Review Detail of Chryiss in Dream Star

Okay, so read 26 chapters. I typically read about 20 for reviews. The prologue didn’t feel like a prologue, it just felt like an extended beginning to the actual “start” of the story. The vampire theme is intriguing, and I’m a fan of it too, but I felt like this wasn’t fully utilized and could’ve been more integral in the plot. The way it’s currently being used, it feels like it could be taken out without changing the story much in any significant way. The FL is little too weak for me with all the stuttering and timidness. Her indecisiveness about the two MLs don’t bother me. However, I feel like the Kiryu love doesn’t feel... natural. It lacked sufficient background and build up to why she adored him so much. Additionally, I don’t understand why they aren’t together if they still correspond frequently, and they both say they love each other. Regardless of the circumstances, if they love each other so much, it doesn’t make sense that they’re not trying to stay together or find a means to be together. Also, why does Kiryu want her to meet other people. Out of kindness so she can see more of the world because she’s kinda shy and too centered around him? Sorry, but in a believable relationship this doesn’t make sense to push someone away for this reason to only still correspond and say you love her still. Haruta. His backstory to why Lila is so important isn’t clear either. I’m guessing you mean to explain/reveal it bit by bit, but without sufficient starting explanation, the romance and attraction just feels... forced for the sake of the story and unnatural. I am glad, however, that they didn’t jump into bed right away. Those kinds of quickie relationships are distasteful to me. Proper build up to that is preferable. Lastly, the flashbacks and changing of perspective is an interesting way of story narration, but it’s not very inductive to reading. Infrequent shifts is fine, but the story shifted so frequently that sometimes I couldn’t figure out/keep track of whether this was the past or present. Additionally, since this is written in third person, there is no need to switch pov so often. This can easily be written more fluidly in omniscient where individual characters’ thoughts and feelings can be revealed without having to completely shift to their perspective/make the reader view the story completely in their eyes. All this aside, you still have a good ML and second ML syndrome kind of romance story going on. I just pointed out the few things that I felt could’ve been improved, but otherwise, you’re doing really well. The grammar and writing is the blaring with mistakes, and even though I felt like there a few too many characters introduced with their own side romance that I couldn’t see fitting into the main plot well, those are slightly more personal reading preference issues than real errors. Compared to other romances, the pacing and prospect is good. Nice job, and keep at it! 👍