webnovel
DaoOfTheLonely
DaoOfTheLonelyLv56yr
2018-10-28 21:37

I tried reading a few chapters, but just couldn’t shake the feeling that this was written by a child. Quite a few problems in grammar, but more than that is how unnatural the characters act. Author, I guess you have some ok ideas, but wait until you hit puberty before trying to write.

Liked by 2 people

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Replies2
Big_Yellow
Big_YellowAuthor

Thanks for your opinion and sorry for your bad experience. Yeah the first few chapters is indeed bad, i will try to edit it when i have time. Thanks for the critic! Have a nice day!

Chaotic_Winter
Chaotic_WinterLv13

When will you be back?

Big_Yellow:Thanks for your opinion and sorry for your bad experience. Yeah the first few chapters is indeed bad, i will try to edit it when i have time. Thanks for the critic! Have a nice day!
Other Reviews
Daoist_Paradox
Daoist_ParadoxLv4

Not reading the complete novel yet still reviewing it makes this review less authentic, however let me share my thoughts on it. *** 01. The Plot Mix-Up. The plot of the novel seems good and properly aligned to how a web novel should be. However, the author just dumped a whole lot of plot at the beginning. The start should've been slow with the MC exploring the world and raising his strength in the tutorial village. But suddenly his 'first wife' who's a succubus comes and unfolds the readers some damn big plot, which is a given. However it broke the link to the ongoing plot and made me feel that what's going on right now is a waste of time. In short, it just killed the tension a reader has for the Protagonist. The tension here was the question of how the MC is going to increase his strength and status, how would he survive in the new world. Also, after breaking the beginner plot with the huge plot, the beginner plot continues again which I found very weird. For me the plot just didn't flow naturally. 02. The Humiliated Protagonist. Okay, this point might create an argument since there are different types of readers. Some are casual, some are invested in the story but still independent, while others are immersive readers. I am the third kind, an immersive reader. For this reason I don't like if the MC is humiliated or acts like a loser. Since I'm reading a web novel, I'm here for the MC getting high in his life, getting all the wealth, women, power and status. However the beginning was a little disappointing for me. Yes, it's incorrect to criticize just for this since the plot would develop, however the starting chapters unfortunately didn't catch my interest. 03. Dumb MC Are dumb MC's bad? Of course not. If the story needs it, a dumb MC can enrich the plot. However, for a moment just imagine. You're suddenly transmigrated into another world. You don't know anything about it, except that you perhaps might be a Protagonist material according to the web novels you've read. You don't know anybody, and you don't know the intentions of the people around you. You don't know the world's history or culture, but you know that there are similar people like him that have come from other worlds. You don't have money or anything, and you didn't even have any clothes when you arrived. So would you make some bet to date a girl, or would you try your best to make yourself safe? Yes, the MC later acquires god-like powers and perhaps nobody would be able to harm him, but what I'm talking here was his attitude. Unfortunately I was here for some scheming and strategies and stuff like that, but the story beginning was a little different. *** In the end, this story is not for me, but it might be for you.

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