webnovel
260821
260821Lv125yr
2019-04-11 21:35

Pretty good read. Overall writing quality is not bad, I’d love it if the chapters were longer though. Still would recommend if you’re looking for something shorter to read.

Liked by 1 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
XOMatsumaeohana
XOMatsumaeohanaLv15

Part of a review swap, (Chapter 23) Writing Quality: 2.6- I'm being quite generous, I hope you don't mind me saying so but the writing made my head hurt. Going to offer some suggestions. Chapter 4- "In your eyes, (space should be here) am I (I should be capitalized) When you start a new sentence, make sure you capitalize your letters. Again same chapter, "just ---> Just. The same goes for names, Amanda should be written with a capital A not lowercase. Chapter 5- Over capitalizing letters is actually not good in novel writing, if you want to express yelling or screaming you could write something like this... "Will you still stay or get out?" The man said angrily as he increased the volume in his tone. (Something like this works better than capitalizing everything Spaces, don't forget the spaces between speaking dialogue - otherwise it's hard for the readers to see who is speaking. In chapter 9 you forgot to write " " - should be like this--> "Big bro ride this faster?" ** <--- This is unecessary, you don't need this. Something like this works better, ---> "I forgot to tell you that---" Brothers words fell short when a fit of coughs escaped his lips. (I can offer you more advice for this on the forums if you want. Just tag me on your thread) Update: 5/5 Story Development: I find it hard to read but I think I understand the plot line. The pacing is okay, but the lack of detail makes it hard to understand what's going on. Maybe write more about the characters thoughts and emotions. Character Design and World Background: Like I mentioned detail is needed. Character thoughts, perhaps describing their surroundings more too. There's a lot of chapters but far too short, each scene ends abruptly before I fully understand what just happened. Overall: Despite this critical review. The author however does have a plot and idea, with a lot of editing and more writing practice. I believe this story has the potential to get better, if you want any advice or need help. Please just @ me on the forums, I'd be happy to assist. On a side note, the cover is really good. It's certainly going to attract readers.

PsyberRose
PsyberRoseLv12

The novel has potential. Writing Quality: I gave it a 3* because my eyes hurt. The grammar is adequate but Author has problems with typing with Caps lock on or is unable to have proper punctuations when the Caps are not used. If it doesn't bother you, then it's fine but for me, my brain just shuts down a bit when the whole chapter is all in caps or there are no capital letters at all. Also, I find the chapters to be too short. Extremely short. It's like reading one or two paragraphs with no real context before the next chapter. I would advice Author to have about 900 words at least? It would allow you to develop the characters more, and also not frustrate your readers who may be waiting for an update - only to get a paragraph or two without anything new. Stability of Updates: Too soon to tell but I gave it a 5* in good faith. Story Development: 4* - It's getting there. The slow romance is not a problem or how it develops is not a problem. I can't really comment on Character Design or World Background even though I've read until Chapter 38 before doing the review. I normally read about 10 - 20 chapters to get a feel. However, since the chapters here were really short, not much progress or insight to the characters could really be seen even at this point. Still, I gave it a 4* for the potential it has. It is best if you look through your chapters before posting it. Sometimes, re-reading what you wrote can give you more inspiration besides spotting mistakes. All the best, Author.

stella2138
stella2138Author
Derty145
Derty145Lv3
Derty145
Derty145Lv3
Related Stories

The Ghost King’s Wife is Sassy and Beautiful

# 1V1 Yun Ran, mercenary queen of the apocalyptic world unexpectedly transmigrated into the ugly, stupid second lady of the Prime Minister’s mansion with two little adorable three-year-old kids. Adorable baby 1 was a genius poison doctor who had a photographic memory and was “unremarkable”.Adorable baby 2 awakened the ultimate spiritual root that only appeared once every thousand years. When he pounds the ground with his small fist, the ground would shake. As for her, she had a spatial pocket with treasures in it. She contracted an ancient divine beast and refined peerless divine pills!***Just as Yun Ran was gearing up to experience the joy of beating up scumbags…Can someone tell her why these few bigshots suddenly appeared before her?! The top tyrant: “I have a throne that you should inherit when you have the time.” The cold-blooded war god: “I think you have the talent to be a great general. Look at the millions of soldiers I have…” The best royal merchant: “Come, I’ll let you taste the joy of being the richest woman in the world.” Sinister state preceptor: “I’ll stab and curse whoever bullies you.” A certain ghost king traps her in his arms and snorts coldly, “Close the door and release the demons. No one should even think of coveting my treasure.” Yun Ran: “???”***Rumor has it that the ghost king, Mo Beiyuan, has a pair of ghostly eyes. He was born under the destructive lone star, was bad towards women and was the most messed up character in all five countries. Yun Ran not only messed with him, but also wormed her way into his heart.#He was once a demon in the darkness, but he was willing to step out of the abyss of hell for her.#

Peach Three Branches · General
4.8
929 Chs

The Wronged Heiress Reborn For Her Crown

Shen Xi was the daughter the Jiang family had mistakenly taken home. After their real daughter, Jiang Xue, returned, Shen Xi’s foster mother asked Shen Xi to stay, hoping she could help Jiang Xue get used to life in the city as Jiang Xue had been living in the countryside all this while. Alas, everyone claimed that Shen Xi was clinging to the Jiang family because she refused to part with the family’s wealth. Her foster parents didn’t clarify this accusation. Then, Shen Xi’s fiance ended up getting engaged to Jiang Xue instead. One day, Jiang Xue killed someone when she was driving. Shen Xi’s foster parents knelt before Shen Xi, begging her to take the fall for Jiang Xue with tears in their eyes. Shen Xi agreed to their request to repay their kindness for raising her. However, she didn’t know that the person Jiang Xue had killed was her foster father, in other words, Shen Xi’s biological father! While Shen Xi was in prison, Jiang Xue even indirectly killed Shen Xi’s biological mother! In an instant, Shen Xi became an orphan. After experiencing her foster family’s ruthlessness and persecution, Shen Xi exposed the sinful deeds the Jiang family had committed over the years and Jiang Xue’s crimes after being released from prison! Then, she detonated a bomb, sacrificing her life to take revenge for her biological parents. However, after the bomb exploded, Shen Xi was shocked to find herself returning to many years ago when Jiang Xue was first found, and Shen Xi’s identity of not being the Jiang family’s real daughter was about to be exposed. During this time, she was still a rich young lady dressed in expensive clothes as she sat in the Jiang family’s car on the way to her fiance’s birthday banquet. Shen Xi’s lips curled up slightly. A good show was about to begin. She wanted to change her fate and her biological parents’ fates. However, she never expected that both her parents were heirs to a large financial group. Also, the renowned movie star, a young genius doctor, and a domineering CEO were all her biological brothers! She, who wasn’t loved in her past life, was being pampered in this life! Then, the paparazzi caught her on camera, entering a hotel with a rumored bigshot. The crowd gasped. Was this bigshot Shen Xi’s brother as well? The bigshot hugged Shen Xi’s waist and kissed her. “Nope. I’m her lover!”

JQK · General
4.3
1010 Chs

The Ninth Sister is a Prodigious Beast Master

Memories surged like a tide into her head after she was reincarnated, and she found out who she was... A complete pushover. Her name was Beiting Huang, a direct descendant and third-generation descendant of the Beiting Dynasty. Her fearsome reputation stretched across all nations on the continent. She was a girl, but she was disguised as a boy for some reason. Everyone was also after her wrist... to hack it off and take the bracelet she wore, which was actually a high-level spiritual item that concealed her gender. Everyone included her own brothers. Her brothers were fighting and killing each other, tearing the dynasty apart in the process... and she happened to be caught in the crossfire. Mercy? Did the old Beiting Huang not beg before she died? Did they spare her when she did? An emotion that was not hers stirred within her body, and Beiting Huang knew it was the old Beiting Huang's grief. In her mind, she assured her: Don't worry. Since I've reincarnated in your body, I shall avenge you. Your death will not be senseless! After those words, the old Beiting Huang's emotions faded. Now, there was only one Beiting Huang. She was the underworld's king, a mercenary lord who slaughtered and plundered with the world at her feet. Reincarnated into the fearsome Beiting family as its 'useless’ ninth son, the world's riches were once again in her grasp. She cultivated impossible abilities, contracted with magical beasts, and possessed a mystical dimension. She also trampled over gods and demons as and when she liked. Cold and handsome, her very presence was proud and magnificent, causing the world to fight for her affection.

Heavenly Charm · General
4.2
1702 Chs