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hawlol
hawlolLv46yr
2018-09-06 11:45

Terrible, terrible pacing. Although well written nothing really happens. There's too much exposition and too little story. I could last only until chap. 70 before dropping. By then, the MC is still a 10 year old kid that doesn't really do anything. There's a lot of world building and characters interaction, but they're boring and mundane. Simple things that could be described in 3 paragraphs are stretched to 3 whole chapters. The author seems to have wanted to make a harry potter meets douluo dalu but couldn't pull it of.

Liked by 15 people

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Replies9
Daijo
DaijoLv5

Sure more for me

Daijo
DaijoLv5

Sure more for me

Nostre38
Nostre38Lv12

Nowadays novel are too fast paced. You re just used to boring novel without depths. You need to appreciate the craft of writing and not consume them like junk food.

hawlol
hawlolLv4

Well, let's put this novel in the perspective of your analogy then. When you want a burger you buy it at a restaurant or fast food like you said. Or you can buy the ingredients at a local grocery store and make a homemade burguer that takes a little more effort but might have an unique taste. Or, like this novel does, you can buy the calf, wait several years for it to grow into a cow, plant all the spices by yourself, plant the wheat and make the bread, raise a piglet for the bacon, so on and so forth, only to have your burger several years later. Pacing is balance, not too fast, not too slow. Too fast will turn the story shallow, too low, a boring drag.

Nostre38:Nowadays novel are too fast paced. You re just used to boring novel without depths. You need to appreciate the craft of writing and not consume them like junk food.
Nostre38
Nostre38Lv12

It's not too slow though. Did you read some classic litterature ? That is slow. But even that, doesn't mean it's boring.

hawlol:Well, let's put this novel in the perspective of your analogy then. When you want a burger you buy it at a restaurant or fast food like you said. Or you can buy the ingredients at a local grocery store and make a homemade burguer that takes a little more effort but might have an unique taste. Or, like this novel does, you can buy the calf, wait several years for it to grow into a cow, plant all the spices by yourself, plant the wheat and make the bread, raise a piglet for the bacon, so on and so forth, only to have your burger several years later. Pacing is balance, not too fast, not too slow. Too fast will turn the story shallow, too low, a boring drag.
EliteCreature
EliteCreatureLv4

Because 10 year olds do things... ... ... ... ... ... ...

ThrustThunder
ThrustThunderLv6

Well put. The argument: "How did you develop the habit of consuming media too quickly?" is a strangely unobservant attitude to have considering We're on a platform specifically designed to provide oneself with more literature then any person could ever conceivably read... If I wanted short and to the point, I'd watch p*rn. If I wanted to waste large quantities of time on little result, I'd go plant flowers. For my reading pleasure I prefer a story that has both quality AND quantity when it come to prose and pacing, and it's okay to point out if an Author is lacking in that balance and move on to another offering. Thanks to reviews like this I know that this Novel isn't right for me and I thank the reviewer for taking a moment out of his limited time on this Earth to point me in another direction.

hawlol:Well, let's put this novel in the perspective of your analogy then. When you want a burger you buy it at a restaurant or fast food like you said. Or you can buy the ingredients at a local grocery store and make a homemade burguer that takes a little more effort but might have an unique taste. Or, like this novel does, you can buy the calf, wait several years for it to grow into a cow, plant all the spices by yourself, plant the wheat and make the bread, raise a piglet for the bacon, so on and so forth, only to have your burger several years later. Pacing is balance, not too fast, not too slow. Too fast will turn the story shallow, too low, a boring drag.
Jyfguy6rft6tftu
Jyfguy6rft6tftuLv4

dude this like 2 years ago

ThrustThunder:Well put. The argument: "How did you develop the habit of consuming media too quickly?" is a strangely unobservant attitude to have considering We're on a platform specifically designed to provide oneself with more literature then any person could ever conceivably read... If I wanted short and to the point, I'd watch p*rn. If I wanted to waste large quantities of time on little result, I'd go plant flowers. For my reading pleasure I prefer a story that has both quality AND quantity when it come to prose and pacing, and it's okay to point out if an Author is lacking in that balance and move on to another offering. Thanks to reviews like this I know that this Novel isn't right for me and I thank the reviewer for taking a moment out of his limited time on this Earth to point me in another direction.
SageYash
SageYashLv4

compare*

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Other Reviews
TalenX
TalenXLv15

This is probably one of the harder reviews I've written. To give away the ending, Spirit Immortal comes in the the low B/high C range for me, but I'm pretty brutal with my reviews so that's actually a pretty high score for me. The difficulty comes in that the way I would score the later chapters are vastly different from how I would rate the early chapters. If I was to break it down by volumes the first two volumes score in the D range, volumes three and four are B's while volumes five and six both rate a solid A. Spirit Immortal is honestly a fairly sweeping tale set with a cultivation backdrop. I phrase it like that specifically because even though the MC is always working towards a higher cultivation, it isn't the cultivation as his goal it is instead a tool he uses to measure himself by. The main flaw is that Spirit Immortal is a Character Driven novel where the main character doesn't start with a clear goal. He goes as far to describe himself as a leaf carried by whichever way the water flows. This isn't bad but it's much harder to write in the early chapters then if you were writing a Story Driven novel, where the plot moves along because of an external factor, i.e. an enemy army is coming or you have to defeat the demon king. The comments on the early chapters highlight this indirectly, where people attack the author for useless details and pointless arcs. Reading through the whole story, these comments aren't true as you encounter a similar amount of details and varied arcs in other novels, but it's how the readers perceive the story since they are reading it 'in the moment'. What it actually is is a problem in pacing and *******. Since the motivation comes from the character but the character is still discovering the world around them it's hard to generate the appropriate feeling of ******* in order to carry the story. The way you mitigate this is with foreshadowing and switching character viewpoints in order to portray what's happening external to the MC that will move the story forward and create a sense of crisis. The ******st way for me to phrase is it that it's ok if your main character is aimless and doesn't seem to know where he's going, but you can't let your story seem that way. However this problem disappears to a large degree by the beginning of volume three, the momentum which the story has built starts to sweep up the reader. However this also means you have to read a hundred chapters in to get to juicy parts of the story, which makes it a hard novel for me to recommend. There are a lot of absolutely brilliant characters in this story, but you have to take your time to get to know them and the world they build around themselves. Since the author has stated that he isn't interested in participating in the premium program on Webnovel I'm actually going against the advice I've given to every other author here: Don't go back and rewrite your story, it *always* turns out *bad*. In this case I would actually encourage the author to hire either a Developmental Editor or a Story Coach to help revise the story and then publish it electronically himself. Alternatively just treat it as your 'first million words' and keep going.

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