webnovel
NiawKing22
NiawKing22Lv56yr
2018-09-23 18:43

Wow! I liked it alot! The characters feel *real*. Looking forward to reading more, and would recommend anyone who likes military, sci-fi or futuristic worlds to pick it up. Their lives feel full and kind of remind me of watching a movie - but one that I can't quite place. The pacing is gradual, fleshing out the history and surrounding world - can't wait for more! Only problem is... only 4 chapters? And it stops just when it's getting exciting :(

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ImBloo
ImBlooAuthor

Thanks for the review :). The atmosphere is inspired a lot by sci-fi movies with "used future" aesthetics, like The Fifth Elements. The action will be low-key and subdued at first, as I'm still getting used to writing. And it suits the personality of the MC as a family man, who will have the tendency to play it safe. Hope you'll stick around. Things will get exciting soon!

Other Reviews
yvxii
yvxiiLv3

Writing Quality: 4/5 Your chapters are well-written, I really enjoyed reading through them due to the detailed descriptions. Your vocabulary is also quite good. I'm reading on my PC so some of the paragraph lengths don't bother me as much. However, you could consider separating a few of your paragraphs (mainly information about the world, an object, or a place) to make them shorter. That way, mobile readers won't be faced with text walls. In regard to grammar and mechanics, I'd recommend editing through your chapters once you've written them. There are one or two spelling mistakes which can be easily corrected. Stability of Updates: 5/5 I'm not sure about your schedule for updates, but it's pretty consistent right now. Story Development: 4/5 The development of your novel so far is good. You have introduced the protagonist (as well as his background and relationships), then depicted the direction of the novel. You have also hinted at a subplot/complication in the second chapter which may be important in the future, which increases the urge to continue reading. I like the action in the latest chapters, but I'd suggest adding more sensory detail to enhance your writing. Character Design: 4/5 Your characters are designed really well. I like how you have weaved in little details that enrich the personalities of your characters. (E.g: Riley making sure to pick the burnt pancakes for himself.) This creates depth in your characters, and also demonstrates the relationship and bond between the siblings ^ - ^ The banter between the brother and sister pair is also very realistic. In regard to other characters, I like how you have incorporated Riley's thoughts about them in your descriptions. Rather than blandly listing their characteristics, you have presented them in a more fluid and natural manner. World Background: 4/5 I like your execution of worldbuilding ^ - ^. I generally don't read cyberpunk novels, however, you have written it in a way that's ****** and clear to understand. I've mentioned this before above, but I enjoy how you've connected information regarding the world with Riley's thoughts and comments in your writing. This way, it's more interesting and seems more authentic. I enjoyed reading this, good luck with future chapters ~

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GoldenStache · Sci-fi
4.6
506 Chs