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Tifala
TifalaLv11yr
2023-07-25 00:44

What stands out is the good description of thoughts and some scenes that are easy to read. But the dialogue does not directly reflect in the dialogue itself who speaks and with what intonation. And when more than 2 characters are involved. There is confusion. There is very little information about the world for chapter 21, nothing is really known, except that they are located on one of the continents. The story of the protagonist's brother is also not fully disclosed. The werewolf, as I understand it, is still a puppy, and later we learn that he is a representative of a dangerous clan. I hope the author will tell about everything in more detail.

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ricebucket0_0
ricebucket0_0Author

Thank you for the detailed review! What do you think about the pace? Is there anything I need to change to make it better? I do think that things started to go awry since ch 17

Tifala
TifalaLv1

From chapters 8-9 you started having problems, wolves, like dogs, are able to distinguish smells even as a puppy. Here one could describe that he catches a similar smell and attacks from fear. As described in the following chapters, he is no more than 3 months old. The brother's arrival is a welcome twist, but what has the reader learned about him? Except he's a witch hunter. Where did his assistant go? As for magic and its differences, spiritual magic and blood magic. Maybe better instead of spiritual magic. Magical decomposition and it is understandable why it is condemned. You can demonstrate some of the information through a memory or future plans for the characters. As for the speed of leaving the village, it was possible to linger here so that the guy and the rest of the heroes were better represented. Here, by the way, you can add humor. There are many possibilities.

ricebucket0_0:Thank you for the detailed review! What do you think about the pace? Is there anything I need to change to make it better? I do think that things started to go awry since ch 17
ricebucket0_0
ricebucket0_0Author

ok, thank you so much for the input 🙏 I do wonder from where you got the idea that the wolf is 3 months old? He is only a puppy by his size

Tifala
TifalaLv1

According to the description of his behavior, in dogs and wolves, teeth change from milk to molars; they gnaw everything due to the fact that the gum becomes inflamed and the teeth climb first milk completely then molars at 5-6 months.

ricebucket0_0:ok, thank you so much for the input 🙏 I do wonder from where you got the idea that the wolf is 3 months old? He is only a puppy by his size
ricebucket0_0
ricebucket0_0Author

Oh I see

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