webnovel
acikbacon
acikbaconLv55yr
2018-12-18 04:12

The story is to fast and I don’t really like yerin to much...I hope there isn’t any romance between yerin and ye xiu. I WANT SU MUCHEN.. but still good luck for your story

Liked by 2 people

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Replies2
acikbacon
acikbaconLv5

Su mucheng

SinB
SinBAuthor

Hey, thanks for your review! Sorry if it doesn't suit your taste though, sadly I wish to just write freely and it may not cater to your desires. Thanks for giving my novel a try though!

acikbacon:Su mucheng
Other Reviews
Akitsura
AkitsuraLv13
yaoyueyi
yaoyueyiLv5

Objective review below: Alright, so I can't say I can give a super high rating because the story only has three chapters as of right now and little is revealed yet. So, overall score of 3.8 stars. Writing quality = 5 stars. Considerably good for Webnovel standards, although there are still a few mistakes (mostly capitalization) that could be caught with some ****** proofreading. (e.g. ”most of the silver Equipment were developed by Professional Teams.“ Silver here should be capitalized since you capitalized it before and it's the name of the equipment) Stability of Updates = 5 stars. Seems pretty good so far as well; author, please keep it up! :) Story Development = 3 stars. Little to none is revealed about the plot at the moment. This, again, is because of the lack of chapters, but I am sure that as the story progresses, more will be revealed and this will definitely be changed! I'm excited to see the story head in the direction the synopsis implies. Character Design = 3 stars. Again, because of the lack of chapters, there aren't much revealed about our main character, Ha Yerin. Minor characters (e.g. Big Thigh & others) seem to follow a few common character tropes, but that's okay because he seems to be not that important as of right now. World Background = 3 stars. Seems to be the Earth we know with Korea & China. Would like to know more about the game itself (Glory) but I guess since 1) this is a fanfiction & 2) there are still little chapters, not much is revealed. Overall, I see good potential with this story, and it's readable even if you haven't read The King's Avatar (I haven't)! Tip would be to include a scene that catches the reader in a little more in the first chapters; I was somewhat bored by the fact that she was just walking and logging in or whatnot. Perhaps include a flashback at the very start to where she was the Unparalleled Queen and playing the game? Also feel like less all about gaming and more focus on thoughts/emotions could be good for the first few chapters because it does get a little boring just watching them play. I would save in-detail gaming scenes until later on in the story and keep the first few chapters brief with the gaming description. (though, then again, gaming is not my favorite genre, so that could also be why!) Good read all in all though. :))

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