Just like the rest of her team is over the top in their behaviour, just so is she in her seeming niceness. Character and behaviour go hand-in-hand; her behaving as if Arnold's treatment was unreasonable would mean that her character is such that she would not stand by such behaviour from her team mates. Is this a one-off thing going on here? The MC already said it was normal. The MC knowing her name and that of everyone else means they have worked together before. If the treatment he recieved is the norm, why is she suddenly jumping out and all that? The behaviour is off inn my opinion.
"Frost Spike!" The moment the Undead Knight heard the little Dungeon Dweller voice out her skill, he knew she was done. Quickly, he took a massive step backward even as the atmosphere in the immediate area dropped to freezing point. Smirking as the girl froze in place with a constipated look on her face as she waited for the five seconds for the skill to power up, he casually walked up to her and speared his own lance right into the idiot's heart. Looking up, he nodded to the Summoner looking on in amusement. Link lumbered down to the killing floor and shrugged as the girl's lifeforce slowly withered. When the teacher approached thinking to use her skill, he held her back. "She would have been a bother later on. Best weed out those like her early." Shocked, the teacher took a step backwards in horror at the words entering her ears. "Sigh!" Link was forced to pinch the area between his eyes. "Look...you are a priest. An extremely valuable one. You should just sit in the corner and pop up when I need you, ok?" The author, suddenly caught off-guard by his 3 year old daughter suddenly demonstrating better skils at plot writing than he could, felt his heart skip a beat. A thought skittered across his mind even as the electrical signals sending to the biological pump seemed to skip one beat too many. 'Maybe I could chain her to this desk and have her generate coins for me? Have to deal with the mother though...' As he mused, a sudden cold fell across his nape as he realized that it was not his thoughts he was thiking, but rather that the words looked familiar. too familiar...as if he had just recently read them somewhere. Looking across the room, he noticed the toddler with her suckee gazing adorably at him. Suddenly, the room spinned. As the light slowly drained from his eyes, a sudden thought...one last one, flashed through; does toddler-kun count? The next moment he opened his eyes, theshock was too unbearable and once more, as the electricity sputtered, a thought crossed his mind; "tofu?! Why????"
Not a comprehensive review;I just wanted to show the author some appreciaion for what I thought was an excellent story. Qual: Pretty good. The story flows well enough that I did not notice any errors. Updates: Nothing to complain about since I only just saw this story a few hours ago. Dev`p: Pretty good and out of the norm. Got annoyed at the idea of tourneys but this was almost immediately discarded.The tourney in this instance was actually pretty sensible. The School War itself was somewhat irrational - given there is a Vampire-led autocracy on the outside that would imply the Mages need to unite. Plus, the class divide is such that it is a recipe for trouble later on since the disenfranchised will always seek an outlet if they are ignnored too long. I would harzard that the ruling Mage class of those with bloodlines are far stronger than the Vampires and their human minions since the 2 vampires could not take down a single advanced Mage. Plus, the indications of the existence of truly destruction spells like that 'troublemaker' spell seems to imply that such internal divisions among the Mages makes sense in some way since they are in an unassailable position. Char: Pretty ok. I am not comfy with some of the decisions he has adopted,but this is a difficult one to manage. World: Like story dev`p, this is well advanced. We did not see much of the other world they share but the little we did see makes good sense. The Magic world and rules are well thought out and managed. Cough cough... ot good giving out 5 stars...people get big heads you know...would have applied it to the updates section but that would have been unfair... ok, will review this once more a few weeks down the lines...should have something to nit-pick on if only about the number of new chapters!
True that it takes more; dialogues, plot etc all come into it. What I meant by the comparison is how the magic system ties into the universe. Money, food, language, relationships, politics all must be touched by the magical system. Take Mistborn for instance; he does not break the rules of his world just to have the MC do something remarkable or get out of a bad situation. Why i suggested thinking about publishing was because you were similarly rigid with your magic system and had it play a role in all aspects of the society. This is very important because you allow a reader to become immersed in the fantasy world where everything makes sense.
hehehehe! What you just described about the romane is an upside, not downside! Romance to me should be like what is done in Renegade Immortal; introduce at chapter 1 as driving force for the character. Kill off the girl at end of chapter 1. Keep MC as monogamist as possible. Revive girl at chapter 2000 just as story ends.
Ah! But the irony behind the theme of a guy feeling down at being cheated on while collecting a harem,,,
You should think about getting this thing published with TOR books or something. Ypour magical system is very disciplined; Sanderson level, IMO.
If female I`m out. I am desperate for something to read but not thaaaaaat mulch!