webnovel
anotherfan
anotherfanLv46yr
2018-05-27 03:51

Well I write as well as you do and I'm just going to advise you a little bit so that you could write your story better. I don't mean to offend you or anything like that all I want is for you to improve on it since we are writing the same genre fan-fiction. 1. it is true the time line is pretty bad since in the third ninja war the only present power house of hidden leaf was minato, and the other jonins of konoha like the head of family clans or jonins from their clans. orochimaru was defending against the village hidden in the mist later on was caught to be performing illegal experiments just right after the war. Jiraiya was training the orphan kids remember yahiko, nagato, and konan... the guy with the rinnegan those were jiraiya's disciple. tsunade was having a bad time since her little brother and lover died giving her phobia to blood so she was out I think this happened in the second shinobi war I'm not sure remember that the sannin when they first appeared in naruto time line was already in their fifties. Minato actually won the third war single handedly almost since he made everyone retreat because everywhere he went in that war means victory for hidden leaf his body flicker was so fast he could people in a matter of secs plus with the flying thunder god he was just the fast ninja ever even raikage can't catch him. So naruto can't be born in that era since minato wasn't hokage yet at that time minato was presumably in his teenage years as well base on the anime. you have to research brother since people who reads fanfic loves accuracy you'd have trouble with your readers I did as well. 2. I think you have consider the characters and their personality plus you'd have to think through how they are going to react since they are supposed to be people with emotion and reacting base on that or their personality for example like I said hiruzen is very calculative person since he is a hokage he has to consider every decision he makes for the good of the village if he encounters a young genius asking to go out of the village for adventure he probably wouldn't allow that person to go alone or worst not go at all since he has to develop first before letting him go or else all that talent would go to waste if he dies prematurely. 3. the system is really cool and all brother I get it but I think what you have to show are just the main stat of mc and his ninjutsu... the buying part you don't have to show the other stuff just gave us some vague idea like a few techniques or what not list everything you can and just show how much the mc spend on it. The idea is great brother but you have to work on a few things then everything would be ok. I hope I helped you in anyway and good luck I'll work on mine as well :)

Liked by 28 people

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Replies5
Fugaku
FugakuAuthor

Thanks for the advice.

booooooooooooooooe
booooooooooooooooeLv2

anotherfan i really like your fanfic

Axcart
AxcartLv6

I like seeing how people do these naruto fanfics since the ML us so op, like besides some broken hacks, the only realistic way for a mc to be useful to the time line is for them to be born wya befor naruto and they will still need some form of hax to be op.

Devilgodking
DevilgodkingLv6

Where is cover for your novel

Fugaku:Thanks for the advice.
Fostr
FostrLv14

Nice review bro, I hope this novel have a good story ʕ≧ω≦ʔฅ

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