webnovel
DarthVetar
DarthVetarLv36yr
2018-12-28 05:41

At first I was good for the fights! Character development: Ok The reason for giving 2 star: Harém, are too many members in the harem! Ok Vahn, it's a white paper! Even so, at every meeting with the girls, at least some of them were already members of the harem! It is all good to have presented visions of each one of them. But I do not think this justifies this harem! System: I did not like it! It gives you the feeling that you're restricting MC! Well, not that he is, for he is not! That's all I feel! Action and adventure: At first I was enjoying this, I know the purpose of this is the battle of Vahn's social life! But even so, if you can incorporate more of Action and Adventure into the future, it would be great! Romance: None! At first, it is by the harem that it exists! I wonder ... if it merged [Enkidu], the Emperor's Domain, and Vahn's blood, would it extinguish the Divinity of a God permanently?

Liked by 170 people

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Replies28
Einlion
EinlionAuthor

You're complaining that there is a harem in a novel with the harem tag xD... You're complaining about a system in a novel with the system tag that is based around a system xD... And yeah, I think the novel could have more action, so thats a fair point. There is a great deal of romance, so I'm not sure why you say otherwise. No.

OnePun
OnePunLv6

It's not about harem. No one likes a "MC" that picks up girls like cabage. 🍍 If there are less girls then character background can be improved easily. It will be more like slice of life and romance genre. But if there are tons of girls, the characters will be bland and novel will drop on quality. As for harem tag. The more the the better. That's a no. Take it slowly and don't let them get aquired easily.

Einlion:You're complaining that there is a harem in a novel with the harem tag xD... You're complaining about a system in a novel with the system tag that is based around a system xD... And yeah, I think the novel could have more action, so thats a fair point. There is a great deal of romance, so I'm not sure why you say otherwise. No.
yourname128
yourname128Lv5

Sad no? He did not follow your advice and is always top 3 or 2.

OnePun:It's not about harem. No one likes a "MC" that picks up girls like cabage. 🍍 If there are less girls then character background can be improved easily. It will be more like slice of life and romance genre. But if there are tons of girls, the characters will be bland and novel will drop on quality. As for harem tag. The more the the better. That's a no. Take it slowly and don't let them get aquired easily.
KoFu_
KoFu_Lv6

Too many horny tee.nagers on this site

yourname128:Sad no? He did not follow your advice and is always top 3 or 2.
kiritoto
kiritotoLv12

That is why it's called harem.. why is it called a hare if it's onky one or two.. wew.. harem starts if the MC have many girls. A harem is only good the more it has many girls involve. We might call it a lovestory if we follow you. What is the point of a harem tag. (-_-)

kiritoto
kiritotoLv12

That is why it's called harem.. why is it called a hare if it's onky one or two.. wew.. harem starts if the MC have many girls. A harem is only good the more it has many girls involve. We might call it a lovestory if we follow you. What is the point of a harem tag. (-_-)

Intra_Cetum
Intra_CetumLv1

4 little kids, 1 mom, 2 elf, 1 cat girl, 2 parum, 4 godesses, teacher, familiar, 2 loki characters, asian chick, like 5 released slaves... and that's where I was when I quit. That was like 200-ish chapters in. Yeah, having over 20 characters that early in the story is way overdoing it. Most of these characters completely lack any sort of individuality or charm. So this review saying there are too many characters? Yeah, there's WAY too many fucking characters!

The_Void_Keeper
The_Void_KeeperLv4

You don’t understand the trauma that he’s gone through he doesn’t act like normal people because he’s not my normal, he thirsts for every bit of affection and wants everyone else to feel the joy he feels when he sees them happy. Therefore I request you delete this review.

Wallker
WallkerLv4

Author is a shameless person who deletes bad reviews

IPreferLonerMc
IPreferLonerMcLv5

It’s called a harem because there are multiple girls( 2 or more), dude

kiritoto:That is why it's called harem.. why is it called a hare if it's onky one or two.. wew.. harem starts if the MC have many girls. A harem is only good the more it has many girls involve. We might call it a lovestory if we follow you. What is the point of a harem tag. (-_-)
Anthony1967
Anthony1967Lv4

So far there is like 15 girls...

IPreferLonerMc:It’s called a harem because there are multiple girls( 2 or more), dude
Anthony1967
Anthony1967Lv4

So far there is like 15 girls...

IPreferLonerMc:It’s called a harem because there are multiple girls( 2 or more), dude
Anthony1967
Anthony1967Lv4

Trauma shmama he has 15 girls in his harem! Fitting character or not that's a bit much!

The_Void_Keeper:You don’t understand the trauma that he’s gone through he doesn’t act like normal people because he’s not my normal, he thirsts for every bit of affection and wants everyone else to feel the joy he feels when he sees them happy. Therefore I request you delete this review.
The_Void_Keeper
The_Void_KeeperLv4

Yeah this was from a while ago and now he has like 60 women so yeah you were right

Anthony1967:Trauma shmama he has 15 girls in his harem! Fitting character or not that's a bit much!
Kazuki_Sayato
Kazuki_SayatoLv4

You met a clown lmao

Einlion:You're complaining that there is a harem in a novel with the harem tag xD... You're complaining about a system in a novel with the system tag that is based around a system xD... And yeah, I think the novel could have more action, so thats a fair point. There is a great deal of romance, so I'm not sure why you say otherwise. No.
Sycamore
SycamoreLv3

... doesn't this author delete a ton of the low reviews he gets?

yourname128:Sad no? He did not follow your advice and is always top 3 or 2.
Poporu
PoporuLv10

I wrote a review to summarize the plot of the story to a more meaningful one about how he wants to unite every race and rule it. How he does it? Using his harem members! By expanding his harem members with a bunch of goddesses with powerful familias, he created the most powerful faction in the world. Gaining this power, he gained the confidence to unite the world, but the power he gained isn't without a cost, a terrible problem for our mc arose, he can't handle all the women he caught, so he got frustrated, so stressed out, he bxtch about and just said fxck it. How can our all powerful mc pass through this horrible challenges? The women united to save the mc, using the almighty schedule, for our mc to handle, they reserved one a day in all of the weekday, and a free for all for the end of it. The story progresses and he eventually needed power for himself, so he ask the almight orb of eva: when are you going to activate, you need to teach me magic, all my plans (except adding harem members) is in your hands, but the orb didn't answer, so the mc waited: I need to do something, the orb might need another year to reactivate: so the mc goes on a quest to impregnate more women, and add a few more women(he's a curious dude, so he needs new cats to play with). This is my summary of the plot, the other one's is his greatest quotes of all time. "I think this 'op shxt' is too powerful, I might rely on it too much" so he stops using it a few chapters, then spams it. "My ideal fighting style is by using my body, and not rely on external 'stuffs'" he doesn't want to use weapons. Has a fxcking op weapon. "I already have too much on my plate, I can't even handle the current ones, much more get close to another" he doesn't want to add more women to his harem. Adds 20 more. "I don't want to force our kids to walk on a specific path" has an unborn child expected to become an elf king. "I don't want to get habituated to forging", forge pantsu and body suit for multiple women. "I don't want you to be dependant on me" makes his problem women train to level 3 just so that they can become harem members. "You're beautiful" The greatest pick up line of our mc, works like a charm, gets wamen succ on that big rooster. And the greatest cheat of all. Getting valis through breathing.

Sycamore:... doesn't this author delete a ton of the low reviews he gets?
Einlion
EinlionAuthor

Even if you sound like an asshole, this comment was hilarious xD

Poporu:I wrote a review to summarize the plot of the story to a more meaningful one about how he wants to unite every race and rule it. How he does it? Using his harem members! By expanding his harem members with a bunch of goddesses with powerful familias, he created the most powerful faction in the world. Gaining this power, he gained the confidence to unite the world, but the power he gained isn't without a cost, a terrible problem for our mc arose, he can't handle all the women he caught, so he got frustrated, so stressed out, he bxtch about and just said fxck it. How can our all powerful mc pass through this horrible challenges? The women united to save the mc, using the almighty schedule, for our mc to handle, they reserved one a day in all of the weekday, and a free for all for the end of it. The story progresses and he eventually needed power for himself, so he ask the almight orb of eva: when are you going to activate, you need to teach me magic, all my plans (except adding harem members) is in your hands, but the orb didn't answer, so the mc waited: I need to do something, the orb might need another year to reactivate: so the mc goes on a quest to impregnate more women, and add a few more women(he's a curious dude, so he needs new cats to play with). This is my summary of the plot, the other one's is his greatest quotes of all time. "I think this 'op shxt' is too powerful, I might rely on it too much" so he stops using it a few chapters, then spams it. "My ideal fighting style is by using my body, and not rely on external 'stuffs'" he doesn't want to use weapons. Has a fxcking op weapon. "I already have too much on my plate, I can't even handle the current ones, much more get close to another" he doesn't want to add more women to his harem. Adds 20 more. "I don't want to force our kids to walk on a specific path" has an unborn child expected to become an elf king. "I don't want to get habituated to forging", forge pantsu and body suit for multiple women. "I don't want you to be dependant on me" makes his problem women train to level 3 just so that they can become harem members. "You're beautiful" The greatest pick up line of our mc, works like a charm, gets wamen succ on that big rooster. And the greatest cheat of all. Getting valis through breathing.
Mastarius
MastariusLv2

this is called out of control insatiable

kiritoto:That is why it's called harem.. why is it called a hare if it's onky one or two.. wew.. harem starts if the MC have many girls. A harem is only good the more it has many girls involve. We might call it a lovestory if we follow you. What is the point of a harem tag. (-_-)
hiiamme123
hiiamme123Lv13

They were complaining about the harem not about the story being about a harem or having one. Same thing for the system.

Einlion:You're complaining that there is a harem in a novel with the harem tag xD... You're complaining about a system in a novel with the system tag that is based around a system xD... And yeah, I think the novel could have more action, so thats a fair point. There is a great deal of romance, so I'm not sure why you say otherwise. No.
Other Reviews
Exalted_Felix
Exalted_FelixLv4

Bored_Reader_
Bored_Reader_Lv3

I mostly write this just to help people understand some of the premise and not be disappointed if they are looking for something else. Now, this is not a wish fulfillment story about travelling across various anime worlds and fighting and adventuring. This is a story about the life of a 14 year old who has spent his entire life in captivity, being exploited by others . Literally. He was found to have panacea like blood as a newborn and was kept in a research facility since he was like a month old. He has not been loved or cared for at all and is just used as a blood producer. His common sense comes only from animes and mangas. Now, you have to understand is that what he does and how he acts is entirely different from normal considering he is a broken, ignorant child. He does not process emotion as casually as we do and is basically just a giant bleeding heart because of his past. Because of this he will not act like shounen protagonists or wuxia MCs at all. They are hot blooded idiots who like fighting, want women and are usually extremely ambitious. Vahn is none of those. He is someone who has been given a life and freedom and just wants to experience it. To him, fighting is a nuisance and despite his claims of being a battle junkie, does not like having fights to the death. He does want to explore, but he has no urgent desire to make it his immediate goal. Understand that this is a rather realistic story of Vahn's growth despite the fantasy tag. He mostly just wants to live in peace and love because of the fact he never had it for the first 14 years of his life. He appreciates it. Some of you like to think of him as a generic japanese protagonist but thing is he grew up watching them as well as suffering great injustice so he has an actual reason to be so merciful. If you expect an MC that goes around all excited and battle hungry or has some vague reason to become the strongest, this is not it. Also, I'll just adress another issue that is going to come up as you progress. He has a huge harem. As in over a dozen girls after the first 100 chapters or so. And the reason for this is because he is a capable male that is highly empathetic and thus becomes attractive to most women who live in a rather shitty world. Also, since he himself has no resistance to others, he accepts basically everyone. He craves love and if someone gives it he'll take her. So yeah, it can become rather unbearable to watch him forsake higher power just to mess around with the harem members and basically start a slice of life but if he doesn't do this, it would be highly unrealistic. This is not a one dimensional novel about fighting progressively stronger enemies and becoming the greatest of them all for no particular reason and neither is it for exploring universes and collecting women. It's about a shattered person trying to enjoy life and fulfill his desires. He wants to explore but won't just leave his family behind for it. He wants to become strong but won't neglect his reason for becoming strong for it. I hope you found this useful.

ThomasDarkrose
ThomasDarkroseLv12

Writing Quality: 5/5 - While there are occasional typos, ****y tiny grammatical errors or punctuation errors, they do not detract from the story in any way. The writing is excellent and just draws you in. Stability of Updates: 5/5 - The author pumps out chapters like a madman all in order to feed the addicted souls he has created. 'Nuff said. Story Development: 5/5 - The story starts with a nieve and broken main character, Vahn, and through interactions with the world and the characters in it, he grows. Vahn still has a lot of growing to do and I, personally, look forward to seeing the man that Vahn will grow into. Character Design: 4/5 - I would love to give the author 5/5 stars just for the design of Vahn, but I prefer to be honest and forthright. Because this is a fan-fiction many of the main characters were already designed by the original author of DanMachi. That said, Einlion takes those pre-existing characters and completely makes them his own without violating the source material. While reading this story you will be hard pressed to find any reason to complain about the use of the pre-existing characters, their reactions, or their believability. World Background: 4/5 - Again, I would love to make this 5/5 stars, but the story takes place in a pre-existing world. Just like the characters though, the world is not violated or discarded it is embraced and honored. Fan-fictions are a tough genre to write in, you have to take a world and characters that already exist, and are loved, then make them your own while writing your own story. Einlion does this exceptionally well and is crafting an amazing story that follows a unique and amazing character. The only thing I could possibly complain about is that I found this novel now instead of a year from now, I can't binge read it nearly enough. On a final note, if you are a fan of DanMachi, or anime in general, and looking for a story with a unique and entertaining main character than I strongly recommend reading this story.

TFH
TFHLv6

Dude.... You are writting an amazing world here... the quality of the writting is excellent and i dont believe i have found any mistake, the character development is marvelous dude... each individual character is seen as a person with alll their characteristics. About the development of the story, while i find that its somewhat... well, really fast paced i would like it to slow down. Its like you want to climb a mountain but you dont go by foot but by helicopter. So far the MC is soul tier 2 and tier 9 is the highest known currently since the path is an artifact lvl 9, if mc goes to soul tier 3 to fast it will make things feel rushed. Now speaking of danmachi, to be honest i would find it a waste should the MC leave, currently danmachi is cataloged as 1-4.... But a way exist to make it 1-5 and so on i believe. So it would be awesome if the world can level up too, and there exist the posiblity of even mixing up worlds with portals so as to make that MC could come and go between worlds. Even the MC could get a portal skill to come back to Hephaestus and the others. IT would be awesome if you can make it with the help of MC that people can go beyond lvl 7, which is ottar from the freya family and reach lvl 8 or higher. I say it again, it would be a huge waste and terrible mistake in my opinion to leave behind danmachi should the mc go to another world. This is beacause danmachi universe didnt existed before the mc went inside, the path i believe created that world, gods and all. So its fine to think that the path has the ability to make universes that are weaker than it, who says you cant make other universes and mix them up? Even more you can put it that inside the laberith is a portal to another world too, and to make things easier it was found a portal in floor 60 for example that can send you back to the surface or from the surface to floor 60 if you have reached it.

MoonLord
MoonLordLv14

This story is one of my most favorites that I have ever read, from Royalroad to Webnovel, I've been reading stories for years. I've loved how this story showed me the gradual change in the MC, how his hard work made him grow stronger physically and mentally, however unfortunately, the story ended up following the usual harem template... I'm not saying that harem stories are bad, in fact I love a lot of stories like that, however when every character introduced is a romantic interest.. no, more like a sure fact that the character is immediately gonna join his harem... Because for some unknown reasons they immediately fall in love with him and act the same way as every girl that has feelings for him, relationships between the MC and the female characters are either Harem member, possible and future harem member and non-harem member, not a single friendly relation. The story quickly became bland. Also there's no friendship between the MC and any other Male character, in fact there's not a single interesting guy that the MC can befriend. The weird fact is how the female characters always end up falling in love with the MC in a matter of days, there's no developing and gradual romance in this story with the exception of veeerrrryyy few... I like some of the girls because of their personalities and gradual development, however for most of them, they just pop out like popcorns and the MC ACCEPTS every single girl that says "I Love You" as if they've had enough interactions to fall in love... and he can never say no. I love this story, this is why I'm frustrated with how it is developing. .. though I'll keep reading hoping that it'll get better, I'm just sad it developed that way.

AnActualLivingPoet
AnActualLivingPoetLv4

The story started out quite well, it was interesting, it had action, but it turned to sh*t at the 200 or so chapter mark. I mean don't get me wrong, your writing quality and updates are still awesome, but the way you introduced the heroine's from Danmachi was in a word slutty. They became generic Dating Sim gals on easy mode. They easily- no brainlessly fell for a pathetic guy who can "Emphatize" with them. In 3 mere months nonetheless. (F*ck! I can do that, hold my beer) I won't go into anymore details about this as I've already read a few reviews that were more specific about this topic. As for Vahn, I just plainly don't like him. You have great skills author, but Vahn is ****. He's just a cheap knock off of Bell. Without his plot armor "The path" he can't even compare. He's just a sad child that didn't know how to belong in the world, but somehow became a great socialite that could get every heroine(although braindead) to bed with only a few interactions. Give an autistic person a chance to reincarnate as a normal one, then give him "The Path", a handsome face and a large dick. I guarantee he'll do a better job than this faggot. Anyways, Writing quality - 5 Stability in updates - 5 Story Development - 1 (because 7/10 chapters are more on Vahn's daily life flirting with who knows how many girls especially in the early chapters) Character Design - 1 (You designed Vahn enough said) World Background - 1 (Danmachi is a great world don't get me wrong, but it's nothing new. I already read about it in the original don't want to read the same thing here) Overall : 2.6 Little advice bro, criticism isn't bad, you can learn and grow from them. But if you insist that everyone is wrong and you are right then you'll never be number 1.

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AnimefanfictionInd · Anime & Comics
4.9
65 Chs