Writing: 5 It’s not perfect. There are some minor mistakes, bu they’re not glaring, so overall it’s passable. My biggest qualm would be the use of Name: for speeches. It should be formatted as Name said/shouted/cried/etc. with an comma quotation or vice versa. Or have gestures and expressions in between speech to let the reader know who’s speaking. It also heightens the reading experience. Updates: 5 Fine enough for me. Story: 4 It’s a different type of story, more like a crime drama, so kudos for doing something uncommon. However, while ambitious, it lacks execution. Rather than feeling suspenseful, it felt like everything was out into the open. Adding more mystery, such as not revealing MC’s true family background and discovering it in a more dramatic way, would greatly increase the lacking *******. MC also is a little too open and not cautious by immediately telling her connections with Zhao to Samuel. It doesn’t quite feel consistent with what I expected/was lead to expect of her character. Moving onto... Characters: 3 The MC is atypical still, so that’s a good point of differentiation from female leads. But, like mentioned earlier, it’s not quite there/the strong-smart FL isn’t fully accomplished/convincing. Additionally, the other characters lacked substance. It felt like some human, realistic puzzle piece was missing. With Samuel, we got his backstory, but somehow, it didn’t strike me in any sentimental way. It felt like a tell without an actual show. I think a lot of the story and character inconsistencies can benefit from deeper delving into their histories and emotions as well as their motivations and beliefs in life. MC’s killing felt anti-climatic, it came too soon. While she showed some real, human reaction to killing a person, it made me wonder why? Why is the way she wants to deal with all her suffering? Does she wish a quick end to only run from the authorities the rest of her life? How about bringing the whole issue to light? Making him suffer more? I couldn’t figure out her innermost pain and anger turned into believable action. Maybe we’ll see some of this later, but the killing still felt...too sudden. Lastly, she accepts her new identity pretty easily. From how she dealt with it and encountered people, it felt like this dual identity didn’t make much of a difference in the story, like it could easily be revised without it. World: 4 Details and descriptions of world and settings were sufficient for basic imagination of the surroundings and construction, but total comprehension and immersion wasn’t quite accomplished. Questions like the standing of families and their connections with the sovereign law and authorities as well as even the entertainment industry considering the amount of times MC sang. (I also didn’t see the connection of this subplot/talent of hers into the whole crime drama.) Overall: 4.2 A story with great ambition in its desire for something different and substantial but one that did not quite achieve all the expectations set for itself. It has the makings for a fabulous crime romance drama, but it drags and speeds up in places where it should do the opposite to create the underlying psychological and philosophical claims and power which spur the story forth in believability and thrill. Once all the pieces are strung together convincingly and cohesively, this is a winner.
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Thank you so much for an honest and detailed review. Until now I knew I was lacking in grammar but didn't know the other aspects. I've been trying to edit my work to the best of my knowledge, haven't done all of them but a few so far. I'll now try to do it sooner. I'll knock your door again when I'm done if you don't mind. Hope you'll keep guiding me along.
Oh the asteriked word was s.u.s.p.e.n.s.e dumb censoring
Or actually maybe it wasn’t; I don’t remember, but it was something similar XD
Chryiss:Oh the asteriked word was s.u.s.p.e.n.s.e dumb censoring
