Review Detail of JD_Zavrat in No System? No Problem! (Rebellion Against the Heavenly Fate)

You obviously have a strong sense of grammar and sentence structure. The first chapter reads like a really smart person narrating, while being as verbose as possible. I will keep in on my list, because I can see that you have quite a bit of talent. There is a fine balance between being creative with the story and being creative with the description of every detail of the setting.