webnovel
Wakanda42
Wakanda42Lv46yr
2018-11-05 12:25

So I actually really like how you built up this story plot wise. Compared to a lot of fanfics this one is one of the better ones. Now first it’s being limited by the quality of writing. Although it’s not bad enough to stop it from standing out from other fanfics it does hinder this story from being great. Second your doing the same stuff that people hated from the original story where your time skipping almost everything that happens in aincrad but I guess this may be because your not trying to do a full 300+ chapter but still this is hindering your story. Third your character depth and development is incredibly shallow and of this wasn’t a fanfic this would be incredibly hard to read. Finally this is more of a tip than a flaw but I would like to see you add your own story in this fanfic and not make a carbon copy of the Original work. SAO especially the aincrad ark has so many gaps that you can fill without messing up the story. This fanfic lacks imagination which I believe is one of the most important qualities and author should have (even the system is kind of bland). Also although it doesn’t retract from the story the stats and leveling makes no sense whatsoever and I recommend cleaning that up a little bit. You also took away all the sword skills that normal sao players get and never explained why (horizontal, horizontal arc, horizontal square, etc) now that I think of it the MC also doesn’t have any actual sword skills whatsoever. Anyway like I said earlier this fanfic has potential and if you fix it up a little bit I could see it becoming one of the best OC fanfics (anime wise).

Op System

Kid_Speech
4.3
91 Chs

Liked by 23 people

LIKE
Replies2
Kid_Speech
Kid_SpeechAuthor

Thanks for the review im really bad at writting it can't be helped ahaha

5yr
3
Monarch_Lord
Monarch_LordLv3

.........

3yr
Other Reviews
Kid_Speech
Kid_SpeechAuthor

No one is reviewing so i shamelessly review myself Xd my writing quality i know its really bad so many wrong grammar or wrong spelling thats all thank you for the one who read this novel~~~~

6yr

AldiXanana
AldiXananaLv6

an interesting novel the story so far is good, the mc reincarnate to the sao world with an op system and have a beautifull maid and a potential harem member too, hope the author will release more chapter in the future and improve his writing style (*⌒▽⌒*)(*ゝω・*)ノ(*ゝω・*)ノ

6yr
Siegfrized
SiegfrizedLv6

5 star for nice story u have there,, just dont drop it or atlas w/o notice , but ofc hope u can finish/cmplte this novel,,

6yr
Hunter_101
Hunter_101Lv13

Was going to read it but after learning the name of the MC "turtle" kinda lost interest in the story and why the FUCK &#^@* words in novel if it has a FUCKING harem tag If your not mature enough don't bother to write a fucking novel

4yr
MastersgtJames
MastersgtJamesLv10

Just skip. Like the first 43 chapters are ALL in SAO. story feels more like a failed Slice-of-life attempt. The System is basically non-existent for what it does. like, as of chapter 43, there were the same number of skills and stuff as chapter 5. The System is one of those where EVERY mission/quest has a death penalty for failure. As well as impossible/stupid randomly assigned quests. That have barely any progress, then in just like 2-3 chapters they are somehow completed. Story is called OP System. MC does not really feel OP. Just above average and worshipped for it.

5yr
Xining
XiningLv13

Great Story but the plot has not much depth much of the storyline is covered VERY lightly. Would be a bit nicer if you include more fillers that could make us have a reaction to the story like the fillers in Sword Art Online.

5yr
pandabanana
pandabananaLv5

First-chapter-drop, like why the FUCK is a USELESS maid girl in the harem, and why the FUCK is there a harem at all, like the inconsistencies are gay as ****, like is the mc that much of a horny bastard? After all sao still takes place on planet EARTH not a gay wuxia novel.

5yr
Mr_GentalStrangler
Mr_GentalStranglerLv12

Every morning I wake up with a smile anticipating the new chapter. I pray to the gods and hope that it has been released. Only to be disappointed every time. Yet, I do not give up I repeat this proccess every day. And so will you. Just like the one after you. This is an amazing work of art, if not for the fatal flaw of the 'non updating' dieseas this would have made the world burn. But saddly it has stopped for around a month now don't know if it will update since the only thing auther sama messaged people was " not drop" and that is not a time saddly.

5yr
dying_immortal
dying_immortalLv2

hey you evil author ..how dare you leave this fanfic in between!!! i curse you with truck-kun without isekai..... Muahahahahahhaha.....!!!...

2yr
Related Stories

The Marvel Prophet: I Publish Marvel Comics

The Marvel Prophet: Jason Walker awakens in the Marvel universe with a remarkable ability—he can prophesy future events through his drawings. Embracing his newfound gift, Jason reshapes Marvel Comics' narrative, foreseeing key moments such as the discovery of Captain America in the iceberg and Iron Man's daring escapes. His influence extends beyond predictions; heroes like Black Widow surrender to his guidance, and Scarlet Witch reveres him as a mentor. As Jason's reputation grows, he becomes known as the legendary prophet of Marvel, revered by heroes and feared by villains alike. Even the mighty Thanos falls victim to Jason's pen when he draws himself into the comic and delivers a fatal blow to the cosmic tyrant. Amidst cheers and adulation, Jason embraces his role as a pivotal figure in Marvel's history, guiding the Avengers and shaping the destiny of the Marvel universe with each stroke of his pen. He defends his prophetic legacy, ensuring that heroes triumph and villains face their rightful end.

Murasame851 · Others
Not enough ratings
40 Chs

Re:Interdimensional Mercenary

Synopsis; Adam, just a common no body working 9 to 5 jobs and a university dropout was suddenly hit by a truck when hanging out with his old buddy. When he was met by a random bored god, he was given an opportunity, an Isekai Reincarnation. However, the deal turn out to be more than he bargain for and forced to save an intergalactic empire which is fated to crumble in the grimdark future version of Earth as his internship as an agent of an mysterious or perhaps even non-existent Interdimensional Mercenary group. ——— Schedule? > One Chapter every Mon, Wed and Fri. Might have extra release on weekend depending on Power Stone votes but I will inform there's any excess stock chapters. I will keep min 3 advanced chapters in Patreon. If I have less or just 3, there will be no chapter released untill new one are made. World? >Warhammer > FGO Disclaimers; >Cover not mine. I found it on Google. > I own nothing in this fic but my own OC Characters and the ideas. Etc; > Support my fanfic at patreon.com/DaoistKittyKat > Discord Link, https://discord.com/invite/VJ7CSsdWS6

Daoist_KittyKat · Others
4.3
51 Chs

True King of the Pirates

Orion Kartia's life was cut short and he was now forced to transmigrate into the wonderful world of One Piece but thankfully he has a few gifts to help him get started! This is purely fan-fiction. It's just a way for me to practice my English whilst writing something enjoyable. This book is targeted at avid One Piece fans as there is a lot of terminology that can only be understood by people who follow the manga/anime. The release schedule for normal working weeks will be as follows: Mon - 1x Chapters Tues - 1x Chapter Wed - 1x Chapters Thurs - 1x Chapter Fri - 1x Chapters Sat - 2x Chapters Sun - 2x Chapters Any mass releases or dead periods will be announced in advance. Thank you for all the support so far but please don't hold back with the criticism as well... I need it to improve my writing. I welcome all criticism, as long as it's constructive! I'm mainly using this to test the waters and improve my writing, as I'm also working on the story I'm most proud of and looking forward to releasing! I won't be releasing that one for the foreseeable future as I want to have written the majority of the story in advance as the goal is to get paid on the back of it. And there are too many potentially good novels that finish half way through for one reason or another. I don't want my main novel to be one of those!

christa · Others
4.2
140 Chs

Ben 10: Apex Hero

You know the story. Ten-year-old Ben Tennyson, his ten-year-old paternal first-cousin Gwen, and their paternal Grandpa Max start their summer camping trip. Ben goes stomping off into the woods after another fight with Gwen, whom he is not happy to have along on the trip, and is almost crushed when a meteor crash lands, only to discover it’s an alien cargo pod. When he examines it, he finds a mysterious, watch-like device, called the Omnitrix. As Ben reaches inside the pod for it, the device attached permanently to his wrist and gives him the ability to transform into a numerous variety of alien life-forms, each with their own unique powers and abilities. Although Ben realizes that he has a responsibility to help and save others with these new abilities at his disposal, he is not above a little ten-year-old super-powered mischief now and then. Along with Gwen and Max, Ben embarks on an adventure to fight evil, both extraterrestrial and earthly. But what if someone else finds himself in Ben's place? Someone who has a different personality from the original superhero, not afraid of dirtying his hands seeking to satisfy his endless ambition. AU. Harem. +18 just to be safe. *Eventually synopsis might change to less lame one... tags may change as well, depending on the progression of the story. Disclaimer, this is a fan-fic, so credit goes to original authors. And this is a world of fiction. Names, characters, business, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictional manner. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. I don’t claim ownership over the Cover Photo.

Daichi_TBR193 · Others
4.7
16 Chs
Login