Review Detail of choros in Bleach System Within Bleach

After reading up to chapter 40 this is what I think you should fix. First of all, you should really start to take grammar more seriously as it distracts viewers from the story. Second, please think more on the dialogue and not just make things up on the fly. I've watched Bleach before and the way you present these characters through dialogue just doesn't match up to the way you present them. I guess you could use the MC to influence them into becoming the character you portray, but it would have to be a gradual process and not just a instantaneous event..I almost forgot, Please for the love of god stop the swearing in every other conversation. It's fine if you do it to add emphasis, but you can't just keep using cuss words so frequently cause, again, it doesn't fit in with the Bleach world. And finally, please don't make this into a harem and take a step back. When I read how ICHIGO just grabbed INOUE's ass, I internally cringed cause it just came out of nowhere. But just from...interaction, I can tell that you're probably gonna do the,"Protagonist sees pretty girl and then go f**ks her in the next chapter" trope. I know you know something about how an actual relationship works, or at least how it's suppose to work so please don't just ignore common sense and/or common decency while writing about relationships. I am fully aware that at the end of the day you are the author, I am a random viewer, and anything can be whatever you want it to be when you write your story. I just always liked the concept of fanfictions, because it explores so many alternatives to original story. I have seen so many good fanfictions that just blew me away cause it went in a direction that I never even thought of; some even blew me away cause even though it went in a predictable direction it just did it beautifully. I never write reviews and I understand that this is a long rant but for some reason I find myself caring about your improvement...Oh and please stop capitalizing the characters' names; just capitalizing the first letter is enough.