Review Detail of Scarlettbunny in My brother's friend
Review detail
I fell in love with your first chapter. It was is sweet and down to earth that it made you want to keep reading. However after chapter 4 it was not as captivating. I don't know it wasn't the same anymore and a little confusing. I was pretty sure your ML overheard the FL name in a conversation but I could have been wrong. It has a sound foundation and the grammar is good enough to read without filling in the blanks in your head. Suggestion, go back and try to fine tune your chapters, it's never too late and really let your creativity flow. Take your time, life gets in the way of writing but you have the potential to make something great.
My brother's friend
Nzoputa
Liked by 1 people
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I have read chapter 9 again and I still have the same feeling. It's lacking just a little. Your first four chapters you can feel the aura your built around your characters, maybe aura isn't the right word but you can feel the connection from the character to reader and it's wonderful. The last chapter you misspelled some words like a cup of tea you out cup of ten and honestly that's fine. You can still move forward but were it kinda struggles is the emotion. Someone used to abuse and looks to escape reality do they have the inner strength to talk back to the abuser? Do they not just monologue to themselves and shake in fear begging to be given another chance? Or something to make it expand so that the reader can feel it to their core that they are rooting for the ML to come out and hate her mother for the pain she inflicted. There is so much potential in your work I can easily see it turn into a drama with actors playing each role to a 'T'.
Nzoputa:Glad you liked the first chapter, but I'm so sorry you felt that way towards the other chapters, I wonder why as I have never experienced such views. But its ok, I'm just wondering if you would read to the latest chapter. I'm sure if you do, you might change your mind.
Wow thanks for the advice, I never really thought about it that way. Now I now what to work on. I will see to it that the novel will Excel better, thanks again.
Scarlettbunny:I have read chapter 9 again and I still have the same feeling. It's lacking just a little. Your first four chapters you can feel the aura your built around your characters, maybe aura isn't the right word but you can feel the connection from the character to reader and it's wonderful. The last chapter you misspelled some words like a cup of tea you out cup of ten and honestly that's fine. You can still move forward but were it kinda struggles is the emotion. Someone used to abuse and looks to escape reality do they have the inner strength to talk back to the abuser? Do they not just monologue to themselves and shake in fear begging to be given another chance? Or something to make it expand so that the reader can feel it to their core that they are rooting for the ML to come out and hate her mother for the pain she inflicted. There is so much potential in your work I can easily see it turn into a drama with actors playing each role to a 'T'.
Scarlettbunny:I have read chapter 9 again and I still have the same feeling. It's lacking just a little. Your first four chapters you can feel the aura your built around your characters, maybe aura isn't the right word but you can feel the connection from the character to reader and it's wonderful. The last chapter you misspelled some words like a cup of tea you out cup of ten and honestly that's fine. You can still move forward but were it kinda struggles is the emotion. Someone used to abuse and looks to escape reality do they have the inner strength to talk back to the abuser? Do they not just monologue to themselves and shake in fear begging to be given another chance? Or something to make it expand so that the reader can feel it to their core that they are rooting for the ML to come out and hate her mother for the pain she inflicted. There is so much potential in your work I can easily see it turn into a drama with actors playing each role to a 'T'.
A monologue would be a one person speach. Tang An could do one internally, weighing out her options before acting. Like "Christ what did I do to set her off?!" Or "It's ok, just a few more minutes and it will all be over. Don't break down in front of her to give her the satisfaction." Just to give your readers some emotional connection
Nzoputa:Hi just posted a new chapter, was wondering if you'd like to check it out. And tell me what you think about the chapter. Thanks.
Nzoputa:Hi just posted a new chapter, was wondering if you'd like to check it out. And tell me what you think about the chapter. Thanks.