Review Detail of Khavos_Rudd in Supreme Magus

Not a complex review, but something I wanted to let the author know. I am hearing rumors that they are feeling down over reception over the story. I just want them to know that should they feel discouraged or wish to drop off this forum, there might be some points to look into. 160k words is actually double what some sci-fi publishing houses consider appropriate for a volume with others like Baen refusing anything less than 120k words. On that score, I would say you are safe. In terms of meeting the requisite content and thematic score, I would say this book matches what sci-fi / fantasy requires. A character-driven story whose major focus bears an evolving personality that can draw the reader. It is also a plot-driven story with elements of a over-arching plot that draws the fantasy reader interested in the wider ramifications of a magic-driven society while not-so-obvious political overtones to the book will prove a draw to the sci-fi reader who is more interested in what kind of society a magic-driven world looks like. I would say the major draw-back to this story is setting; although that is not a major draw-back but more of a gap that could be bridged. True, we are aware of the places in the story but I feel that you could invest more in this aspect. e.g.? The Forest with its denizens. Think Mirkwood. Is it foreboding? Is it a place filled with adventure and opportunity? I read that the setting can be just as important as the characters themselves. Think Hogwarts as a place. Or Diagon Alley to name a few. Aha, think the Two Cities in LOTR. Even if we remove the Harry Potter characters or the Fellowship of the Ring, when we think of some of these places we gain the impression that they have a life of their own. My contention is that the Academy as stands lacks the investment it needs to serve as a true setting for the story. Even with all the time spent there by Lith, the Academy does not really have a life of its own. Sure, there are Warp-steps, the Hospitals...and the rest? The 'Floating' Buildings? [Hey, hope I am not mixing stories here; In my search for inspiration I read a ludicrous amount of literature]. The action scenes are lacking simply because we are not invested in the settings as a 'character' worth being interested in as a facet to the story as a whole. The excursion the class underwent 'only' had one saving grace and that, IMO, was the conflict with the Spiders. Why? Because suddenly, the Forest almost had an element to it that was unique or different enough that it could have a life of its own. Almost. Remember you killed the Spider colony off? From that point, even if the Forest was a training exercise [I hate having to spell-check this word all the time!], with plot armor the reader ceases caring about the place. So yeah, I would say you need to get us invested in setting just as a start on this journey towards publishing. Go back to the basics. How? Start with the Farm...if possible to get excited over cow-manure! It should not simply be a 'starting village' for the story. Things should be happening. Part of why the story was a draw goes beyond your writing style. It was because you fused the plot of the scheming brother, the characters, and the setting of the family on the farm and their struggles. Stretch this bit a bit? The Count and the Healer. These two locations can be powerful settings that can enhance the characters that are the Count and the Lady. Why? You already have these two major characters with definable personalities. What of the importance they hold? You did some of this with the plot points over the worth of Healing to a small community. More impressively, the whole castle assassination-plot was well done. Not really complaining about these, but while you breathed life into the castle, you did not quite let it grow to maturity. I know there is a hall with portraits - and one of Lith himself - but I do not feel they were that memorable. I feel you could invest some more into this setting such that every time characters are in such places, the reader knows that sh*t is going down! There is this book by Ken Follet, "Pillars of the Earth". One of the more memorable settings is the Kingsbridge Priory itself but a little known but remarkable one is the kitchen quarters. I feel like many of the important decisions are made here. Think GoT. In Winterfell, whenever there is a Council meeting in the hall, you know there might be major changes happening. My point is that a setting might be just as powerful a story element as the characterization of characters and their personalities. I feel that as the story stands, the major prop is the characterization and writing style you used. These will take you far and to some extent, because of the nature of a story where the character might live to be thousands of years old, you might shy away from investing too much time on a place. Still, think Baradur! Think Lothlorien. Think the Citadel. These places have lives of their own. Sometimes all it takes is a passing character expressly created to die within moments to cross an interesting place and suddenly you have a character that you do not have to spend time on constantly wracking your brain to come up with ways to enhance them. Instead, you only need to think of the place whenever your characters pass by and a new mystery forged by the current circumstances can be created out of nothing. {I am saving a copy of this note for my future self. Not because I think I am especially brilliant for thinking this but because I did some research on it as well.} Keep holding the torch. Publishing now or 3 years from now is alright so long as you do so,