Review Detail of BAJJ in Sweet Desire

This story has some potential. I like the idea you narrate the MC's daily struggle and what kind of emvironment she has. I also like that though she had a pure heart i guess, alas her body isn't. BUUUUT, you really need to work on your grammar, dialogues, punctuation marks and the used of proper tenses. Because I really felt lost. It was like everything is all over the place and it was hard to concentrate or immense myself in the story if because it has tooo many errors. I, myself isnt a good writer but as a reader this is what I could say. I hope you could edit or revise the whole chapters before you go on because it'll become a problem in the future.