webnovel
Scarlettbunny
ScarlettbunnyLv116yr
2018-09-06 08:21

Honestly the grammar in the story is just awful. Read it out loud to yourself before you post and see the difference from your head to ears once you get the hang of it, I can see your novel just shot to the stars and moon. Despite the grammar, it is a very captivating story, makes you want more chapters now. Just please work on the grammar first!

Liked by 1 people

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Replies3
existing
existingAuthor

Thank you!! I'll work hard on the grammar 😫😫 haha I didn't know it was really bad. I'll make time to ediiiiit. Thanks for the review!!

Scarlettbunny
ScarlettbunnyLv11

That's awesome. Take your time and really watch what your typing. I'm adding this to my library I think it will turn into something great!

existing
existingAuthor

Thank you! I'm so happy about your impression!

Scarlettbunny:That's awesome. Take your time and really watch what your typing. I'm adding this to my library I think it will turn into something great!
Other Reviews
Book_Keeper
Book_KeeperLv4

Hello, your novel has been assessed and review by Virtual Bookshelf. A review excerpt is as follows: Characters: Amias - No real backstory or much of a clear or compelling reason to help Luciana. Personality isn’t very defined or unique. In other words, he doesn’t stand out/isn’t memorable. Luciana - She’s a little bit lackluster. In part, that IS her personality-stoic and introverted. But even the “quiet” ones have underlying, strong feelings, thoughts, fears, and motivations. She needs a little more depth and backstory so readers can better grasp her personality and uniqueness compared to any other stoic characters of other stories. Finally in chapter 11, we see a little into her inner struggle. “Truthfully, she's finding it hard to spar with another kid. Half of her mind keeps on telling her to kill him. …. how hard it was for her to keep her hands from dealing a killing blow.” Theon - Seems like the antagonist or is part of those “against” Luciana and her escape. Torin - A kindly man who takes an orphan in. Not much to say. He has a backstory on his family, but it doesn’t seem of much significance to plot except establishing a somewhat tragic backstory. Marcus, his friend, again, nothing to say. Oleander - “Torin explained to him about Luciana's past, and he now understand her introverted personality. Now, he no longer care even if most of the time, she ignored him. Torin also said, if he showed her kindness and stayed with her longer, they could be good friends in the future.” Poor boy; Torin has to explain to him about Luciana. Yet another kind person to help and try to understand her. .........(cont.) The full review is linked to your title on: https://virtualbookshelf.home.blog/2019/02/02/webnovel-assessments-10/ After three chapters, you may request to be assessed again. Thank you, and the best of luck on your writing endeavors! :)

wizzynnorom
wizzynnoromLv5
yvxii
yvxiiLv3

Writing Quality: 3.5/5 Your chapters are well-written in the sense that there is vivid description which enhances your story. The structure of your chapters are good too, the paragraphs are separated decently. The only thing that's preventing me from fully enjoying your novel in regard to this aspect is the grammar and mechanics. There are a few abrupt changes in tense, and incorrect use of commas. You can easily fix this though, and it will improve the flow of the chapters. Stability of Updates: 5/5 The releases of your chapters are pretty consistent, keep it up ^ - ^ Story Development: 4/5 I like the development of your novel so far. You have introduced the background and situation of the protagonist, and brought your readers along with Luciana on her journey to become stronger. You haven't dragged out the introduction and instead written each event succinctly, which is a plus. I'm interested in reading how the story will progress ~ Character Design: 4/5 From the beginning of the first chapter, you have clearly presented the personalities of your characters. I like how you have described their physical features and also hinted at their personal motivations and backgrounds. You have utilised dialogue well, the nature of these characters are reflected in their conversations and interactions with one another. World Background: 4/5 One thing I really like about how you have executed your worldbuilding is the way you presented it. Readers can gain an understanding of the world not only through the description of the physical elements but also via the interactions and mannerisms of the characters. On the other hand, I recommend that you also add more sensory detail (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) in your writing. This way, your readers can immerse themselves deeper into the world you have created.

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