Holy heck, this was a chore to read.
First of all, the GRAMMAR. Wow. If I didn't pledge myself to review this, I would have dropped it at the first chapter. The lack of care the author puts in editing this makes my blood boil. I have little problems with the capitalisation, but the distinct lack of punctuation gets on my gears more than I would like to admit. I see emojis sprinkled here and there, so I assume that the author is using their phone to write? Gosh, darling, please, PLEASE do not turn off your spellcheck. It is horrendous to the point where I could barely concentrate on the story.
Yes, I am being harsh.
Second of all, what is that formatting? Sudden wall texts in one minute, then a whole bunch of poorly structured dialogue the next. Are you okay? And most of the things written in those long paragraphs aren't even significant. Could've just kept it short and summarised. Please, make it a habit to write only what you think is absolutely, ABSOLUTELY AND INDISPUTABLY necessary to the plot whenever you see yourself writing a long paragraph.
But, nevertheless, these mistakes can easily be fixed, so do not be discouraged. I see that the author has the willingness to improve, which can be seen throughout the chapters. In fact, the reason why I gave this novel a four-star rating was exactly because of this. Hopefully, the author will improve on their writing. I'd recommend using sites or tools like ProWritingAid or something to help with editing your chapters.
Please, do not think that I hate you. I only wish you the best in writing this story and hope that you'll be able to improve your skills. Do your best and good luck.
