webnovel
ken_ringdomstory
ken_ringdomstoryLv14yr
2020-11-21 07:56

Hey Webnovelist! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to email kenreview@outlook.com We are mainly looking for adventurous novels (Fantasy, Sci-fi, Paranormal Urban, Action, Thriller/Suspense, Game Fiction). A brief introduction along with a few samples or links will be appreciated when reaching out. You might be our next top writer!

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Eslyna
EslynaLv4

NOTE THIS IS A CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK REVIEW AND PROBABLY DOES NOT RELATE TO CURRENT STATE OF NOVEL *I am not coming back to update the rating* Ok, first of all you need to make your paragraphs smaller. You want your paragraphs as small as possible and seperate it by each time a new thought is started. There were litterally paragraphs covering my full screen on my phone, was worse than last review. You need to read your chapters more before you publish them btw, you are missing some commas, and errors you didn't fix like first page ., You had that. For commas, you can try speaking out loud or in your mind SLOWER that way you can catch the pauses. You need to put commas for but and and (most cases for and). Try to make some of your sentences shorter too. No reader wants to read a sentence that 5 lines long (on my phone). If you must make super long sentences, only do it like once a chapter. Put a space after your ..... and also you cant out commas after that ......, You don't need to capitalize if you are still continuing the sentence, just delete the comma though if you are using that. For things you aren't sure are right EVEN A LITTLE BIT just search what you wrote in google. like allright neesa a space. Try not to use all caps a lot. Its rarely used ib writing for a reason, as it does not fit in almost all circumstances. If you use all caps, you should only use it for one line paragraphs, which willmostly be a scent, noise, etc. PAINNNN, AGHHH, BLOODDDD, etc. Might be wrong about this, but I think lied is used wrongly (I think). For words that have the same sound to another meaning, ALL WAYS LOOK IT UP, too double check. Even if I'm wrong on that word, you should still do it. Try to desribe 5 senses and emotions more too btw. The characters felt too 2D and unrealistic in their actions. Like parents seemed like they didn't care one bit other than the conversation. For example you can write "A air of gloom surrounded the table, his mom's eyes were souless, his dad started to be out of shape, growing stubs of facial hair." Make it more relatable. Also this part is opinionated, but I feel you should change the synopsis a little bit. I just don't get the phrase, 'she was his ideal', like he loved her? He idoled her? idk don't get it. I honestly couldn't read after C1 as I already wrote so much... I just skimmed C2 sorry couldn't finish it.. Because of this I made story development a 4 to not be biased as I haven't read enough. I marked 2 for updates as its not haitus but the speed is way too slow.

Shiksha_Jerath
Shiksha_JerathLv5
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Jason, Bianca, Simon, Lily, Leilani, Shyla, and Jake- students of different background with nothing in common but the fact that they all had secrets they were trying to keep and they had all sinned against a person, were tricked into a room that gave their life a different direction. Simon died in the room, Shyla went missing immediately they got out, leaving the rest of them as suspects. They became less suspicious as they were being murdered one after the other and more suspicious as every one of their hidden secrets were no longer hidden and no longer secrets. The last two survivors figured out that things didn't look as it seems, but the real culprit was always around-The culprit wouldn't want them getting away with the truth though Follow these students on their journey and discover how one's life can change overnight, how sweet or bad love can be, lots of secrets untold, And also discover who the last survivor(s) would be or maybe there is none. You like my book? Kindly comment Add to your library Send power stones Send gifts Share with your friends I'm asking too much (winks) Please do all if you can STAY SAFE AND HAPPY READING. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DISCLAIMER: THIS BOOK IS TOTALLY A WORK OF MY IMAGINATION, ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ANYTHING MIGHT BE A COINCIDENCE OR WHERE I GOT MY INSPIRATION FROM. THE BOOK COVER WAS DESIGNED BY ME BUT, THE MAIN PICTURE WAS DOWNLOADED FROM GEULGRAM

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