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de leitura
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I've been a long-time fan of this story, and I can't wait to see where the plot leads. However, I do have some critiques. The main issue I noticed was in the jail scene where the MC confronted Loki and the Enchantress. There seemed to be a disconnect between the dialogue and the emotions it elicited in the characters. For instance, in one moment, the MC is threatening to kill or maim Loki in front of everyone, and the next, despite the explicitly stated negative reactions of the observers, the scene abruptly shifts to everyone laughing. While this might be intended as shock humor, it didn’t land well. At times, it felt as though the MC was speaking, but no one other than Loki reacted, as if the rest of the characters were disengaged from the scene. The same issue applied to the Enchantress. Additionally, you might want to revisit how the MC speaks to others. In this scene, the MC was initially using a formal and imposing tone, fitting for a serious moment. However, it suddenly shifted when he said, 'You probably will sulk and think something like "No one understands me" like an edgy teen, but whatever. I only wasted my words on you because of your family.' The abrupt change in tone felt out of character and more childish than expected from an adult. Then, the demeanor shifted again to a different persona: 'Now these words come from me,' directed at the Eidolon who deals with criminals. While the argument itself might have been valid, the delivery felt inconsistent, making it harder to take the character seriously in such a pivotal moment
That you for replying, I understand now
The fight was captivating, and I really enjoyed the personalities of the Bartholomews. The little princess kink also had me laughing. However, I do have a few minor critiques. First, why is most of his combat magic ice-related? Did I miss some information about his specialization? Second, why does his magic feel so constrictive? Was that intentional because he's a novice? If not, it could be interesting to explore more grotesque and creative spells such as freezing enemies from the inside, creating ice sculptures within their bodies, or even drawing the heat out of his enemies, causing their muscles to seize up. That aside, I am liking the story very much. Thank you
This feels somewhat weak. I can tell that you needed an event like this to justify starting more targeted training, and to some extent, the master of contracts angle was clever. However, when you rely on one lucky coincidence after another, you end up with a foundation built on paper. Additionally, I'm not a fan of the cliché where characters reveal everything to a mysterious, powerful figure, like in many stories such as Marvel with the Ancient One or Percy Jackson with Hestia.
Loving the story, question tho, Is thr MC bold?
Solid story. I was initially hesitant to keep reading because the introduction made me think it would follow the typical clichés of an overpowered protagonist. However, I was pleasantly surprised. The protagonist is tough and confrontational, yet he's also charismatic and rational. I really enjoy his way of thinking, and I find him quite funny.
Do you upload the uncensored pictures somewhere? ..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Gary Sue. On chapter 1 he's already a prodigy, wood release user, fruit user, is a medic nin and has the sharingan. Honestly I would not be surprised if the rest if the story is a "fix everything" kinda deal. ............................................................ ............................................................ ............................................................
Chapter 1 and he's already a sage, medic nin, prodigy, wood release user and has the sharingan. Anything else? I'm assuming the story in ending on chapter 5.
I personally did not like this chapter, it felt like a crack fic chapter. Way too much comedy