasy, Sci-fi, Paranormal Urban, Action, Thriller/Suspense, Game Fiction). A brief introduction along with a few samples or links will be appreciated when reaching out. You might be our next top writer!

4yr

Async0929
Async0929Lv1

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you want to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new works, you might want to contact rebecca.review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters, or links will be appreciated when reaching out.

4yr
kagekun101
kagekun101Lv1

Racist old woman: I'm gonna say the N Word! Private: That's racist! You can't say the N Word! Skipper: Mrs. Obama, I've done it. I've stopped racism! Mrs. Obama: Thank you Skipper. Now I am free to roam this Earth. Trump: Not if I have anything to say about it. And I do! I'm gonna say the N Word! Skipper: MRS OBAMA GET DOWN Trump: Niggaaa Skipper: Mrs. Obama, where are you? Are you okay? Trump: She is no longer with us, Skipper. And with her death, I am finally free to say the N Word whenever I want. Martin Luther King Jr.: Not if I have anything to say about it, Trump! And, I do! Prepare for my Civil Rights Beam! Trump: AAAAAAUG Trump: Skipper, my son, you wouldn't let me die, would you? Skipper: Shut up, cracker Trump: AAAAAAUG Skipper: Hey Kowalski, who's that guy in front of us rising out of the water? False Obama: It is I, Barack Obama! Kowalski: Mr. Obama, what are you doing here? False Obama: I have come to exact revenge on you penguins for allowing my wife to die at the hands of Donald Trump. Skipper: But Mr. Obama, we did everything we could! False Obama: I've already made up my mind. Skipper: Mr. Obama, don't do it! This won't bring Michelle back! False Obama: Niggaaa Penguins: AAAAAAUG Skipper: Skipper's Log, #32. Barack Obama has struck us out of the sky by saying the N Word. Kowalski: It just doesn't make sense, Skipper! Obama would never say the N Word! Skipper: I don't understand it either Kowalski. But some things you just gotta live with. Unless... Donald Trump! I shoulda known it was you! False Obama(Trump): Skipper, my son, I see you've discovered my master plan. Now that I've taken over Obama's body, I have full reign to say the N Word whenever and however I please. Skipper: So what you're saying is you're inside of another man? False Obama(Trump): Why, yes, I suppose you could say that. Skipper: But Mr. Trump, wouldn't that make you GAY? False Obama(Trump): No.. this can't be! Trump: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Skipper: Well boys, we did it. Racism is no more. Mr. Obama: Hello, Skipper. Skipper: Mr. Obama? What are you doing here? Mr. Obama: I came to thank you for your great service to this country. Skipper: No thanks necessary, Mr. Obama. Mr. Obama: As a token of my gratitude, I'd like to give you the N Word Pass. Skipper: Mr. Obama, it is an honor to call you my nigga. Mr. Obama: And as to you, old friend

5yr
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