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EvilJawaWizard
EvilJawaWizardLv105yr
2019-02-19 15:11

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Other Reviews
WithJ
WithJLv11

Updates: The update speed seems alright to me. Writing: I think there could be some improvements with respect to the writing style of the author. The author may want to polish up by adding more descriptions to illustrate the character’s trait and appearance rather than just listing adjectives like she is β€œbeautiful, smart, kind, etc”. For example, when describing how β€œhandsome” Wallace is, more descriptions could be added rather than simply saying β€œhe’s beyond the word handsome”. It doesn’t really give readers a concrete picture. Also, consider using one tense past vs present for the story. Characters: I can’t comment much on the characters because there are not enough chapters for me to really see any development as of yet. However, there seems to be a mystery surrounding the FL as she was previously in a coma. Story: I thought the story’s pacing was a little too quick, especially since the chapters were so short. Each scene was barely a few paragraphs and it jumped around quickly. I would suggest slowing down a little more and adding more depth to your writing. World: I believe it’s set in the modern world, so there is not much to comment. Overall, as of this review, there were only about 7 chapters (minus the 3 updates which were just author’s note) so there’s not much I can really comment on with respect to world, character and story design. Although improvements could be made for this story, I can see a potential romance fiction coming out of this. Best of luck to the author!

Haipei
HaipeiLv4
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